I don’t even know how to put to words the amount of pain I feel right now after losing my first dog Luke. He was only four, and it fills me with sorrow that any animal should have an awful disease. I feel that he deserves to be honored as he was such a big blessing from God, even though I’ve only had him a few years. For me, he wasn’t “just a dog”. No, he was my first dog and also my first service dog to assist with a few disabilities I have. He is the reason I cannot live without another dog, the reason I am passionate about loving dogs and training them. I love him more than anyone could even know and I look forward to the day I get to Heaven and he jumps into my arms, licking me all over. Here is a tribute I wrote of his life and what a faithful companion and furkid he was. Please excuse any typos, I will come in and edit those eventually. It's a bit long, but I promise you will enjoy reading it until the end. <3
I remember the first texts that I sent his foster mom. I was supposed to be getting another dog from an ebay classifieds posting, but something didn’t seem right. I later found out it was a scam, so God led me to adopt a dog in need. I searched Petfinder and found him. He was adorable and I was surprised that he was listed as a pug mix, as I didn’t see that in him. I was drawn to him because of that, as at the time my then boyfriend, now husband, liked pugs the best. I sat in Bob Evans eating breakfast with my family a few months before my senior year of undergrad at Ohio University, as I texted a kind lady. She asked why I wanted to adopt and I told her I wanted a companion and a best friend. She instantly replied that she thought I was a perfect match for Luke(then Toby) and said she wouldn’t let anyone else look at him until I got the chance to. My dad had agreed a few weeks prior to let me have a dog at their house, especially given what happened with the dog that was supposed to be my first dog(more on that in a bit). I was so excited to meet him, so the next day my friend Brittany Schafer took me to meet him. When I came in he ran toward me and wanted me to pet him. I felt an instant bond. The foster went over his food and personality, and as she talked he made himself comfortable on my lap chewing bones(which are his favorite thing besides me). When she asked if I wanted to adopt him, I didn’t hesitate. She had me fill out the forms at her kitchen table and he followed me. He sat at my feet. As I filled out the paperwork, I found out his foster mom was an OU alumna. Her eyes sparkled as she told me she was so excited that he would get to live on campus with me and be an OU dog. I left him with her for two weeks because of a trip I was going on with Robbie(my now hubby) and my friend Rebecca.
My grandmother took me to pick him up on July 6th, 2014. He was so happy to see me again and he smiled the whole way home. When I got to my parents house he was excited to meet everyone, and I thought it was funny how loud it sounded when he sniffed things(I was used to cats smelling things quietly haha). I loved playing with him in the backyard and I learned quickly that he was fond of tennis balls. The first night I had him he barked in his crate, so he slept next to me. He peed the bed though, so I somehow got him to sleep in the crate next to me. I will admit, it was stressful at first dealing with accidents, chewing, and whining at times in the middle of the night. I remember crying on the phone with Robbie because I wasn’t sure how I could handle him crying every night keeping me awake. Robbie consoled me and assured me that things would get better. He said I could give him back, but that he wanted me to wait it out a while longer because he felt that this dog was a special gift. In my heart I couldn’t fathom getting rid of him. So instead I learned many training techniques. I laugh when I think about that today because I have multiple dogs now and I couldn’t understand why I had such a hard time at first.
Weeks went on and Luke learned very quickly. By the time college started back up, I was ready to have him by my side the busiest year of my undergrad years. Kristin(now a best friend of mine) was one of my roommates who lived in the apartment a year prior. She was nice enough to give me her keys so that I could move most of my stuff in before the actual move in day. When Robbie met him, he fell in love. Luke loved biting on him and they play wrestled together on the floor. My first night in my first apartment we walked and I used a cool green light up leash. I felt like something was complete in me. It’s as if Luke was meant to be a part of me, and now that I’ve lived with him many years I can attest to that. Fall semester I enjoyed many walks with Luke and playing fetch. I felt so happy and he was such a good puppy(aside for peeing on Shannon’s bookbag lol). He whined and barked when I’d leave him at first, but relaxing music, specifically music from relaxmydog albums and bones helped him be a good boy while I juggled school, part time work at the library, being a bible study leader, and a few other extra curriculars. My friend Sarah thought I was crazy starting my last year of college with a puppy, and perhaps I did take a great risk, but it proved worth it. I made sure I spent plenty of time with Luke everyday, and he helped long hectic days start and end strong. Our first road trip was the weekend of labor day. My mom took us to the family reunion in Kentucky. He was a good boy the whole trip, except for whining in the hotel for a bit when we went the mall. He has such a big smile in the pics I have of him on his first road trip. He loved running around in Kentucky with all of my family and some young cousins. Robbie and I raised him together. We quickly learned that his favorite word was laser and that he drank way to much water. The vet’s thought it was just a puppy behavior and a learned behavior due to his abuse prior to me adopting him. He was abandoned by his first owners when they moved out, and it makes me very mad to this day. How could anyone do that? They got him a few weeks before they moved and they had another dog? Well, it just meant that he needed my love all the more...little did I know how much I would need him.
Later on in the year I had to deal with a scary situation with an ex boyfriend harassing me with phone calls and texts from multiple numbers. He began showing up places I would be at too and tried to corner me once, but a friend saw and helped me. Luke was there when I would run to the bathroom to get sick everytime my ex sent threatening texts. Eventually, he stopped...but it was traumatic and terrifying. Little did I know Luke would also save my life when I first began showing signs of depression and severe anxiety. I couldn’t understand why I was having such awful thoughts, but I do know that I experienced a bit of exclusion from the Christian group I was a part of. People intentionally ignored me at times and kept me out of fun plans, despite my attempts to be kind to everyone. It led me to feeling useless,defeated and questioning if God really still wanted to use me. Luke kept me from making a decision that would have left my family, friends, and husband devastated. When I felt that way, particularly on one night, Luke wouldn’t leave my side. He licked me like crazy and helped calm me down. I didn’t realize until almost a year later that he would be the perfect helper with my anxiety and depression.
Fast forward to my first year of grad school. Everything was going fine and two of my roommates were good friends to me. Yet I couldn’t shake thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, amid many others. Eventually when one roommate had a grease fire(I wasn’t there nor was Luke), Robbie realized that my response wasn’t healthy. I began constantly worrying whether or not a fire would happen again. Everyday I worried all day long that Luke would be consumed by a fire and how I couldn’t live without him. I checked outlets everyday to make sure things plugged in were okay. I unplugged certain things because I was afraid an electrical fire would happen. I put my phone on the floor across from my bed at night in case it would miraculously explode. You see, I do have some traumatic memories with fire. But in each case it was contained. I experienced my biggest fear, a building fire, when I was living at my first apartment. I didn’t hear the smoke alarms right away, but Luke’s howling woke me up. Thankfully the fire was only in the kitchen of a downstairs apartment. Anywho, when i began struggling with anxiety to the point that I couldn’t function… I finally gave in and spoke with a therapist over the phone. It was through those phone calls that I was diagnosed and given a letter for Luke to become my service dog. At first I didn’t think he had what it took, but I was wrong. He learned his tasks so quickly. He excelled at training at a few stores that let me take him in during training and he nearly made it to where he was a full service dog. We went to restaurants together, the mall, the library where I worked, and many other campus buildings. I was so proud of him and he helped me out a ton. Eventually I made him an at home only service dog because I noticed after a while that he would shake for some reason...he didn’t shake at first. I thought maybe service work became too stressful for him in public, so he was a huge help at home. Little did I know that was a small hint that he wasn’t healthy. He seemed fine for another two years. It was incredible how well he did as a service dog. I had him off leash trained and he was so in tune with me. He could alert to cortisol rises(anxiety related) and he eventually showed that he could alert to my chronic migraines. He was such a blessing from God. I was determined to never let anything happen to him. I wanted to give him the best life ever and a long life.
He was our first pet as a married couple, and he helped me adjust to living in Athens during the summer time when there wasn’t much to do or many people to see. Robbie, Luke, and I took walks in a nice neighborhood near our first apartment together and Luke loved every minute of it. He loved walking along the river with us and he enjoyed hiking at radar hill, and strouds run. Luke’s first best friend was a beagle chihuahua mix named Tucker. They would run around the dog park that was at our apartment and hump each other(crazy I know, but they’re animals lol). Luke made us desire a second dog so we tried with a free border collie we found off of facebook. Well the collie had aggression issues I wasn’t comfortable handling in a busy apartment complex, so we found the proper home for her. Eventually we got Leia the white pomeranian from a breeder in Kentucky. Luke cuddled in the bed with Robbie and I at night and he always watched me clean or take a bath. He was super excited when we got Chloe our first cat together. Chloe was scared of him at first, but she came around. Soon they would run and wrestle together. Luke is why Chloe today is such a well rounded cat. She loves all dogs and doesn’t mind rough housing. When I found out my dad had a stroke, Luke was with me. We traveled between Columbus and Athens each week because I wanted to be there for my family. He cuddled me on nights when I wasn’t with my husband because he was working in Athens. Luke assured me everything would be okay, and it was.
When we moved into our townhome, Luke loved running up and down the stairs with the laser. He also enjoyed daily walks on the bike path across the street. When we got Leia, he was jealous for one day, and then he wanted to play with her. Unfortunately, she was afraid of him so we gave her to a friend. She is happy as an only dog now. Months passed and Luke was there thick and thin. Some traumatic things happened and Luke would lay right next to me, not moving until I was ready. We watched thunderstorms together on our patio and he sat patiently by my feet while I worked on my online grad school classes. He was there when depression got really bad, to the point that some days all i could do after work was sit and stare at the wall. He never got upset if we went a few days without walking. He wanted to be right next to me. Luke was so attached to me that he would cry anytime he saw me packing bags for trips and he would physically wrap her arms around my legs to hold on tight. Luke is the reason I love papillons,chihuahuas, and pomeranians. He enjoyed playing with one of my neighbors great dane puppies named Radar, and he also learned to like Kona, his husky puppy neighbor on the other side. Everything seemed great, except one or twice last summer he didn’t want to eat food and I had to force feed him. He also growled at me a few times, which wasn’t like him. The behaviors weren’t prominent, so we assumed he just had an off day.
When we got Mae, one of his chihuahua little sisters, he was ecstatic. She was so scared of him at first, but she eventually came around. They began playing together. They loved dressing up for halloween and going to the Circleville pumpkin show. The longer I had Mae, the more I realized she was the first dog that I liked almost as much as Luke. No other dog could compare up to this point. Everything seemed perfect finally….until I hit a bad low with depression that i felt i couldn’t get out of for two months. I also got diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Disease and was told I shouldn’t ever get off birth control because I would have so many cysts that it would harm me. I felt awful, I had gained weight and I now realized I may not be able to have kids. Luke made sure I took walks on some days when I didn’t want to. Luke was also there for me when we found out my uncle steve was at the end of the road with his long battle with heart disease. Uncle Steve was one of my favorite uncles and it crushed me that the day after thanksgiving was one of the last days I’d ever see him, until Jesus returns. Luke licked away my tears as I grieved the loss of my uncle. At the same time however, we noticed some very notable behavior changes. One night he acted extremely fearful when we took him potty and he wanted to run from us once inside. It wasn’t like him. He also began bone guarding again, a behavior I had trained out of him. We noticed he peed himself once or twice and then realized something was truly wrong. The day after my uncle’s funeral we rushed him to an animal hospital as he was crying in pain and wouldn’t eat. He lost three pounds when the vet weighed him. I was praying it was just a bad UTI...then when the vet came back in I knew it was bad when he had tears in his eyes. Luke had end stage kidney disease and he would live at most another year. I was devastated. I sobbed on the way home and for several days after. It took a few days to stabilize him and I had to give him IV fluids several times a week. In January I thought I was going to lose him to the battle, but through prayer from friends and family, he lived another three months. For a while he did so well I thought he was going to stay for a while. I relaxed and began enjoying every moment with him.
In February, we brought home a pomeranian puppy from the same breeder. It was interesting because in January God told me to get another dog through her, that this time it would work. Well God knows best! The puppy we brought home was one of my valentine’s gifts and she was sure special. She was originally going to be kept for breeding, but the breeder said she craved attention, more than she could give. I felt a instant bond with this pup and she reminded me of several qualities I loved in Luke. She settled in well and for two months I had three dogs. Contrary to what people might think, having three was actually easy and fun. Two could play together while one stayed in my lap. Luke was such a good older brother. He let his baby sister have his bone, something Mae didn’t even have privy too. He taught her to potty outside and how to lay down. I was hoping a miracle could happen and I could have more years with Luke. Yet, last week he went downhill very fast. He suddenly acted very aggressive toward me. When he bit me last week and then acted like he didn’t know where he was for two days… I sadly knew it was time. I consulted his vet and I had to make the decision I never wanted to make. After always fearing Luke would die in a fire or by an aggressive dog.. I was wrong. He would die from something I had absolutely no control over. I tried my best to prepare myself for this time, but it didn’t help.
This past weekend I tried to give him the best weekend possible. He got food from House of Japan, a long walk in the rain, tons of affection, and some chicken nuggets. When Monday rolled around I prayed for a sign he wasn’t ready, but he began screeching in pain. I knew it was time. The ride to the vet was the longest 15 minute car ride of my life. I felt my heart ripped in two as I watched him fall asleep. I couldn’t stay for the final shot, it was too much for my heart to bear. My husband cried too as he watched Luke come unconscious. The word Lazer didn’t phase him. He tried to fight falling asleep because he didn’t want to leave my side. He also ran from me when I first was going to take him to the vet. He tried to get in Mae’s crate. He must have known he was going to say his goodbye for now. As I watched him snore for a few minutes, he suddenly barked and it scared me. He then let out the saddest whine I’ve ever heard, followed by sudden peace. Suddenly he looked happy. I wondered if he dreamed of saying goodbye to me and then was content once he saw the gates of heaven. I wasn’t prepared for the multitude of pain I would feel after. I cried the entire time at dinner. Robbie tried to do his best to console me. I’ve dealt with many pains before, but I literally feel like I am losing my mind. Yesterday I could hold back the tears better, but today was a hard day. I feel hopeless, depressed, confused. I feel as if there is no hope, but I keep praying because I know God will heal me. I lost my childhood cat last year and while that hurt, this hurts even more. I tried to figure out why. Why could it hurt more? And then two things came to mind. First is, I lost my “supposed to be” first dog less than a week after adopting her because some ‘so called’ best friends neglected and abused her. I will never understand why someone who was supposed to be a friend did such a bad thing, but they did. I was determined to make sure Luke never knew abuse, only love. I know he did as a pup, but I transformed a submissive pup to a confident happy dog.
The second reason is something my friend Kayla said perfectly. She asked how I was doing yesterday and told me that it is okay to grieve. She told me that it hurts so much because Luke was my first child. She assured me that God understands my hurting heart and will reunite me with Luke one day. My friend has battled a few miscarriages, so she would know what pain feels like. She is right though...Luke felt like a child to me, esp since there is a high chance I may not have any human ones. Luke taught me so many things: patience, forgiveness, how to let go of worries and just live in the present. He taught me that dogs love in a way humans cannot. What I mean is, dogs love us unconditionally, the way Jesus did by dying on the cross. Us humans still sin because we live in a broken world, but animals never sinned. Proverbs 12:10 says that the righteous person care for their animals, and I firmly believe I did that the best I could with Luke. God knew everything before it happened, and while I may never know until I get to Heaven why his life was cut short, I do know he will be waiting for me to arrive, so that we are never separated again. Luke was my heart dog, which means he is the dog I’ve had the deepest bond with. Some people only have one heart dog, some have a few. Not every dog is a heart dog, it takes a special one to be it.
Luke fit that perfectly. Luke was very agile and enjoyed walking on his hind legs like a human. He knew how to bark on command, growl on command, dance, roll over, etc. He was such a smart dog. He knew that one time when my dad plugged two items into the outlet, the beep of the outlet was caused by that. So whenever my dad went to plug anything into that outlet he would whine. Luke loved adventure. Luke battled with his own form of dog anxiety...but let me tell you, walks and hikes removed that. He smiled from ear to ear when he was exploring with me. He could wander off leash on trails because he didn’t ever run off too far from us. He hated water but one time as a puppy he jumped into a lake to follow his friend Bailey at the dog park. He quickly realized his mistake and swam back so fast. Luke loved to talk and grumble. He loved fetch and tug a war...man tug a war...he’d latch on like a pitbull. I could pick him up and spin him around and he’d still hold on. He loved bones, especially the tasty ones. His favorite thing besides walking with me was cuddling next to me with a bone. As a puppy he would always walk out to potty with one in his mouth and he’d forget it haha.When he was healthy, he would do anything to please me. He loved everyone. I will remember him for the amazing dog he was and not the dog he had become because of his disease. I will remember him as the dog that had endless energy, but would never leave mommy’s side when she needed him. He is the dog that is the most in tune with my emotions. If I am sad, he is sad. If I am mad, he tries to defuse my anger. If I am happy, he would bring me a toy. I will miss him dearly.
Romans 8:19-8:22 assures us animal lovers that God will make everything right in the end. 20 "For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.” Romans 8:19-22 ESV. While my heart will never be complete until that day, I can rest easy that he is eagerly waiting with my cat Dusty, Becca(my would have been first dog), my grandma, my uncle steve, Robbie’s sister Christa, and her cat Sammie. The story doesn’t end here. God is so good to me, that he planned it perfectly where I would meet the perfect pomeranian puppy that would be my next service dog. He made sure the breeder held onto her and that no one else got her, because she is what I needed. God didn’t leave me empty handed. Mae is a great dog too...but Mikki is another heart dog of mine. Just when I thought I could never love a dog as much as Luke, God said oh yes you can. Mikki will never be Luke, but she has a very special deep bond with me. She is my dream dog personality wise and in beauty. She’s everything I wish Luke could have been, such as no anxiety and no disease, she has such a gentle disposition. She listens very well, very smart, and also loves to follow me from room to room like Luke did. God is so good. He knows my pain and he will help me feel whole again.
Me and Luke have a few special songs. The first one being Riverwalk by relaxmydog; this song can be found on google music. I encourage you to listen to it as it is a very happy, beautiful song. We listened to this song together all the time when he was a puppy. The other song is KEI Song by David Benoit. This song reminds me of the walks and hikes we took together, and playing in the fall leaves. It reminds me of cuddles and how loyal he was to me. The last song is Caravan of Dreams by Acoustic Alchemy. This sound reminds me of nice long summer days with Luke, and some of the adventures we had together with his puppy siblings. I’ll post the the links below. Thank you for reading this and for loving me through this hard time <3.
