Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galations 1:10 NIV
Some people I have wanted to please/ make happy want me to do things contrary to God’s word, like worry non stop, put things above God and my spouse, intentionally harm myself etc. This is one of the reasons why people pleasing is not something God wants us to do. Another reason is it can become an idol and become the center of our life rather than Christ being the center of our life. And what an awful idol it is too because no matter how much you try you are left feeling empty. Some of the people you try to please can actually be harmful to you. A lot of them actually could care less about you, your health, or anything. How do I know this? Because I have been betrayed many times by people who have claimed to care about me/ be my friend only to find during a testing time they reveal who they really are. That is when the truth comes out that I am worth less than an old couch on the curb waiting for trash collection day to them. That is when they point out my flawed health, my epileptic seizures, any mistakes I have ever made, or decide that they simply do not like me anymore.
I am an open book because I want to share God’s love with everyone and want to live my life as a living sacrifice for him. If I can help lead anyone to salvation in Christ, then I consider my life a success. However, it has been revealed to be my God and a few wise, amazing people he has placed in my life, that I need to be careful who I trust. I have been hurt many times and while I sometimes could care less about my life, if I trust the wrong people I can be pulled away from God’s will. If he wants to use me to reach people but I am being pulled 100 different directions, how can I do his will? If I waste my time on people who will never appreciate anything I do, then I will miss the people who really do need me. Plus every time I get burned, the same devil lies resurface such as me being worthless, that I can do nothing right, and that I deserve nothing good. Then I am tempted to believe those lies for a while and I waste precious time and energy that could be devoted to God. And then I go chasing after things that God doesn’t have for me, which is also a waste. My goal should be to live a life surrendered to whatever He wants of me and to do that I must put everything to the side and only let him be the once speaking to me.
Despite my pain at Maui being lost and at this point possibly stolen or dead, and all of my efforts I put into that, I still had people who have decided I haven’t done enough. People who think I don’t love him, etc. It is quite a few people. People who think I have used my seizures as an excuse to not be more involved in his search, when that isn’t true. People who think my health and life do not matter. They made it loud and clear they would be happier I were gone. I wish this was the first time I have been down this road but it has been something I have experienced since I was a young girl. In fact I will never forget the girl who told me she wished I were dead and never existed even though I never did anything to her. I have been through enough situations to know that most people do not care about me, or hate me. I have been through enough to know that to most I have no worth or value. Yet, every time God uses the situation somehow for good.
I can already see how He has been at work in this sad situation. He has made a way for me to show Christ to someone who needs Jesus’ love in their lives. He has shown me that I need to look to him first before I cast my pearls. I need to let him take the reigns and trust his will even when I can’t see anything good. He always has a master plan and he is making my life out to be a masterpiece, even when most days I think I am one of his scrap pieces of paper. If I have to go through a bit of pain to see someone accept Jesus, then I will gladly go through any pain for that. Why? Because after we die we don’t cease to exist and I want to bring anyone to Heaven with me that I can. Any suffering I deal with in the meantime pales compared to what is yet to come in Paradise. I already know it is going to be amazing and I already have confirmation from my dream the other day that my dogs, all of them, will be there with me for eternity. So even if Maui isn’t found, this isn’t goodbye. I will still keep my hopes up that he is alive and will be found, but I also know even if worse comes to worse, it’ll be okay. And contrary to what some people told me yesterday, I do have peace at whatever happens because God gives us peace beyond understanding in the midst of heartache and storms. In fact, he says to worry for nothing but to give it to him.
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6 NIV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
I may never have a place in this world. I may never be liked by many, or fit into a church family. I may be the forgotten one. I may always be an outcast, but God didn’t leave me completely alone. He has blessed me with some amazing people who will never leave my side no matter what. I am still amazed at how some of them love me unconditionally even on days I don’t love myself. They are a small number and that is fine because Jesus didn’t have a huge amount of friends. He had 12! He shows us the importance of keeping your circle small because a lot cannot be trusted, but there are some who are worth their weight in gold. You know who you are. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a few who love me so good. I have come to realize my place is not to belong to any group or anything, but my place is the few special people in my life and the people God places in my life who need Jesus. My place isn’t to be the best x,y,z. My place is to be used however God wishes. So it will be done!
Some people I have wanted to please/ make happy want me to do things contrary to God’s word, like worry non stop, put things above God and my spouse, intentionally harm myself etc. This is one of the reasons why people pleasing is not something God wants us to do. Another reason is it can become an idol and become the center of our life rather than Christ being the center of our life. And what an awful idol it is too because no matter how much you try you are left feeling empty. Some of the people you try to please can actually be harmful to you. A lot of them actually could care less about you, your health, or anything. How do I know this? Because I have been betrayed many times by people who have claimed to care about me/ be my friend only to find during a testing time they reveal who they really are. That is when the truth comes out that I am worth less than an old couch on the curb waiting for trash collection day to them. That is when they point out my flawed health, my epileptic seizures, any mistakes I have ever made, or decide that they simply do not like me anymore.
I am an open book because I want to share God’s love with everyone and want to live my life as a living sacrifice for him. If I can help lead anyone to salvation in Christ, then I consider my life a success. However, it has been revealed to be my God and a few wise, amazing people he has placed in my life, that I need to be careful who I trust. I have been hurt many times and while I sometimes could care less about my life, if I trust the wrong people I can be pulled away from God’s will. If he wants to use me to reach people but I am being pulled 100 different directions, how can I do his will? If I waste my time on people who will never appreciate anything I do, then I will miss the people who really do need me. Plus every time I get burned, the same devil lies resurface such as me being worthless, that I can do nothing right, and that I deserve nothing good. Then I am tempted to believe those lies for a while and I waste precious time and energy that could be devoted to God. And then I go chasing after things that God doesn’t have for me, which is also a waste. My goal should be to live a life surrendered to whatever He wants of me and to do that I must put everything to the side and only let him be the once speaking to me.
Despite my pain at Maui being lost and at this point possibly stolen or dead, and all of my efforts I put into that, I still had people who have decided I haven’t done enough. People who think I don’t love him, etc. It is quite a few people. People who think I have used my seizures as an excuse to not be more involved in his search, when that isn’t true. People who think my health and life do not matter. They made it loud and clear they would be happier I were gone. I wish this was the first time I have been down this road but it has been something I have experienced since I was a young girl. In fact I will never forget the girl who told me she wished I were dead and never existed even though I never did anything to her. I have been through enough situations to know that most people do not care about me, or hate me. I have been through enough to know that to most I have no worth or value. Yet, every time God uses the situation somehow for good.
I can already see how He has been at work in this sad situation. He has made a way for me to show Christ to someone who needs Jesus’ love in their lives. He has shown me that I need to look to him first before I cast my pearls. I need to let him take the reigns and trust his will even when I can’t see anything good. He always has a master plan and he is making my life out to be a masterpiece, even when most days I think I am one of his scrap pieces of paper. If I have to go through a bit of pain to see someone accept Jesus, then I will gladly go through any pain for that. Why? Because after we die we don’t cease to exist and I want to bring anyone to Heaven with me that I can. Any suffering I deal with in the meantime pales compared to what is yet to come in Paradise. I already know it is going to be amazing and I already have confirmation from my dream the other day that my dogs, all of them, will be there with me for eternity. So even if Maui isn’t found, this isn’t goodbye. I will still keep my hopes up that he is alive and will be found, but I also know even if worse comes to worse, it’ll be okay. And contrary to what some people told me yesterday, I do have peace at whatever happens because God gives us peace beyond understanding in the midst of heartache and storms. In fact, he says to worry for nothing but to give it to him.
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6 NIV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
I may never have a place in this world. I may never be liked by many, or fit into a church family. I may be the forgotten one. I may always be an outcast, but God didn’t leave me completely alone. He has blessed me with some amazing people who will never leave my side no matter what. I am still amazed at how some of them love me unconditionally even on days I don’t love myself. They are a small number and that is fine because Jesus didn’t have a huge amount of friends. He had 12! He shows us the importance of keeping your circle small because a lot cannot be trusted, but there are some who are worth their weight in gold. You know who you are. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a few who love me so good. I have come to realize my place is not to belong to any group or anything, but my place is the few special people in my life and the people God places in my life who need Jesus. My place isn’t to be the best x,y,z. My place is to be used however God wishes. So it will be done!
