I’ve come to terms that I will never be that textbook “perfect” Christian; you know the one I’m talking about. The one who shows up every Sunday, dressed perfectly. The one who's got the perfect family and house. The one who is able to tithe beyond 10% every week. The one who spends all of their free time volunteering at the church. The one who is always on fire with the Holy Spirit and never lets anything get them down. The one who everyone looks forward to seeing because they brighten everyone’s day with their presence. These are all great traits to have and I am thankful for my fellow brothers and sisters who fit this role. You are precious and beloved.
I am the Christian who has been struggling with going to Church regularly because I get a bad migraine or a series of seizures after I finish teaching my last English class Sunday morning. I am the Christian who has made some financial mistakes in the past and can’t afford to tithe as much as I would like. I am the Christian who wishes she could devote more time to my church than being an occasional greeter. I wish I were able to drive and had a schedule where I were more free. I wish I were healthy so that I could do more for others. I wish I were the popular person who everyone is excited to see. Truth is, I am of little worth when you measure it from the world’s standard. Society would say I am useless because I have epilepsy, SPD, PCOS, chronic migraines, ASD. Society would say I am better off in the background because I will never be as good as others around me. I may never be a mother because of PCOS and the way it affects fertility. And sometimes it is easy for me to think that the Church and God view me the same. However, that is not true.
None of us are perfect and while some may be “better” at following Christ than others, we all are loved by God and made perfect in his eyes because of his son Jesus Christ and what he has done for us. When we accept him as our Lord and Savior, he sees perfection when he looks down at us. Nothing we can do can change that. Nothing. Isn’t that amazing?! We literally are children of the creator of the universe! :) And if you haven’t accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior yet, all it takes is a prayer asking him into your heart. God will move in your life from that very moment!
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God John 1:12 NIV
If anything, having several disabilities has taught me that my strength comes solely from God and that he will use anyone for his glory. He has plans for each of us and we all are important and loved by God. I have a tendency to think that because my abilities don’t match some others I know, then that means he will use someone more qualified for his work. I mean, after all why would he choose one who has seizures, sensory processing disorder, someone who would be happy with just two things: dogs and the beach (aka that’s my interest that I spend most of my time on). I have a tendency to hyper focus on something for weeks on end because it’s how my brain is built. I can hear sounds down the street as if they were right next to me. I can smell smells from far far away. For instance, when my parents hot water tank was going out I kept smelling a burning smell across the room anytime someone ran the sink water. No one else could smell the smell except very faint if they literally stuck their nose next to the faucet. I thought maybe I was crazy lol but I told them their hot water tank was about to fail and sure enough it did two weeks later. Music is more than just sounds to me. I could go on and on, but that’s beside the point lol.
When we look at the Bible, we see that God often used some of the least qualified individuals for big purposes. I still have a tendency to think well they were still better than me. I seriously usually see myself as nothing but a faulty, broken human. But if God could use these people, certainly he could use me and other broken people too. We don’t all have the be “great” Christians to give God glory and further his kingdom. Moses, who helped lead God’s people to freedom from captivity, had a huge purpose for God and he accomplished it because God worked through him. Moses had a disability himself and tried to convince God to choose someone else. But alas, God said no I am using you.
12 Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”
14 The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
15 Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16 How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”
17 And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked,because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” Exodus 33: 12-17 NIV
God also used David when he was still a young boy to take down Goliath, the giant. King David had someone killed and took their wife, but he was still used by God. Heck before Paul became a believer he was killing Christians. Look at how great of a leader he became as he let Christ shine through him. God used unqualified women for big roles too like Ruth, a widow. If these people can be used for God than surely you and I can. What it takes is a willing heart to do whatever God wants and he will move.
Though I struggle, I am going to hold to the promises that God has a plan for me and he will use me in a way that is unfathomable. I believe he will do the same for you if you trust him and let him have control of your life. It isn’t easy, but God is always with those who believe and he will provide the means. He keeps every promise he has told us. And if he promises to have a big plan for our future, then he will deliver.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Two weeks ago I was anointed by an elder at Church and prayed over by a friend. During the anointed they proclaimed that God has plans to use me in a big way. They also prayed over my health. A few months ago one of my best friends said she believed I was anointed and that God was going to use me in big ways. I get chills writing this because more than one person was confirmed that. Now I am eager to see how he chooses to use me and it gives me hope. I am so excited to see how God uses you too. I know it’ll be amazing.
One more thing, here is one of my favorite songs and it is such a beautiful song of God’s love and promises. That and the song “ Let the Church say Amen” are my two favorite gospel songs sang by the same person. Check them out and I hope you enjoy <3 God Bless
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-02jkrdNps (The promise by Andre Crouch)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZKA2iY9ATA (Let the Church say Amen by Andre Crouch)
