A few days ago I was talking with my older sister about a weird feeling I had about someone I had recently befriended. I told her that I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right, and that I couldn’t put my finger on it. I remember having these feeling quite a few times throughout my life, especially a few encounters in my teenage years and early 20s. As we talked we shared our experiences with people who ended up being different than they appeared.
It was then that I realized what I had picked up on recently: flattery. I feel that everyone is exposed to flattery at least a few times in their lives, which is why I decided to speak on the subject today. In fact, as I write this I can think of how someone used flattery recently to try and manipulate my mom just a few days ago. As you can probably deduce, flattery is rarely if ever a good thing. Flattery seeks to make another person feel good about themselves. But what is wrong with that? You may say. Well this definition alone would actually be the definition of encouragement or compliments. However, there is another piece that separates flattery from those two. Flattery is rooted in a desire to seek a means to an end, whereas the other two are genuinely about making someone else feel valued and cherished. Encouraging and complimenting are meant to edify others and shed light on their value. It is meant to make a brother or sister feel their worth. Encouragement and compliments come from the heart and not from a selfish motive.
The problem with flattery appearing similar to genuine encouragement is that it is often hard to decipher the difference between the two. The Holy Spirit has gifted me with discernment of spirit, and evenso, I have fallen for flattery a few times. Flattery can quickly ensnare you long before it is apparent which can lead to consequences such as manipulation, abuse, danger, regretful decisions, etc. However, it can be avoided if we lean on the Lord and ask him to open our eyes to it. Whenever we ask for wisdom, God will graciously grant it to us. You can never ask for too much wisdom, so whenever you feel unsure don’t hesitate to pray about it and ask another brother or sister to give you an outsider view. I am going to share a few examples of times I have been faced with flattery to give you an idea of the many forms it can take.
“ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 NIV
One of the times I fell hard for a flattery trap was my first year of college. I was young and naive and didn’t see obvious signs in front of me. I had made several friends, but there was one in particular that went the extra mile to make me feel good. She would constantly tell me how beautiful I was and how smart I was. She and I were instantly best friends and it felt great. I thought she really cared about me and I was excited to see where the friendship went. Eventually, I became uncomfortable with the turn our friendship had taken. After many remarks of how she could love me better than my boyfriend at the time, and how sexy I was, I felt that I needed some space. When I tried to talk to her, she shifted the blame to me and abruptly quit speaking to me. She then tried to intentionally make me jealous of her new best friend that she had replaced me with. It hurt, I’m not going to lie. I thought this person was a true friend...and they weren’t. However, I learned from the situation. When someone gives you exaggerated compliments, or over the top physical compliments, there is something strange going on. Whether the motivation is jealousy or attraction, or whatever, it isn’t pure because it has to do with the person getting something for themselves, rather than having a healthy relationship of give and take. Another way to tell if it is flattery is if the remarks make you feel uncomfortable. True compliments edify and encourage you, not make you feel bad. If someone truly wants to be a close friend of yours, the friendship will naturally grow. It takes time to get to know someone.
Both of my exes tried to use flattery to get something physical out of the relationship before marriage. Since I wouldn’t oblige, they wanted to end the relationship. I feel that this is one of the most common instances of flattery. When getting to know someone of the opposite sex, watch for signs of flattery. Constantly trying to get you to do something you aren’t okay with is never a good thing, so don’t fall for it. Ask God to help you find the right person, and be sure to let God be your first love. Once you do that, you will find someone who will uphold God’s standards in His timing.
The last example I am going to share is when flattery almost got me into a dangerous situation. My first year of grad school I met someone who needed my help. This older woman was very kind to me and showed gratitude, as well mentioned that she was a believer. She then said based on my personality she could tell I was also one. She complimented me on how she could see Christ in me and what a wonderful person I was. That made me great and I felt like I must have been doing something right because someone saw Jesus in me. A few months go by and we began go to a weekly Christian meeting on campus together because she expressed interest. It was nice being able to take someone to these weekly meetings that filled my spirit. My husband would sometimes go with us, but he worked until after it began, so he often ended up picking me up to drive me home after since the shuttle to my apartment quit running after a certain hour. Everything seemed great until I began getting weird texts and what happened the next time we ran into each other. The last time we went to 180 together was when she acted strange. She told me to meet her in the library and then she wasn’t there. She told me to meet her on another floor and she still wasn’t there. About 10 mins pass and suddenly she is right behind me. She apologized for being late and then eagerly said we should go to our the meeting together like we always had. She noticed my husband at work and asked if he would join. He declined because he was exhausted and didn’t want to arrive late. The woman was annoyed that he declined and began to shame him in front of others. She said that he must need prayer since he wasn’t coming and that it wasn’t right for him to decline. After a minute she calmed down because someone called her. It was then that a strange man walked into the library. She introduced him as her “male friend” and said that he was coming along with us today. Something didn’t feel right, but I calmly decided to go to with them to the meeting since I had another friend meeting me up there. Robbie(my hubby) was worried and told me to be very careful. He felt something was terribly wrong.
On the way to the meeting the woman her “male friend” tried giving her a black bag. She blushed and said it was a thong and that she didn’t want it right then, so she told him to keep it. Suddenly my mind starts racing because something really was off. Her “friend” started questioning where I lived and such as we walked down the hill to Morton hall. The last time a strange man asked where I lived shortly attempted to assault me afterward because I didn’t respond, so I prayed that God would keep me safe this time… and he did. I told them man that I lived in a dorm nearby and then texted my friend that I needed to talk to her when we arrived. When we got to 180 my other friend was waiting outside thankfully, so the four of us sat together. After a few praise and worship songs my friend actually pulled me to the side herself and said we needed to leave asap. So we hurried out and she drove us to my apartment. On the way to the apartment she said that something wasn’t right and that she was worried about my safety. She begged me to never hangout with that woman again, and I took her and my husband’s advice because I believe it was confirmation that the situation was bad. I’m so thankful that God and Jesus looked out for me.
Flattery is a sin because it is selfish and can be harmful. However, none of us our perfect, which is why we must lean on God to reveal to us whether a situation is flattery and if so, what we should do. Sometimes people use flattery because they really want to be your friend and hope that you find them cool. Sometimes it is used because someone wishes to date you, or sell you a house, car, etc. Flattery may seem like an okay thing to do because “ how harmful can it be to get someone to like us or do what we want” one may say. However, God is the one who decides the rules and he says it is bad for a reason. God wants us to treat others with love. True love doesn’t lie, it tells the TRUTH. We can truthfully compliment someone without trying to force them to be our friends. We can make someone we hope to date feel good without expecting anything in return. We can do our job if it requires selling things in truth. We can mention that this car would be perfect, but also be truthful with what we say instead of lying to get a sale. God has a lot to say about flattery!
“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.” Romans 8:16-19 ESV
“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” Proverbs 29:25 ESV
“A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin” Proverbs 26:28 ESV
We all fall short of the glory and sin, so it is possible to confront a brother or sister on flattery, forgive, and continue on. And sometimes… God may tell us that the person never has good intentions, so we should walk away. Back to one of my newer friends: I don’t know for sure if they have been using flattery to deceive me or if they are just expressing how they really feel. What I do know is that I can and will be praying and God will give me the answer. He will let me know what to do from here. I encourage you to ask God to give you guidance whenever you feel unsure and don’t be afraid to talk to the person about it as well(as long as you can safely!). God bless and I wish you loving, truthful relationships <3.
Friday, June 29, 2018
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
There is freedom when we let go of unhealthy relationships
Hey everyone! It’s been a minute since I last blogged, so I am glad to be at it again. A lot has happened since I lost Luke. Of course, not a day goes by that I don’t miss him, but I rest assured I will see him again. These past few months I have been able to get back into the swing of things learning my new normal all while growing closer to my puppy Mikki! She is perfect and she is almost done with her service dog training <3. I also graduated with my Master’s degree in Organizational Communication and look forward the career journey God has for me! Along with that, there is something very exciting happening in my life right now. I can’t wait to share it with you all in a few months :). Speaking of excitement, it’s almost Robbie’s and I’s two year wedding anniversary, and I have to say that our marriage continues to get better with time. It has always been AWESOME, yet it somehow still gets even more fulfilling, loving, exhilarating, and blessed as time goes on. During these two years God has worked on us both a lot, and today I’d like to share in particular how he has helped free me from the bondage of toxic relationships.
A little over a year ago I remember sitting in my living room in tears wondering why I would feel so empty after giving my all to people I loved and cared about. My supposed “best friend” and her sister would want to hang out with me at least a few times a month and each time I felt as if I couldn’t be myself. I was super anxious and uncomfortable...and it was because of what went on during our times together. My friend’s sister in particular was extremely blunt, rude, controlling, and self-centered. My friend knew this and yet she still always dragged her sister along because her sister was “lonely”. Let me backup for a minute and mention that this friend and her sister were the ones who killed the dog that was supposed to be my first dog. I’m sure you’re thinking now, “why on earth would I go around them again?” Honestly, I ask myself that question all the time and the answer really boiled down to me believing them when they said they were sorry and had changed, and because I felt bad for my friend. I was her only friend and many times she would point that out. Her sister would say that my friend needed me...and I took that to heart. We had been besties for almost 15 years at that point, so I felt awful at the thought of cutting her off. In my mind I was convinced that I had to put up with emotional abuse because they were lost and needed God’s love. I believed that if I put up with it long enough that they would eventually change and accept Christ into their hearts, or at the very least, learn to respect me for our differing viewpoints. I was wrong. Very wrong.
For months I had endured being told the following by them:
This isn’t the only toxic relationship I had in my life. There are also some other acquaintances and family members that Robbie and I have had to deal with that are very emotionally manipulative and abusive as well. These people would put us down, disregard my Master’s degree, act as if I am irresponsible and dumb, try to control everything I did, act as if my husband wasn’t good for me. Try and put a wedge in our marriage. A few even tried get rid of me/ convince my hubby that he was better off without me. The thing is, we were doing nothing wrong. I was loving my husband and he was loving me. We were enjoying making choices together as a married couple. We put God and Jesus at the center of our decisions and relationship, and many didn’t like that. We were basically was expected to put up with crap because we were the “nice ones”. So ya, I was up to my eyes in feeling like the world would be better off without me and surrendering to the demands the toxic people...but God had other plans. One day I was reading posts in a Christian blogging group and this one woman twisted God’s word in a terrible way. I was explaining to her the truth and this other nice lady helped back me up with scripture. Eventually we gave up trying because it was clear this girl was a troll or something. After that, I messaged her because I appreciated her helping me out and that’s when our friendship began.
A few days later I texted her to wish her a happy mother’s day, and she thanked me while also sharing how she and her mom no longer talked because her mother was an abusive narcissist. As she explained what her mother had done to her...I began connecting the dots. These toxic people we were dealing with also were narcissists. You see, narcissism is more than being self-absorbed. A narc is ALWAYS right and never wrong. A narc thrives on getting attention when he or she wants it, at the expense of others. They will often pretend to be Christians, but through their actions it is obvious that they are not. Christ followers do not manipulate and abuse others. They also gaslight and move the goal post….they will convince you that you are the worst human alive. That nothing you do is good enough. That you must do everything for them and that you owe it to them. That you aren’t able to make decisions on your own and that you need their expertise. They will act as if their life is horrible and that you need to run to the ends of the earth to fix it. They rely on you to get gratification and feel good. They don't know how to manage their own emotions. Deep down inside they feel self-conscious, but they cover that up by making others feel bad. They don’t like it if you don’t make them your #1. They don’t want you to have other friends. You’re not allowed to have your own life because it is supposed to revolved around them. The minute you refute them, they start trying to brainwash you into thinking you’re selfish and that you made a mistake. The spirit of Jezebel is also at play here and that spirit will do anything to wreck another life so that they have complete control. It is a power demonic spirit that we need to be aware of because if you let it wreak havoc in your life it will destroy everything you have going for you. How does one deal with this you may ask? Keep reading and I will tell you.
Once I was able to identify that I had multiple narcs trying to suck the life out of me, my friend and I talked about the importance of praying against evil spirits, as well as people who want to harm us. She reminded me that in Christ we have infinite power because he lives in those who choose to follow him. So we began praying and asking God to give us strength to put up healthy boundaries where need be. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. The toxic people fought back because they didn’t like the boundaries. But we kept praying and asking God to give us strength. Now a year later I have cut ties with any and every toxic friendship and we have put up healthy boundaries. We no longer get worried or scared if someone tries to manipulate us because honestly is Jesus is for us, who is against us? When you allow Jesus into your heart, you become one of God’s children and he wants the best for us. He will protect us from anyone who seeks to do us harm. God always is faithful and he always shows that he will never leave nor forsake us.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 NIV
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
It took me a while to finally completely cut out the old bestie that was harmful, but at last I have done it! It took a while because I kept battling the devil’s lies...but God gave me strength to do overcome the lies. God is wayyy stronger than satan, so we are always victorious when we let God fight our battles for us. It was when I gave it to God, along with my fears, that I had strength to say “No, I deserve better”. I finally listed to what my husband and other friends were telling me. I am so free!
I have felt freedom and great joy being able to be me without having people constantly putting me down. I’ve learned to ignore any negative family members and to completely cut ties with bad relationships. Sometimes God wants us to cut people out of our lives because they will cause us to believe lies and hold us back from the blessings he has for us. I used to think I needed my old best friend because she was technically my best friend. But when I think about it, I have several best friends who would go to the end of the earth to do anything for me. These friends love me for me. When you’ve dealt with emotional abuse for years, it takes a toll on how you view yourself. This past year I have began to love myself again.
I have realized that everything about me is special and good. I can be free to have whatever dogs I want and to talk about them 24/7. I can enjoy jazz music, country, and EDM. I can wear whatever I want, do whatever I want to my hair. I don’t have to deal with racist remarks that I am ugly because I am biracial. I now know that is a lie and I will embrace who God has made me. I can travel wherever I want, hang out with whoever I want. I can enjoy being the intellectual person I am and I can enjoy my creative side. When I get rid of toxic people, I finally see how much I am valued and my worth.
My true friends and the loving family members acknowledge all my accomplishments and don’t mind if I all talk about sometimes is dog stuff. They listen. God has shown my husband and I that we deserve people who show us the same love that we give. All of my true best friends only see the good in me. I still am taken aback by some of the nice things they say sometimes, but then I remember that they are true. With positive, loving people surrounding me I can be all God has for me to be. I can show others the love of Jesus and change lives.
My friend that I met through that group, she and I talk all the time. She is the older sister I always yearned for. I am the younger sister she always wanted. It’s crazy how much we have in common and the similar things we have both gone through. We both have PCOS, we both have dealt with anxiety and depression. We both have dealt with abuse and have overcome it. She is so wise so I enjoy hearing her Godly advice and she has said that I also inspire and encourage her. After our conversations I feel very happy and blessed. I wish we could talk every single day haha, but the longer we go without talking just means more to talk about haha.
My other friends have also been lovely friends. I was so scared that I would lose friends when I admitted that I have an anxiety disorder, depression, and SPD...but I was relieved when they were like, it’s okay we love you for you. I value each of them so much and if you are reading this, you know who you are. Some of my best friends I have met in college during undergrad. One of those friends and I both had abusive romantic relationships that we both helped each other get out of. Today we are both happily married and freed from that bondage. I love each and every one of my friends for different reasons. Oh and it bring me joy that one of them I led to her now husband, who is also one of my best friends. I still have a few high school besties too. Having friends that love you for you is a must! I like to befriend people wherever I go, although I have learned that it isn’t the quantity of friends you have, but the quality. I can always tell when someone is going to be a special part of my life. Just recently, I met someone who is such an inspiration to me. She is so positive, talented, a go-getter. She doesn’t let life hold her down or back, and she has an infectious personality. She has already made me feel so loved with the kind encouraging words that I sometimes need reminded of. I look forward to getting to know her more. Oh and she has to teach me her technique because she has won some good $$ at blackjack lol.
I have shared all of this because I know that many of you have gone through similar things, and I want you to find the healing and freedom that I have found. Literally, my life is 100x better today than it was a year ago. My husband got baptized last year in May and I felt God working in our lives more than before. During a facebook fast I heard him speaking truth to me daily. He told me to trust in him and that he would bring me through everything. He was 100% correct. I can look forward to things and also live in the moment. If you are reading this and don’t have a personal relationship with the creator of all life and everything in the universe, I invite you to ask Jesus into your heart as your Lord and Savior. Jesus died for our sins so that we can have a restored relationship with him and God our father. God desires good for each of us and everlasting life for all of us. I know some of you may be feeling apprehensive about this, and I respect whatever decision you make. But I can tell you this...I promise following Christ will give you all the fulfillment you ever need. I am here today because of Jesus’s love. You don’t need to change anything about you, God wants you how you are now.
Literally he has sent people into my life that weren’t by chance and he has protected me from situations that could have ruined my life forever. He has saved my life more than once. My mom, Luke, and I almost were crushed on the way home from my undergrad graduation. Someone ran a light going 70 miles per hour and there was no way we were going to avoid that. I saw our lives flash before my eyes and all I could do was scream Jesus and push Luke onto the floor of the car because I didn’t want him to die or for him to be crushed into my chest. The backseat was filled with all my college apartment belongings. My mom breaked and prepared for the worst. Suddenly I felt us move and the car had just skimmed past us. People got out of their cars thinking we were going to get slammed...but we weren’t hit! God used his force to move us into safety because he still had a purpose for my mother and I, and even Luke. That was several years ago. If God will use his power to protect me, he will do the same for you if you let him. God bless my loves and talk to you soon!
A little over a year ago I remember sitting in my living room in tears wondering why I would feel so empty after giving my all to people I loved and cared about. My supposed “best friend” and her sister would want to hang out with me at least a few times a month and each time I felt as if I couldn’t be myself. I was super anxious and uncomfortable...and it was because of what went on during our times together. My friend’s sister in particular was extremely blunt, rude, controlling, and self-centered. My friend knew this and yet she still always dragged her sister along because her sister was “lonely”. Let me backup for a minute and mention that this friend and her sister were the ones who killed the dog that was supposed to be my first dog. I’m sure you’re thinking now, “why on earth would I go around them again?” Honestly, I ask myself that question all the time and the answer really boiled down to me believing them when they said they were sorry and had changed, and because I felt bad for my friend. I was her only friend and many times she would point that out. Her sister would say that my friend needed me...and I took that to heart. We had been besties for almost 15 years at that point, so I felt awful at the thought of cutting her off. In my mind I was convinced that I had to put up with emotional abuse because they were lost and needed God’s love. I believed that if I put up with it long enough that they would eventually change and accept Christ into their hearts, or at the very least, learn to respect me for our differing viewpoints. I was wrong. Very wrong.
For months I had endured being told the following by them:
- I was stupid
- I wasted my time getting a Master’s
- My marriage can’t be that good
- I should get rid of my cats because cats suck
- Don’t I dare consider getting a house in a suburb.
- That I belonged in the bad area that I grew up in and that was where I was meant to stay
- That my religion, being a Christ follower that is, was meaningless
- Don’t buy that, you can’t possibly afford that since you live in New Albany now( It was a $10 scent plug in from bath and body works) I was well aware of my budget and always have been.
- Dont get that kind of dog because it’s stupid, labs are better
- That I was fat and had terrible hair(mind you they are both obese...but that is neither here nor there)
- Oh and during my bachelorette weekend, my “friend” acted like a spoiled brat because we had to walk a bit. She literally laid down on the sidewalk throwing fit.
This isn’t the only toxic relationship I had in my life. There are also some other acquaintances and family members that Robbie and I have had to deal with that are very emotionally manipulative and abusive as well. These people would put us down, disregard my Master’s degree, act as if I am irresponsible and dumb, try to control everything I did, act as if my husband wasn’t good for me. Try and put a wedge in our marriage. A few even tried get rid of me/ convince my hubby that he was better off without me. The thing is, we were doing nothing wrong. I was loving my husband and he was loving me. We were enjoying making choices together as a married couple. We put God and Jesus at the center of our decisions and relationship, and many didn’t like that. We were basically was expected to put up with crap because we were the “nice ones”. So ya, I was up to my eyes in feeling like the world would be better off without me and surrendering to the demands the toxic people...but God had other plans. One day I was reading posts in a Christian blogging group and this one woman twisted God’s word in a terrible way. I was explaining to her the truth and this other nice lady helped back me up with scripture. Eventually we gave up trying because it was clear this girl was a troll or something. After that, I messaged her because I appreciated her helping me out and that’s when our friendship began.
A few days later I texted her to wish her a happy mother’s day, and she thanked me while also sharing how she and her mom no longer talked because her mother was an abusive narcissist. As she explained what her mother had done to her...I began connecting the dots. These toxic people we were dealing with also were narcissists. You see, narcissism is more than being self-absorbed. A narc is ALWAYS right and never wrong. A narc thrives on getting attention when he or she wants it, at the expense of others. They will often pretend to be Christians, but through their actions it is obvious that they are not. Christ followers do not manipulate and abuse others. They also gaslight and move the goal post….they will convince you that you are the worst human alive. That nothing you do is good enough. That you must do everything for them and that you owe it to them. That you aren’t able to make decisions on your own and that you need their expertise. They will act as if their life is horrible and that you need to run to the ends of the earth to fix it. They rely on you to get gratification and feel good. They don't know how to manage their own emotions. Deep down inside they feel self-conscious, but they cover that up by making others feel bad. They don’t like it if you don’t make them your #1. They don’t want you to have other friends. You’re not allowed to have your own life because it is supposed to revolved around them. The minute you refute them, they start trying to brainwash you into thinking you’re selfish and that you made a mistake. The spirit of Jezebel is also at play here and that spirit will do anything to wreck another life so that they have complete control. It is a power demonic spirit that we need to be aware of because if you let it wreak havoc in your life it will destroy everything you have going for you. How does one deal with this you may ask? Keep reading and I will tell you.
Once I was able to identify that I had multiple narcs trying to suck the life out of me, my friend and I talked about the importance of praying against evil spirits, as well as people who want to harm us. She reminded me that in Christ we have infinite power because he lives in those who choose to follow him. So we began praying and asking God to give us strength to put up healthy boundaries where need be. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. The toxic people fought back because they didn’t like the boundaries. But we kept praying and asking God to give us strength. Now a year later I have cut ties with any and every toxic friendship and we have put up healthy boundaries. We no longer get worried or scared if someone tries to manipulate us because honestly is Jesus is for us, who is against us? When you allow Jesus into your heart, you become one of God’s children and he wants the best for us. He will protect us from anyone who seeks to do us harm. God always is faithful and he always shows that he will never leave nor forsake us.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 NIV
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
It took me a while to finally completely cut out the old bestie that was harmful, but at last I have done it! It took a while because I kept battling the devil’s lies...but God gave me strength to do overcome the lies. God is wayyy stronger than satan, so we are always victorious when we let God fight our battles for us. It was when I gave it to God, along with my fears, that I had strength to say “No, I deserve better”. I finally listed to what my husband and other friends were telling me. I am so free!
I have felt freedom and great joy being able to be me without having people constantly putting me down. I’ve learned to ignore any negative family members and to completely cut ties with bad relationships. Sometimes God wants us to cut people out of our lives because they will cause us to believe lies and hold us back from the blessings he has for us. I used to think I needed my old best friend because she was technically my best friend. But when I think about it, I have several best friends who would go to the end of the earth to do anything for me. These friends love me for me. When you’ve dealt with emotional abuse for years, it takes a toll on how you view yourself. This past year I have began to love myself again.
I have realized that everything about me is special and good. I can be free to have whatever dogs I want and to talk about them 24/7. I can enjoy jazz music, country, and EDM. I can wear whatever I want, do whatever I want to my hair. I don’t have to deal with racist remarks that I am ugly because I am biracial. I now know that is a lie and I will embrace who God has made me. I can travel wherever I want, hang out with whoever I want. I can enjoy being the intellectual person I am and I can enjoy my creative side. When I get rid of toxic people, I finally see how much I am valued and my worth.
My true friends and the loving family members acknowledge all my accomplishments and don’t mind if I all talk about sometimes is dog stuff. They listen. God has shown my husband and I that we deserve people who show us the same love that we give. All of my true best friends only see the good in me. I still am taken aback by some of the nice things they say sometimes, but then I remember that they are true. With positive, loving people surrounding me I can be all God has for me to be. I can show others the love of Jesus and change lives.
My friend that I met through that group, she and I talk all the time. She is the older sister I always yearned for. I am the younger sister she always wanted. It’s crazy how much we have in common and the similar things we have both gone through. We both have PCOS, we both have dealt with anxiety and depression. We both have dealt with abuse and have overcome it. She is so wise so I enjoy hearing her Godly advice and she has said that I also inspire and encourage her. After our conversations I feel very happy and blessed. I wish we could talk every single day haha, but the longer we go without talking just means more to talk about haha.
My other friends have also been lovely friends. I was so scared that I would lose friends when I admitted that I have an anxiety disorder, depression, and SPD...but I was relieved when they were like, it’s okay we love you for you. I value each of them so much and if you are reading this, you know who you are. Some of my best friends I have met in college during undergrad. One of those friends and I both had abusive romantic relationships that we both helped each other get out of. Today we are both happily married and freed from that bondage. I love each and every one of my friends for different reasons. Oh and it bring me joy that one of them I led to her now husband, who is also one of my best friends. I still have a few high school besties too. Having friends that love you for you is a must! I like to befriend people wherever I go, although I have learned that it isn’t the quantity of friends you have, but the quality. I can always tell when someone is going to be a special part of my life. Just recently, I met someone who is such an inspiration to me. She is so positive, talented, a go-getter. She doesn’t let life hold her down or back, and she has an infectious personality. She has already made me feel so loved with the kind encouraging words that I sometimes need reminded of. I look forward to getting to know her more. Oh and she has to teach me her technique because she has won some good $$ at blackjack lol.
I have shared all of this because I know that many of you have gone through similar things, and I want you to find the healing and freedom that I have found. Literally, my life is 100x better today than it was a year ago. My husband got baptized last year in May and I felt God working in our lives more than before. During a facebook fast I heard him speaking truth to me daily. He told me to trust in him and that he would bring me through everything. He was 100% correct. I can look forward to things and also live in the moment. If you are reading this and don’t have a personal relationship with the creator of all life and everything in the universe, I invite you to ask Jesus into your heart as your Lord and Savior. Jesus died for our sins so that we can have a restored relationship with him and God our father. God desires good for each of us and everlasting life for all of us. I know some of you may be feeling apprehensive about this, and I respect whatever decision you make. But I can tell you this...I promise following Christ will give you all the fulfillment you ever need. I am here today because of Jesus’s love. You don’t need to change anything about you, God wants you how you are now.
Literally he has sent people into my life that weren’t by chance and he has protected me from situations that could have ruined my life forever. He has saved my life more than once. My mom, Luke, and I almost were crushed on the way home from my undergrad graduation. Someone ran a light going 70 miles per hour and there was no way we were going to avoid that. I saw our lives flash before my eyes and all I could do was scream Jesus and push Luke onto the floor of the car because I didn’t want him to die or for him to be crushed into my chest. The backseat was filled with all my college apartment belongings. My mom breaked and prepared for the worst. Suddenly I felt us move and the car had just skimmed past us. People got out of their cars thinking we were going to get slammed...but we weren’t hit! God used his force to move us into safety because he still had a purpose for my mother and I, and even Luke. That was several years ago. If God will use his power to protect me, he will do the same for you if you let him. God bless my loves and talk to you soon!
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