A birthday wish for Yael!

I decided to dedicate a blog post to my favorite actress Yael Grobglas because today is her birthday and she is a wonderful woman inside and out. I found out about Yael when I stumbled across a soap opera/ telenovela called Jane the Virgin a few months ago when looking through Netflix. After the first episode I was hooked and little did I know I was actually going to love the show so much that it would become my favorite show ever. There is a lot of crazy stuff that happens and what not because it is a telenovela after all, but Yael does a phenomenal job of playing her character Petra and giving her all. I was instantly captivated by her big blue eyes when i first watched the show and then i noticed how complex her character was. Her character seemed evil at first but once I learned her backstory and saw her grow through the seasons it became apparent that Petra was trying to navigate herself through a crazy life. Yael literally becomes Petra Solano whenever she is acting and she in my opinion(and most others agree) is the best actress on the show. I can’t wait to see where she goes next and for the moment when she becomes the star of her own show.

I admire Yael as a person for many reasons, besides her good acting. I love that she is not afraid to share about her faith in God and the fact that she is Jewish. A lot of Hollywood doesn’t like it when you share your faith, but Yael does unapologetically and that is beautiful. I also think she is gorgeous… I’ve always been drawn to blue eyes, especially big ones, and I love how funny she is. Yael adores animals, especially cats, and I feel drawn to her as a person because that tells me she has a big heart. Animal lovers are the best kind of people afterall. I feel like when I get to meet her one day(I say when because I like to make my dreams a reality) we will goof off and enjoy delicious food while playing with my dogs and her cats(after I take benadryl for my allergies lol). The way to Yael’s heart is food, so take note if you want to impress her hahahaha. But yeah I just adore her because of all of who she is and God made a wonderful masterpiece when he designed her. Yael I want you to always know how much you are loved!

You already know some about me because of all the dog pics I send you and because of the blog posts I’ve made that you have read. Thank you for taking time out of your day to acknowledge me and read those...it means the world to me, really. It also made my year that you liked and replied to many of my tweets around my birthday after I told you it would make me the happiest girl in the world. Your love and admiration for your fans is probably the biggest reason you are my #1 fav actress. While we haven’t gotten to meet yet I know we would be good friends because Idk I can just know/ feel when someone will be an important part of my life and internet brings people together. I met one of my best friends on a Christian blogging group and I never dreamed we would have so much in common. I have written about her before but she is amazing and the big sister I had always longed for. We talk on the phone at least once a month and she is always making sure to encourage me and vice versa. So I believe friendships can be made with anyone and anywhere.

A few quick other things about me is that I also love love love good food, the beach is my favorite place in the world, and I am happiest spending with people I love and animals. I also love to swim, shop, board games,  hike, explore and travel, and basically anything fun lol. I really enjoy having deep conversations about life sometimes or just being ridiculously silly because you've got to live and enjoy life! I hope to visit LA one of these days as I have never been before and I really would love to visit Israel!! So ya, I hope your birthday has been awesome and thank you for being you. God bless xoxo

Outcast

The thing I struggle most in this life is the recurring feelings and thoughts of being a burden to everyone/ an outcast. It’s something that has eaten away at me since I was a young kid because no matter what I did or how hard I tried to be liked and loved, I would have people let me know how little I meant to them. As I have grown older I have learned to not care as much what people think or say about me, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m an inferior human being, less than, a failure, a reject when I have people say or do things to me that are just mean. I suspect I am not the only one that struggles with this. In fact, after recently having a conversation with a good friend, I was able to put a name to what I and anyone else who feels this way is experiencing: The Spirit of Rejection.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 NIV

The Spirit of Rejection is a demonic spirit that Satan (the devil) uses as a ploy to bring us down and steal our joy. It works by preying on our deepest fears and getting us to believe that we are unloved, unwanted, annoying, inferior, incapable, etc. He uses it to diminish our worth and to get us to question why we even try. It can interfere with any type of relationship as often one being attacked by this spirit feels the need to distance themselves from everyone. The worst thing about it is that it hinders our relationship with God because it can make us believe the lies that God doesn’t love us anymore, that we have upset him one too many times, or that we don’t really have a purpose in being alive. This spirit I suspect attacks most of us actually, just perhaps some more than others. You can be the most talented artist, professor, actor, pastor, and still struggle with this. It will convince you that you aren’t as deserving of the respect and recognition you get. It will convince you that nothing you do is ever enough and that everyone else is so much better qualified and more loved than you are. Some think positive thinking will stop the spiritual attack, but it isn’t quite that easy. For starters, it isn’t easy for us to identify when we are being attacked because the devil uses subtle ways to steal, divide, and conquer. He will convince us that it is true and that we are just thinking about the truth. Also, it isn’t just random thoughts. The Spirit of Rejection stems from times we were actually rejected and I have seen the spirit have random strangers say outlandish things to me before which I believe was also the spirit at work.

Like I mentioned before, I have dealt with rejection since a young child. In elementary school I was called weird because I was shy. In middle school it got way worse as I was made fun of for being biracial: my hair was called ugly poodle hair and I was told I was too light skinned to be a true mixed girl. I was called fat, annoying, etc. The thing that hurt the worst was when a girl told me she hated that I was alive and that I existed. She said she wished I were dead and some other girls cheered her on and laughed when I cried. High school was better in a sense that I wasn’t bullied, but I still experienced rejection. Almost every boy I liked thought I wasn’t pretty enough, that I was too nice and clingy, and just did not like me. I was invisible to a lot of people because I wasn’t into going to wild parties and because I was boring since I wasn’t into things other people were like drinking and sex. I didn’t mind that because I wanted to live a Godly life, but when I wasn’t included in things like yearbook planning, prom planning, or anything else I wanted to join in, I definitely felt rejected. When I was sexually assaulted, not once but twice, before I was 18, I felt rejected. I felt dirty and as if I were permanently damaged. Both were out of my control one happened with an older stranger male in a store and the other time was a supposed to be boyfriend. Then there was the crush I had that I never admitted because I was afraid of the rejection I would face from family and friends since it wasn’t what they would desire or expect for me. The only person who knew was the crush themselves because it was mutual. So I kept that hidden all the while feeling confused.

In college I didn’t really experience rejection from people I wanted to be friends with or guys, so that was a nice break. I finally felt able to be me and was trusting God to use me for his glory. Where I had a huge blow to my confidence and that overwhelming stomach turning feeling of rejection return was in the last place I expected to find it: “ a Christian” group. Many of the other leaders made it quite known they didn’t like me no matter how hard I tried to please them and show how committed I was to serving Christ. Since it was a Christian group this time and not just one person, I had the feeling that I really was a reject and I was ready to accept my defeat. I was about to give up on trying to live for Christ because if even Christians didn’t like me, who would? But God made sure that even when I was rejected by those Christians that he would bring Christians into my life who cherished me and reminded me of my worth.

Rejection is something I have had from certain family members too. And I get it from complete strangers. I have had strangers make racist remarks right in front of me before. Or like two weeks ago I had strangers make rude comments loudly on my hair. When it happens so much it is easy to accept that identity as our true identity. Then it becomes easy to view everything from that perspective. It becomes easy to think that God rejects us as well and that all of our loved ones feel that way. It becomes easy to withdraw from everyone out of fear and to worry that everyone will abandon us at one point. It becomes easy to give up. But please don’t give up because there is hope and what you are experiencing is lies. You do matter to your loved ones and friends. You are so valuable to God and not a reject. You were worth dying for don’t forget the ultimate sacrifice made because of how loved you are. Still as much as I know all of these truths, I still get sucked into the trap again and again. Each time I learn more about identifying when that spirit is attacking and I pray that Jesus take it away.

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Galatians 4:4-5 NIV

Our only fight against this spirit is to pray that Jesus show us his truth, his love for us, and give us his strength to resist the attack. Turning to God’s word and reading verses on his love for us and our worth help to combat the lies. Also please share when you are struggling with doubt and rejection with those you trust because they will help remind you of how loved you are and pray for you too. Rejection is an awful thing and is part of this awful world but it isn’t our true identity. We are not rejects, we are beloved. When we accept Christ we become children of God and are adopted. We become sons and daughters of Christ, joint heirs with the creator of the entire universe. Adoption is the opposite of rejection. If we are God’s children, then we are the opposite of rejection. May God bless you and remember you are not a reject. You are so much more :) This struggle may be a lifelong one for me but the good news is that God is always waiting to remind me of my worth and lavish his love on me. The same is true for you friend.

For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. Deuteronomy 20:4 NIV

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7 NIV

Unfathomable Love: You are so loved

Something that I am still trying to wrap my head around is how much God loves me...you…. all of us. I’m not sure I will ever be able to grasp it it fully, at least in this lifetime. Today I want to remind you of how much you are cherished and encourage you. It has come to my attention that a lot of you have been pushed away by the church because you were “defined” by whatever sins you have committed. That is not what we are called to do as Christians. As a Christ follower myself, I will 100% admit that I am not perfect...not even close. I still sin even though I have been born again in Christ. Am I proud of that? Well no...but having a personal relationship with Jesus doesn’t make us suddenly perfect. Instead, it gives us hope that we can have everlasting life when we die. It also gives us a purpose and the ability to experience and freedom as we allow Christ to live through us. The gift of salvation is given to us because of how much God and Jesus love us. He didn’t have to send his son to die for our sins. He chose to because he loved each and every human he created so much that he wanted to make a way for us to be with him again, even after we chose to rebel.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NIV

God loves us so much that even if we choose to disobey him, he will continue loving us. He loves us so much that he knows every hair on our head and desires a relationship with us. He cares for the sparrow, but he cares even more about humans who he made in his image. Nothing we do will ever make his love for us cease. He has a special plan and purpose for each of us, and he knows your every thought. God is not someone who is constantly looking down upon us ready to strike us down for every mistake we make. Rather, he desperately wants us to choose him so that he can give us a whole life full of joy, love, and success.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15

God’s love for me has changed me as a person. It has given me hope on days where I feel like giving up because my chronic illnesses are in full spin. His love gives me hope that nothing I ever do will revoke my salvation because all who call on the name of Jesus will be saved. His love remains when I have been hurt and rejected by others. His love is why I have been blessed with a great husband, cute dogs, a nice new teaching job, a new home…. He wouldn’t give those things to me if he were indifferent to me. He wouldn’t bless you with the wonderful things he has given you in life if he didn’t love you either. Maybe it’s giving you the opportunity to act on a fun TV show like Jane the Virgin :) or maybe it’s giving you the gift of being a teacher(like he has recently given me). Maybe it’s a really nice home that has a huge backyard, an adorable family, the ability to travel, delicious food. Trust me I love food so much, as does my favorite actress Yael Grobglas, and I can attest that delicious food is a sign that God loves us because he blessed us with food to enjoy. Every good thing we experience on this earth is because God loves us.

For there is no difference between Jew and Greek: The same Lord is Lord of all, and gives richly to all who call on Him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:13-14 NIV

Now you may be asking if God loves us why do innocent people die? Why is there disease and illness? While I cannot give you the answer on why a specific person or child may suffer, I can tell you that the root of disaster and heartache in this life is because of living in a fallen world. When we as humans chose our own fate in the garden of Eden, the entire world became corrupt with sin. Sin is ugly and sin affects every living thing. Sadly it means there will be some awful trials and tribulations in this world. It means there will be cruel people, death, and other terrible things. But.. when Jesus rose from the grave he gave us the ability to have triumph over sin. His gift is for ANYONE willing to receive it. All it takes is asking Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. It doesn’t take us cleaning ourselves up first or anything like that. I challenge you today to simply ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. Ask him to guide your life. And watch...he will be faithful. He will make you more like him. It’s a lifelong journey we aren’t perfect until we are in Heaven one day. But when we have Jesus as our Lord he works to make us more like him and to clean us up. 

I am so excited if you decide today to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. If you have any questions or want prayer please let me know. Also if you aren’t ready yet, or are still unsure, know I still love you. You are so beloved, so precious. You are not defined by mistakes you have made or any sins you have committed. You are so much more. You are special and you are no mistake. You have a purpose and it will touch the lives of others. And please don’t let something someone may have said in judgement about you cause you to miss out on the blessings of God. There is no Christian who can stand and say they’ve never sinned or that they have quit sinning. We strive not to, but alas as us being humans we still do. No sin is bigger than another. You are precious. You are loved just as you are. Will you come to God today just as you are? Trust me, it’ll be worth it. I love you! God Bless you <3