Nothing can ever separate us from His love

Hello everyone, I hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas time. It has been longer than usual since my last blog, and I am sorry for that. A lot has been going on since then, which I will fill you in on in a second. Plus, I have been struggling a little with being faithful to God, but I have learned just how patient and loving he is during this time. So this blog will talk about that and also how God blesses us in the big and small things. I also have an exciting goal for 2022 and Lord willing, it will be a great accomplishment and a way to bless others. I am going to be working on a devotional that is based around the chronic illness experiences that myself and many others go through. My hope is that my devotional will be able to let people know that they are not alone when they have periods of suffering, confusion, and uncertainty. I also want them to be able to find joy despite it, like I have been able to. Since I haven’t been able to use my Master’s degree in Org Communication like I wanted to, with covid and finding out I am immunocompromised, I have decided to put a traditional office job on hold. In the meantime, I will pursue my dream of becoming an author and will put both of my college degrees and talents there. I would love to have your love, encouragement, and support throughout my journey.


After getting Shingles at the end of April, and then seeing a rheumatologist in July because of a positive ANA result, we discovered that I have RNP protein in my blood, which does not exist in people with healthy immune systems. I was happy to finally have an answer to why I was having so much joint pain and swelling, as well as nerve pain. The nerve pain has been accredited to Fibromyalgia, and my rheumatologist believed that Sjogrens is the rheumatic condition that I have because I also have extremely dry mouth, dry eyes, dry throat, dry skin and no diabetes (thank God because a few years ago I was prediabetic, but that is no longer the case!) We began treatment in August on hydroxychloroquine and just like he said my symptoms would slowly get better over several months because it is a slow acting medication. It was really hard to even walk more than a few steps at a time this past summer. I remember being on my anniversary trip with my husband and the dogs and having to take breaks, not because of being out of shape or out of breath, but because my hip joints and lower back would hurt so bad and my back would spasm. I was sad that I may not be able to enjoy any of the activities I used to because even my favorite outdoor summer pastime, swimming, was hard to do. However, I knew God is sovereign and had a purpose, and I knew that getting answers meant one step closer to getting to a better place, so I patiently waited for results. Two months passed and not much improvement; however this past end of October I began being able to take 45 minute walks with the dogs without having to use essential oils, lidocaine creams, and everything else to be able to function. And a month later I decided to get into one of my favorite music albums and attempted to dance, and I was able to dance until I was out of breath and not from pain. It was a miracle! I hadn’t been able to twirl, leap, spin, shake my hips, or any of that for over a year. I was so overjoyed my eyes filled with tears and I had to scream it off the mountain tops to everyone I knew. God is faithful and I was able to do something I enjoyed again.

                                        

It is very much a touch and go thing still. Some days I have normal range of motion and good energy, while some days I am in so much pain I can barely move. But I am having more good days than bad. Currently my migraines are worse, which is an ongoing battle but I am trusting the most High God for guidance and help with those too. I have a new rheumatologist because my current one is moving to another state, but I really like my new one. She has ordered some specialty tests to see if it is possible I have Lupus. It is scary to think I might have that, but I am going to continue putting my faith in God, not matter what. He never stops loving us, no matter what we do, and when we are his children he works everyone out for our good. I have not been the best Christ follower recently and I will openly admit that because too many people think that Christianity is about being a perfect follower of Christ, or that it means we sin no more. Rather, Christianity is about accepting Jesus’ gift of salvation and acknowledging he is the son of God and that we are broken and need forgiveness. We then look to Jesus to guide us and live through us. We can’t be “good” on our own. And we often times stray despite having everything we could ever need in Christ because we still have our fleshly sinful desires.

 I haven’t been reading the Word of God much and not spending much time with him daily, and I ashamed to say that but I also want to be authentic. I have gotten distracted with other things and have put things above Him. But when I do that, I always feel an emptiness because nothing can fulfill us like Jesus can. I was afraid he was going to punish me for not being obedient like I should be, but instead Jesus has been patient and sent love my way. He has gently guided me back to him by lightly putting it on my heart to pray and to spend time with him. He has shown me that he still loves me just as much as he did when I was created, and that he is always eagerly awaiting for me to look to him. This is the same for unbelievers. Jesus patiently and gently waits for them to realize he is real and that they need him as their savior. Jesus isn’t angrily looking at us for every wrong move we make. He mourns when people choose to not accept him and he mourns when believers put other things before him. But he will always lead us back to him because nothing can ever take us out from his hand once we accept Jesus. We are promised eternal life in Heaven and the Holy Spirit in our hearts the moment we accept Christ. And then we are called to share God’s truth and love with the world so that people are saved from hell. God doesn’t just want us to accept him and then forget. He wants to bless us and give us fulfilling lives too, while we faithfully rely on him for all of our needs.

My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.I and the Father are one.” John 10:28-30 NIV 

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”)  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39 NIV

A relationship with Christ is a journey and we will never be perfect until we reach Heaven one day. We sometimes are fully relying on him, and sometimes we choose sin. But no matter what our eternity is secured and that is the biggest gift and hope on this entire earth. I really want everyone reading this to accept Jesus as their Lord and savior so that we can be in Heaven together and so that you can have the best life that Jesus has for you. I believe that everything that happens to us is not by chance, but by God’s perfect design. And I have some more amazing things to share with you that show how God has each aspect of our lives perfectly planned according to his will! Some of my biggest blessings have come in the most unexpected places and forms. For instance, some of them live in my home, while some of them live across the world! And without God I wouldn’t have them. 2021 has been a little hard, but I want to share with you the blessings God has given me this year to show his love.

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. Romans 10:9-10 NIV

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV


My husband is one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me. He is patient, funny, and kind, and he is my biggest supporter when it comes to my health. He understands how some days I can’t work, and he takes me to each appointment since I cannot drive due to epilepsy. He has stayed by my side even though when I met him I was perfectly healthy. He believes in our vows, in sickness and in health, and I am forever grateful for that. My dogs each are blessings that God strategically placed in my life. Mikki has been my service dog and my dream/ heart dog. She literally knows me so well and has saved my life before when I had a sleep seizure and my breathing stopped. She is always eager to please and she can alert to migraines, low blood sugar (a migraine trigger), and she assists with panic attacks. She is a sweet dog that is very nurturing to her dog siblings as well. Her favorite place to be is in my arms. She keeps her eye on me to make sure I am okay and safe, much like God does. She watches over me, just like God watches over all of us. Coco was added to our family August 2020, and has struggled with dog anxiety and pica, until recently getting her special medication for it. Now she can enjoy life more and she too has as special place in my heart, just like all my dogs do. Coco likes to remind me to relax and she gives hugs, like literal human hugs where she wraps her arms around my torso and back. I am thankful I have her to cuddle with and watch TV with. Mae Mae is also a cuddle bug and she too can naturally alert when a migraine is about to happen. She keeps to herself more than the others, but she can sense the slightest change in my mood and will do anything to make me smile. Petra is my wildchild and forever a puppy. She reminds me that God wants us to have fun in this life too and to take time to just be silly. She also is very protective of me on walks, making sure to bark if anyone suddenly appears or approaches. She warns me of possible danger just like the Holy Spirit does.


I have longed for some more friends after 2020 because I found out some people weren’t who I thought they were. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a few besties, and they know who they are if they are reading this. But I wanted more friends and thought it would be cool to meet some people from different backgrounds and walks of life. Well, God provided that in the most surprising way; twitter. Twitter has been a double edged sword for me because I have also had a stalker on there and some bullies, but I wouldn’t change becoming active on twitter for anything in the world because of what I have been blessed with. Much like I met someone who is like a sister to me on a Christian blogging group four years ago, I have met a few ladies who are now some of my besties. We originally just talked about a soap opera, Bold and Beautiful and our favorite characters. But as time went on, we began to get to know each other and we have a ton in common. We are all going to plan to meet up sometime too. We have enjoyed endless nights of phone calls, texting, etc. One of them is multiracial like me and from Africa. Another one only lives a state away. And one lives all the way in Sweden! I am not sure how I am going to get Sweden or get her here, but we will find a way one of these days. Mimi is the newest close friend to me. We both are very loyal, bubbly gals who enjoy each others company. Seriously, she is very sweet, just like my other girls Alex and Tesha. I may have finally found the best friend I have been looking for, but perhaps in the form of three more besties haha. I know a year ago I was dying to have a #1 best friend because it seems all of my closest friends have one friend that is their favorite. Well maybe I am not meant to have one closest friend, but several. Or perhaps my#1 bestie and vice versa is one of these ladies. They have helped me through an insane 2021 and I have done my best to make them smile and laugh each day. Now I don’t know what I would do without them. I am so thankful God has blessed me with these wonderful women and I look forward to creating many memories with them in 2022. And for my OG besties, I look forward to many hangouts and for covid’s butt to be kicked.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 NIV

I hope that I am always able to encourage you all and that you see God’s love in me. If you aren’t already saved, I hope and pray you will ask Jesus into your heart soon. It is very simple to do and once you do you are forever in God’s family. God bless you all and may you have a blessed, safe Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year.

Hope in these weary days

                               

                                        My mom and I on Mother's day my freshman year of college. Just wanted to share :) 

Hello everyone. Sorry it’s been a minute; my health has been a bit crazy as I have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, and am navigating that. I’ve also been getting to know some new friends, which has been wonderful. A lot of current events have been weighing on my heart lately, as many of them point to the times we are living in, and are giving me a sense of urgency for sharing the love and truth of Jesus with you while I am still here to do so. Today I want to share and encourage you about how you can be certain that your future will be bright and full of God’s never ending love, joy, and blessings both on this earth and in the afterlife. I want to share how you can be certain that you are going to Heaven and that even now you can have God leading your steps, planning good for your life. There is only one way to Heaven and that is through accepting Christ Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and this gift is available to all of us. I want to share some of my testimony with you, as well as God’s Truths and let you know what is yet to come. I know many of you are well aware that our world is getting worse and worse. Natural disasters are ramping up, pestilence is taking over the world (Covid19), and violence is continually growing more and more prominent. This is very discouraging even for us believers because while we know this won’t last forever, we hate to see all of the suffering going on in this broken world. Christ followers after all are still human, and thus still feel the weight of this world on our shoulders, the sorrows, and we still even make mistakes because God is perfect, not us. What simply sets us apart is that we have decided to accept Jesus and want to show the world how that has changed our lives and how it can change yours too. More than anything, I want everyone I meet, especially those I have gotten to know well, to know the love of Jesus and to know they are going to Heaven one day just like I am.

In Matthew 24, Jesus speaks of what times will be like when his return is near. As each day goes by, especially since 2020, I find myself seeing these words become more and more of our reality.

And Jesus answered them, “See that no one leads you astray. For many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and they will lead many astray. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are but the beginning of the birth pains. Matthew 24:4-8 ESV

Currently, we have a lot of people who claim to be God himself or have a special message that only God has told them. Think about certain religions, televangelists, and anyone who has some sort of fame. Some Hollywood stars and politicians claim themselves to be God. New age beliefs say that we all are “God” and that we have his powers. But that is false because to be God we would need to be perfect, omnipotent, and loving always. We did not create ourselves, and we are flawed, which means we are human beings. Some televangelists say that God has given them a special message that if you give them your money, God will make you wealthy. They don’t even teach anything out of the Bible, other than doctrine of good feelings and also manipulation. They use their power to get rich off of you, which is not Godly. That is greed and awful manipulation. A true Christ following pastor wants to reach the lost with God’s Truth, sharing how we all are broken and in need of a savior. A true pastor and leader is selfless and does not strive to be overly wealthy because they know God will provide for them and that being wealthy is a hedonistic desire. There is nothing wrong with being wealthy if the Lord has blessed one that way. But trust me, deceiving people is not blessed by God and those are the false prophets God mentions in his Word. They will not inherit the kingdom of God and will be punished for leading many astray. As time goes one, we see more and more of these false prophets appearing, and sadly many follow them blindly.

As for wars and rumors of wars, we have had so much war over the last 50 years or more. However, there are more threats of nuclear wars happening, and there is an increase of mentions of possible war. Scripture tells us that the end of times won’t be a peaceful time, and we aren’t in a peaceful time currently. We have terrorists of many forms and hateful groups even within our own country who have made threats of civil war. Earthquakes continue to increase in magnitude and occurrence, and we have been battling pestilence since right before 2020. We have many nations who are against each other and ready to war. Think about Afghanistan right now and how terror groups are sadly harming their own people. Or how tensions continue to rise between countries. As Matthew 24 notes, this is just the beginning and that is true because eventually God’s people will be taken out of this earth before the tribulation period. And in the Tribulation period there will be way worse things than what is going on now. I want all to be saved right now before the tribulation because it is a horrible thing to go through, and because we don’t know when our last breath will be. A few verses later in Matthew we learn about an increase in lawlessness and people becoming heartless, and how the gospel will continue to fill the entire earth, which I want to do out of love for all of you. I will post those verses of Matthew below, and then I want to share some of my specific testimony and how you can be certain of your future.

And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. Matthew 24:11-14 ESV

                                              

                                                                        My service dog and best friend Mikki


I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior when I was around 8 years old, after getting in trouble with some children at the playground and realizing just how much I messed up. It was at that moment that I knew I could not keep up with the perfectionist/ perfect behavior that I wanted to, and I knew God was real after being taught about Him from my parents. I heard God tell me that He loved me and He would forgive me, and that is when I said yes to Jesus being my Lord. At the time I felt so shameful for the things I had said to the other kids when we had a fight, and I thought that I was unlovable. Yet, God drew near to me and let me know he was there and wanted me to know him and experience his love. It was an incredible experience that I want everyone else to experience because throughout my life I have continued to hear God lavish his love upon me. He loves you all too. When I was a little younger I would sing songs about Jesus and talk about how much I loved Him, but it was when I was a little older that I realized I needed him. We can accept Christ at any age, and everyone’s story is different. Just because I wasn’t someone who was living a very sinful life before being saved, doesn’t mean my story is any less valid and vice versa. Also contrary to what many non believers think, becoming a Christ follower does not mean that we QUIT sinning. Rather, we have the strength from Christ to say no to our temptations. But until we die and go to Heaven, we struggle with our sinful desires. What changes us is Christ living in us and us allowing him to do so. Christians are no better than a non believer, we simply have acknowledged that we are broken and we need Jesus to save us. We make the same mistakes as non believers and sometimes repeatedly commit a sin, but we don’t fear hell anymore because Jesus paid that price on the cross. Once saved, a believers calling is to share the gospel with whoever the Lord puts in their path because we love all people and wish for all to be saved, just like Jesus does. I’m going to be honest that I struggle a lot with living a Christ centered life. A lot of times I get off track, I fall into temptation, or I don’t spend enough time in God’s Word. However, I am grateful that as his child, I can ask for forgiveness and get back up again.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus Romans 3:23-24 ESV

For God so loved the world,[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. John 3:16-17 ESV

Later on my first year of college was when I decided to pursue God more regularly and understand more of the relationship we have with Jesus once saved. When I was younger, I still didn’t grasp the importance of spending time one on one with God and in the Bible, and I was afraid to share the gospel with others over fear of what they would think of me. That all changed spring quarter of my freshman year of college. During spring break I was invited to go on a mission trip to Panama City Beach, Florida, to witness to other spring breakers. The first day on the beach I was really nervous, but I knew people needed to hear the truth and that mattered more than my temporary social anxiety. I was paired with another freshman girl and a sophomore named Tyler, and we prayed and then began walking up the shore. Tyler asked if we felt the Holy Spirit leading us to anyone, and while the other girl did not, I felt drawn to a young woman sitting by herself on the beach. Little did I know this was a divine appointment set up by God until we got to talking with her. She was very friendly and happy that we had stopped by to talk with her and she had knew about God, but didn’t have a relationship with Jesus. We all began telling her about ourselves and breaking the ice when I discussed my little sister having Autism, and then I found out she had a brother with Autism. As time went on God gave me the words to say and I could feel Him at work in her heart, and in ours. That was the start of a beautiful week and many more spring breaks of going to share the gospel. But it didn’t end there, for I still have a longing for the lost today and a pull towards those who need to know about the love of Jesus.

                                   

                                                       Three friends I made my first time on the mission trip in FL

Two years later, I met my now husband at the college library where we were both working. When I first met him I knew something was special about him, and I felt God letting me know it was okay to get to know him, for I was afraid of dating an emotionally abusive prior relationship. First Robbie and I would just talk about my computer science class and how he was majoring in that, and how he wanted to help me with that class because I was struggling (and I am usually a straight A student haha). We also talked about our favorite animals, music, and all the typical things you say when getting to know someone. Then the topic of Jesus came up, actually by him. He wanted to know what my beliefs were. So I shared that I was a Christian and that Jesus was my Lord and Savior. I then asked him what he believed and he said he really liked Jesus, but he didn’t have a religion. Many actually would have wanted to me walk away right then because he wasn’t a Christian. But I didn’t because I knew God was at work and Robbie was placed in my life right at the moment and for a reason. So we began going on dates and he would stay up with me until 3 am in the living room of the house I lived in helping me with my computer science projects. My other housemates were awestruck at how patient he was with me and how much time he dedicated to making sure I passed that class. All the while whenever I got the chance I would talk about the things that give me joy and how God has blessed me. One night he said that he noticed I had God’s favor and said that he wanted that for himself too. And I told him that he could if he accepted Jesus as his Savior. A few months later he decided to join me on the spring break mission trip and the first night he was there he prayed with a leader for Jesus to be his Savior. I never knew how beautiful my love story would be; that God would use me, a girl next door type, to help someone become a child of his.

                                          

                                        One of the first pictures of my husband and I back when we were dating


I am a firm believer that everyone we come across in this life is for a reason, especially those that we begin to develop friendships and/ or relationships with. I don’t even know why I wanted to take the computer science class in the first place, but I know it was part of God’s plan, just like him putting it on my heart to work at the library my junior year, which is where I met my soulmate and has been my favorite job I’ve ever had for many reasons. I have made friends in all places and even online and I know that is also part of God’s plan. One of my new good friends that I hope ends up being a friend for life recently said that she hopes what she does is enough for her to be saved. I want to share with you the amazing news that there is a way we can be certain that we are saved and our eternal destination is secured. Nothing we do can ever be enough to save us because we are sinners. Don’t lose hope though because Jesus came into this world and died on the cross so that he paid our debt and we can be free of our sinful nature by accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

So how does one become saved? Do we need to get our act together? Do we need to know all the answers to many questions we have? Thankfully no. God accepts us just as we are and where we are at. There will always be questions both non believers and believers alike have, and some we can find the answer to, while others we won’t know until eternal paradise. But if you have a little faith, just enough to desire to know God and his son Jesus to be your Savior, then that is all you need. God draws near to us and opens our hearts so that we will accept him. He desires all to be saved and is actually working day and night to show you who He is and to develop a personal relationship with you. If you find yourself thinking about God, eternity, and having curiosity questions God is already at work. He is patiently waiting for you to make the decision to follow Jesus. I believe if you are reading this you are being drawn to God and he is eagerly awaiting the moment you accept Jesus, and I believe you will. All it takes is admitting that we are broken and in need of Jesus as our savior, and asking him to forgive us for our sins. If you want to be sure that you are going to Heaven and you are ready, just go ahead and tell Jesus that you believe He is Lord of all, that you want him to be your savior, and ask if he could forgive you of your sins. If you believe that in your heart when you pray it, congrats you are now a child of the most high king! Everything else will fall into place as Jesus will continue to work on your heart throughout the rest of your life. And the amazingness begins now! We don’t just have to look forward to Heaven; we can look forward to now. Because God has a perfect plan for your life and desires to lavish you with love now and guide each step of your life <3.

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9 NIV

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NIV

This life can be really hard at times, and until Jesus returns this world is broken because of the curse of sin. While it can be easy to lose heart at times, as believers we know we have a hope that is certain and that God keeps his promises. He promises that there will be a day when there are no more tears or sorrows, and we will live in perfection with Him. He also promises to never leave our side and that he has a good plan for our lives both now and eternal. God promises to provide our needs and desires, and I can say first hand he has done this in my life. More than once, I have almost faced death. In my other blogs I talk more in detail, but there has been more than one instance where I could have been crushed in a car accident. But each time God intervened. The one time if he wouldn’t have dispatched an angel I wouldn’t be here writing this right now. My mom and I, along with my late dog Luke were in the car on the way back from me graduating college with all of my belongings. Someone ran a light as we were turning and I knew for sure we were going to be crushed because they were speeding at least 70 miles per hour. I screamed out the name of Jesus and pushed my dog onto the floor, expecting to be crushed. Yet we were fine. We felt a huge force move our car over and the other car flew past, just barely missing us. People had already jumped out of their cars expecting to need to help us and were just as amazed as we were. God intervened because it wasn’t our time yet. A few years later I had a seizure in my sleep and I stopped breathing. My service dog Mikki woke my husband up and began nudging me so that I would start breathing again. She was on top of me making sure I was okay. When my husband and I were first married he had been laid off and it was really hard to make ends meet, so I was working two jobs. But God provided a way for us to have food in addition to me working, and he eventually gave Robbie a temporary job until he found a full time job in his field. When my first dog died, God already had another special dog lined up that would take care of my heart, and my health as my next service dog. Even in really hard times now financially, or health wise, or even the desire for companionship, God has made a way. I know he won’t stop now and I know he wants to do the same for you!

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4 NIV

Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 NIV

Some may believe that because of science there isn’t a God. Nonetheless, science actually proves God’s existence. The magnitude of the universe, and even our galaxy the Milky Way (what my dog Mikki is named after), demonstrates that there is a creator. The precision of our bodies, how perfectly the earth is placed in the universe, where just a little bit further away or closer would result in it being inhabitable, also declare God’s glory. The love animals show us, the fact that we desire to gain more knowledge and love each other again point to God. We are made in God’s image. God is real and God loves you. He made you for a reason and he wants to get to know you. But he doesn’t force this; we have to make the decision for ourselves. All other religions put an emphasis on dogma or rituals being what saves us, and if you have been in one of those and feel as if they were empty, you'd be correct because Jesus is the only way and we can’t save ourselves on our own. I hope and pray this has encouraged you and that I have gained (or soon will gain) another sister/ and or brother in Christ. God bless you <3.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6 NIV

A lot can happen in a year

Hello everyone I hope all is well. Sorry it has been a minute since I’ve last blogged. A lot has been going on in my life, some good and some not so good. I will touch on more of that in a minute, but first I want to mention that I am very thankful to be in the place I am spiritually and mentally now compared to the place I was in this time last year. Sometimes I wonder how much I have grown, but recently I have been put to the test several times and I can see that I have grown both spiritually in my walk with Christ and overall with my self confidence and mental health, which I owe God the glory. If some of what I have been going through happened a year ago, I am not sure if I could have made it. I am not sure if I would have had the strength to endure. I already lost some friendships last summer just for standing up for what is right and for making sure everyone is loved and treated fairly. But now I have discovered that my chronic health conditions…. the seizures, chronic migraines, kidney pain, myoclonic jerks, panic attacks, depression, anxiety….everything except the PCOS may be symptoms of a bigger disease. A few weeks ago I tested ANA positive, which are antinuclear bodies found in the blood of someone who has an autoimmune disease. Very rarely, it is a false positive. However, chances are the positive result is accurate because I have other symptoms that point to autoimmune disease as well as family members with three different autoimmune conditions. My mother has Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's, and a cousin on my dad’s side of the family that I never got to meet when she was living, had Lupus. I wouldn’t have even suspected autoimmune disease if it weren’t for me getting Shingles at the end of April and an urgent care doctor urging me to get tested because he was concerned there was something else going on beneath the surface.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 ESV

God works in mysterious ways because while Shingles was quite painful, and made it hard to lift my entire left arm and move my left leg even (and it was on my upper left chest!), this led to me getting help that I didn’t even know I needed. For the last year I have been having burning sensations occasionally that would hurt and sting so badly I would take Benadryl thinking it was an allergic reaction. But as time went on the pain has gotten worse and now I realize it is nerve and muscle pain. It literally feels like I am being shocked over and over again with an electrical outlet when the pain begins and no over the counter regular painkiller can touch it. It makes my muscles move uncontrollably and I feel like I am on fire. In desperation I get an ice pack and peppermint essential oil and slather it on with Aloe Vera or lotion. Otherwise, I can’t do anything until the pain passes. I also get a red rash all over my body especially if I go out in the sun and my skin is inflamed most days. If you press on it even very lightly you can see how inflamed it is. It is hot to the touch. It wasn’t always this bad. Four years ago I would get shocking sensations here and there and didn’t know what it was. My skin would only be red after a shower or bath. Sometimes walking is painful because my hip gets sharp pain. When walking the dogs the other day I had to keep stopping every two minutes or less because my hip bone was hurting so bad. This is new to me because I have always been able to walk. Later that evening the pain grew to the rest of my body where my arms, legs, fingers, neck, everything felt like I ran a marathon. The myoclonic muscle spasms make the pain worse too because it feels like itching mixed with painful fire. I am so thankful I am seeing the rheumatologist in early July so that I can finally get closer to treatment and getting my life back. Some days I have had to not work not even because of migraines but because of the body pain. I want anyone reading this with chronic pain to know you aren’t alone and that I care about you. You are a warrior and don’t let anyone tell you anywise. My regular doctor told me Shingles young doesn’t mean serious illness but when I described my other symptoms she ran tests and that’s when she knew I needed to see a specialist.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 ESV

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV

I am going to be honest, I am a bit scared. Before I went to my regular doctor to get tested for autoimmune disease, someone on twitter who happened to notice my tweets about me being sick and all the conditions I have, commented and said she has everything I have and in the end she was diagnosed with Lupus. A good friend of mine who has Sjogren's believes I have Lupus based on everything I have mentioned (which is much more than what I just described above, the pain is one small fraction of it). When I look up autoimmune diseases Lupus is the one that most matches several phenomenons I have. Such as when I have had non epileptic seizures. I just have to be patient right now and trust God with my health and my future and I know I can do that. So I am going to be brave because God is good and because I want to encourage you all who are going through similar things that God is bigger and he works all things out for your good. I know my God is a good God. There have been some moments where I have been very Depressed the last few months, but I have reminded myself of how God kept me alive last Summer and how he has come through each and every time. I had a “friend” tell me that she would k*ll herself if she had Shingles when I told her I had that. Instead of dwelling on that bad advice or cruelty, like I may have a year or two ago, I realized not everyone has compassion and understanding. So I just let it go and continued on. Despite this not so good news, there has been some good things going on in my life because God always blesses me and he never leaves me empty handed. Before I continue on to the good news, I want to share something my pastor Todd said today because it relates perfectly to what I am going through (and you too if you are going through something similar or another trial). We have been going through a series of how God chose unqualified people in the old testament to fulfill His will and how God is always faithful and keeps the promises He made to each individual, including us. Today we focused on Joseph and his unwavering commitment to God. It is easy for us to follow God when life goes our way. But how many of us will continue to follow Jesus when life gets hard, very hard. We need to stay loyal to God because he is good and he is always working everything out for our good. Nothing happens to us by accident and the more we live our live focused on him and surrendered to Him, the more we will realize everything will be okay. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and later imprisoned because of a lie that he raped someone when he didn’t. Yet despite this God still blessed Joseph and all ended well. If God will honor Joseph’s faithfulness, He will honor ours too.

 

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2 ESV


Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7-7 ESV

Onto some happy things to share :) First, I finally got to see my bestie Kristin and her husband Kyle for my 28th birthday this past April! Robbie and I took a road trip along with all four dogs and it was great. It had been two years since I had seen my friends because Covid had hit the last time I was going to see them; Kristin lives in another state but we’ve been bffs since senior year of college when we were roommates. The first day Robbie and I took the dogs to the beach. Mikki and Mae Mae remembered the sand from when they went to the beach three years ago, and it was Coco and Petra’s first time at the beach and seeing the ocean. This time Mikki did not dig as much but Mae Mae was the one to get sand up her nose haha. As for Petra and Coco, they loved walking along the beach as did all six of us. Petra and Coco also enjoyed barking at the seagulls even though mommy told them no. Being at the beach is always so relaxing to me but it’s so much more than that. I can’t explain the sensation I get at the beach but I feel a unique emotion and feeling when I am there. I feel like I am at the happiest place in the world and that there is nowhere else I would rather be, especially when I am there with my loved ones. One of these days we may just move closer to the beach if that is God’s plan of course. If it isn’t, I see many vacations to the beach and even mini vacays because it is just the best place ever. I have always loved swimming all my life and the pool is my second favorite place but the beach is a whole other level because it’s much more than swimming. It is the sound of the seagulls, waves, and children giggling. It is the salty air and the cool breeze going through your hair while the waves simultaneously touch your toes unexpectedly tickling you. It’s the feeling of being free, safe, loved. I definitely see God’s craftsmanship in the ocean and the sand.

                        

The next few days we spent with my friends and their dog Colbi, as well as our dogs. I was surprised that out of my dogs Coco was the one who wanted to be around Colbi and had a crush on him, yes our 8 year old Pomeranian we adopted almost a year ago. It was funny my usually well behaved Mikki would bark if I petted Colbi so I had to make her behave. She settled down after a few corrections but I don’t think I ever saw her be so jealous. It was nice catching up with my friends and enjoying each others presence. As always by the end of the trip, we were sad to go because time always flies when you are having a good time. Kristin is a true ride or die as they say. She always has my back along with Sarah. I have a few good friends but none truer than those two. They would do anything for me and I would do the same for them. After learning some truths about friendships and what really goes into one, I am glad I do have some who also return the love. It is a two way street. Many times I have felt that I needed to please people or earn their favor to be their friend. But that isn’t how healthy friendships are formed. I don’t really know why I have fallen into that pattern at times because I make friends naturally, but I think sometimes I tend to view some people are better than me because of my past with trauma and abuse. But I have learned to stop that. Last year I may have dwelled  on the hurt or considered that I was not worthy of friends because this one friend recently decided she no longer wants to be my friend "without an explanation". However I know my worth comes from Christ and not a person, last year I fell into a bit of an old habit of people pleasing. I will not beg anyone who doesn’t want to be my friend to spend time with me. I believe that is not what God would want either. He brings the right people into our lives who love us for us. I know many people I have gotten to know recently who have had issues with one sided friendships or with being hurt. Here is my good news to you. You will find people who love you for you and who value you as much as you value them. Don’t ever degrade yourself for someone who doesn’t respect you. You pray for people like that but it is okay to part ways with people who do not respect you or who lie to you. Also you will continue making friends all of your life, and I also believe some of the friends you make will last a lifetime. So don’t lose hope if you haven't found your besties yet. You may have not met them yet. Or you may have only met a few. As for me, I have met a few already and have met some more recently :)

                         


Like I’ve mentioned before, I meet people in the least expected places. Well my four newest good friends are all from Twitter and all are because of a show we all watch together. We all are the same age range and we have all voice chatted before using Twitter spaces and other means. Yes we spend a great deal of time talking about the shows we enjoy, but we talk about life and other things too. We have gotten to know each other other the last 6 to 8 months and have realized we have a lot in common, as well as some cool differences that I am excited to have in friends. My friend Devona lives a state away and she has two Biracial young toddlers and a white husband and is a great story writer. She has a great sense of humor and she reminds me a lot of my cousin Jada. My friend Tish is from Seychelles, Africa, and is African, French, and Chinese, and is a student currently. She loves swimming like I do and to just have a good time chatting. Both of my girls have given me a lot of support during this crazy journey recently of finding out all these crazy health things. And I show them lots of love back. We can spend hours talking. Then in our group we have Alan and Jay. Alan is from Africa and is a laid back guy who loves the soaps because he was raised around all women and appreciates the genre and Jay is just a goofball. Both are like brothers I always wish I had. We support each other whenever one is struggling and we share in each others successes. And we are always being silly. I can talk to them about Jesus too which is nice. I have gotten to talk to many people on Twitter, but these are the ones I have talked to the most and have gotten to know the most. I just wanted to share how cool it is that you can make friends anywhere and how God will use any situation. I haven’t been able to go as many places as I used to because of Covid and because my job isn’t one that comes into contact with a lot of people. But I am blessed that God has still made a way for me to go out and meet new people virtually, as well as share the gospel too.


No matter what you’re facing, whether it is health problems like me, friendship problems or you just don’t have any good friends (like a few people I have spoken with have mentioned), or whatever the trial may be I want you to know that God has a plan and a purpose for each and every one of us. He is not done with us and when it looks too bad don’t give up because there is always hope. He will bring us to better and we will become stronger in the end and closer to him. Trials and tribulations though tough, are what build character and help us grow in Christ. No trial last forever and soon it will pass. There is always something to look forward to. There is so much life left to live. So much left to explore. Don’t let a few people make you think you’ve met every person and that there aren’t friends for you. Go meet some more. Work toward your goals and dreams, just make sure you put them before the Lord. If you aren’t already a believer all you have to do is ask Jesus to be your Lord and savior right now and ask him to forgive you of your sins. If you do this and mean it in your heart, you have just become a child of Christ and you my friend have a bright future. In a few days my husband and I are going on our 5th wedding anniversary trip and we are excited! I am sore today but instead of focusing on my physical pain, I will think about the fun that lies ahead. God bless you all <3

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 ESV

 

The little moments are precious

                                  

It is a really beautiful day outside today; it is finally 70 degrees outside with clear sunny skies. The birds are singing, and my favorite bird friend, the Mourning Dove, has been singing right above my chimney each day. My Anxiety and Depression hasn’t been bothering me much the last week or two, and I believe I almost made it two months since I had a seizure, but I did have one recently. My migraines are still terrible, but I continue to work with my neurologist for options with that. Overall I can say I have been very blessed lately especially compared to this time last year. The only thing that has been bothering me was I feel that I hadn’t been being used at all by God, and I have been feeling disappointed by that. I often feel frustrated that I still haven’t been able to pursue a career with my Master’s degree and I still have to work on my patience because I feel like time is getting away from me. And I feel like I’m not doing anything. However, as I pray and read scripture more, I begin to realize that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I have a tendency to be an overachiever to the point that I look at the future and forget the importance of each step it takes to get there. I forget that God works out every detail, EVERY detail of our lives out for his glory and our good, and that He HAS been using me and doing some very wonderful things in my life and through my life. I am excited to share how God has been using me because I never thought the pandemic (lock down type situations) would actually allow God to use me, and that something I enjoy as a hobby would end up also being used for God’s glory. I have also learned to continue to trust God’s plan as well as His perfect love for me, which is perfect and kind, unlike the false love of abusive people of my past. I used to think God’s love for me was conditional just like those people’s love and I didn’t realize I projected that onto God until a year ago or so actually, so I will eventually write a blog about that too because I now know nothing I do will make God love me any less and the same is for each of you.

When the pandemic hit last year I tried my best to be upbeat and keep it together for everyone around me. I wanted to check on everyone I knew and I texted and called everyone the first few weeks to make sure they were okay. I was also scared because I didn’t want to lose anyone I cared about, and at first my parents, my sister, and I were all on the vulnerable people list due to different health conditions. I was on an adrenaline high for a bit and I knew God was going to provide, but I didn’t account for how it would eventually affect my mental health to be separated for people for so long when I am such an extroverted person who also cares deeply about the well being of everyone I know. It became lonely but I also learned that for the first time in my life I actually couldn’t find my way out of a situation. I had to fully rely on God and let Jesus carry us. It was freeing although it was a test of faith because I never realized how much I tried to be in control of my life even as a Christ believer. As a Christ believer we know Christ knows what is best and has a plan, so I had to learn to surrender to Him again. Once I did I felt calm and was able to focus on learning watercolor painting, enjoying sitting outside again and just enjoying quiet and a slower pace. It was nice, plus texting some people more often than I normally would felt nice too, despite it not being as good as face to face.

Way pre Pandemic back when I had my Bachelorette party. It was pretty
fun but also not anything crazy this was May 2016 Kristin is across from me. 

 
It wasn’t until that Summer that I hit my lowest point since losing my favorite uncle and my first dog Luke. When all the racial injustice was going on I was trying to speak up as someone who is Biracial to help support the Black community, I wrote a blogpost about my experiences with racism including one that was dangerous in hopes to share just how serious it is. But I was shocked by some of the criticism I received by people I knew...worse I was shocked to realize one of my close friends since high school wanted to disown me as a friend once I shared my post. I couldn’t understand why because I did nothing wrong but apparently me sharing my truth was tearing people apart in her eyes. Later on I found out the truth...she didn’t like that I wasn’t fully white. And a lot of other people on my Facebook began showing their “true” colors. 

 My first dog Luke, my hubby, and I back in 2015

It was then between that and all of the violence that I began to think I was better off dead than alive. I began silently contemplating how much better my husband would be with one of my other friends who was still single if I left him behind and how a lot of my family wouldn’t care if I disappeared anyways. One of my best friends, whom I am going to see in a few days after two years (we live a few states apart after college), noticed I wasn’t my normal positive self and she was concerned for my health when she saw all the attacks I was getting. She told me to go to therapy again. I hesitated at first though. My husband noticed things were off too when I snapped at him for the slightest things and was silent a lot of the time. I became obsessed with wanting to get even with people who were doing such evil things in the world and I lost track of my value in Christ and also that vengeance is His. But He made sure I didn’t harm myself. I came across someone I knew at the car shop who said he read my blogs and that I was the only nice Christian he ever met and that is why he kept my card I gave him with the link on it. He told me he reads them all. He also told me that no matter what happens in life he hoped I knew things would always work out and that I meant a lot to him. Then a few days after that I met someone at my complex pool (safely socially distancing) who was a therapist herself. She knew that I had been around narcissistic and abusive people in my life when I just talked a little bit about my Anxiety and Depression. I forget how it came up because that wasn’t what we were first talking about. But she was a Christian herself and she was like “looks like God wanted us to meet today because we needed to talk.” She said I was blessed by God because I was able to be freed away from some of the abusive relationships I had been in way sooner than some others (like herself) were. She said the fact that God showed me the truth and a way out meant He had a big plan and that He was going to use me in big ways. I was shocked because I was told the same thing two years before by someone else special to me. So it was a reminder that I needed to keep living because I have a story to tell and I have people I still need to meet and get to know. God has work for me to do still. It may not be what I imagined but it is better than I imagined because it was eternal impact.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV


Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

My joy Milky Way aka Mikki my service dog and best friend

  

God’s plan continued a couple months later in October 2020 as I sat in the Hospital bed getting tests done to see if they can capture what types of Epileptic seizures I have. Since I was not allowed to do anything all day, I decided to try out another show besides The Young and Restless: Hello Bold and Beautiful. The craziest storyline was going on with the character Thomas; he was looking like he was losing his mind talking to a mannequin. I Thought I was going to hate the show, but I ended up liking it. I also began meeting people on Twitter who loved the show and helped me find older episodes so that I could learn the history and more about each character. I already had begun making some friends from The Young and Restless, but this was a little different. From October to January I watched so many episodes of the show I can’t even tell you how much time I spent glued to the TV when I usually am not a homebody. But what I can say is I made many friends on Twitter as we tweeted about the show; and we didn’t just tweet about the show. We ended up getting to know each other and being there for each other when we needed it. I am talking “real” friends that I ended up getting to know about their lives and sharing my life with them too. I often share special memories from college and life in general with them and we sometimes spend hours talking each day. Along with talking about the show and life, God has blessed me with the opportunity to share my blogs with people I have met and touch their lives. I have been able to connect with people who have gone through similar situations through me, and offer hope to people who have never heard of Christ before. I can pray for people I get close to and I have made friends who I never would have made otherwise if it weren’t for the pandemic and me finding these shows. Some of these friends are from other states and even other countries. Some people I met were also going through some dark times and at their lowest points and feeling suicidal, and I felt led to share my testimony of how Jesus saved me from that lowest point and how He can save them too. I can’t tell you the joy I have felt when people have told me the words I have written have been exactly what they needed to hear. It just confirms that God is always right and that everything we go through is for a purpose and He will use it for good. I don’t like going through any pain, but I will gladly walk through fire if it means a soul being saved. I want others to see the love of Jesus in me. I want others to see that I am nowhere near perfect and what keeps me going and living is Jesus and that same love and salvation is available to all who want it. All who are willing to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV

Sometimes I get really nervous putting all of my raw emotions and life out in the open for all to see, but I know it is what God wants me to do and I love to help others and relate to you all so I do it with joy. Back in 2019 I shared my blogs with an actress from Jane the Virgin, Yael Grogblas, who played Petra, and she read a few of my blogs and replied to a few of my tweets. So I decided to be brave again and tweet/ Instagram some of my favorite actors and actresses from Bold and Beautiful and Young and Restless my blogs and also words of encouragement. I figured if my blogs can be a blessing to other people I come across, then perhaps they can also bless them as well. And I believe they already have. You see, I have sent some of mine on Anxiety and Depression to Annika Noelle who also struggles with Anxiety when she asked fans what helps us cope with Anxiety and she read my post. I want to encourage and show love to everyone I come across, famous or not. I adore the cast of Bold and Beautiful and I hope to meet them next year at their fan event. I can already tell I would be good friends with a lot of them. Jacqui and Annika are two of my favorites. Jacqui is always dancing around and she is a free spirit. We would definitely have a good time as two extroverts chatting it up and having a dance party. Annika and I would cuddle with our fluffy dogs and chill. As for my favorite Young and Restless actress, Sharon and I tweet pretty often and she is perfectly cool with me calling her bestie lol. She loves it when I send her my blogs and pics of my dogs. Even if I never get to meet these people, I pray they have blessed happy lives full of love and joy. And I want to show them and anyone I come across what Christians are truly meant to be like, full of love. I want them to see Jesus in me. My hope is also for them to want Jesus to be their Lord and Savior one day. But I also don’t pressure anyone because that is a decision each person must make for themselves and also when they are ready.


Even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will. Ephesians 1:4-5 ESV


I forgot a big reason why I have probably been feeling like I am not doing enough is because I actually did face a loss and life change and I didn’t even give myself time to process it. I did have two jobs, the one I have had for several years as a home health aide, my fulltime job, and my part time online teaching job. Well, in the end of December was the last time I would teach my students from China. I found out right after Christmas because the company was going Bankrupt due to Covid. It was really unfortunate because I loved my students so much. They were “my kids.” I looked forward to seeing them grow and learn English and I enjoyed the bond we developed. Some of them loved to show me their toys, while others would have conversations about their culture with me. One girl even told me one day that she had a crush on me haha. I had different levels so some students barely knew any English and some were able to hold conversations well. I had to get up very early in the morning since Beijing, China is 12 hours ahead of my time zone. This incredible experience made me feel certain that I wanted to pursue becoming a college professor eventually which was my original end goal, as I already have my Bachelor’s in Journalism and Masters in Organizational Communication, and teaching comes naturally to me. I just need my PhD and some more experience. However, I often find myself wondering what exactly I want to do long term. College Professor is definitely one of my favorite options as I have always loved education. However, writing is also my passion, as well as helping others. My Masters opens the door to a lot of options and now that the pandemic is finally starting to clear, I hope to start figuring out what to do. In the meantime, I have to be patient. When I pray, God tells me to wait. I am not used to waiting, so it is definitely a new phenomenon for me haha. I am used to chaos and trials and tribulations going on in my life, or either working super hard full tilt. But I am not used to things kind of being chill like they have been, aside from my several migraines I have each week.

When my husband Robbie and I joined our new church this past summer, I was eager to find a way to serve a few weeks in. I remember vividly asking pastor Todd what area he thought we should each serve in and when we should start. At my old church, the one I grew up in, they wanted us to serve constantly and were let down when my health got bad and I couldn’t greet as often as I wanted to. So I wanted to serve God at this new church even if it meant sometimes putting up with pain and I was ready to serve ASAP. However, Todd gently told us that we should just focus on getting to know people at the church and wait a while. He said there would always be ways to serve, but there was no need to rush. I was shocked because I was always pushed to do, do, do. But for once even a pastor told me to wait and take it slow, so we listened. God once again told me to wait. Waiting isn’t easy because I want to push ahead so badly. But I also know that God is working each detail out of my life and that I need to enjoy the here and now. And I have been. While I haven’t had my second job I have been able to get more rest since my migraines are still bad, even though my seizures have decreased. I have also been connecting with all of you and making great friends, as well as cuddling on my days off from work with my wonderful dogs and hubby. I know God is good and I can trust in Him, so I will patiently wait. If you are in a period where things seem stagnant, hang tight. God is working still and He wants you to enjoy the moment and where you are at right now. If you aren’t a believer in Christ, all it takes is a moment to ensure that you will have eternal salvation and a connection to God that starts now. You just have to ask Jesus to come into your heart, that you believe He is Lord and you want Him to be your savior and to please forgive you of your sins. If you believe that when you pray, you are saved. I hope to see you in Heaven one day if not before then <3 I love you all. I hope you have a wonderful week this coming week. I am looking forward to it because I finally see my friend Kristin after so long and I get to go to the BEACH as long as it doesn’t rain with all of my dogs for my birthday :) xoxo


And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6 ESV

 Another pic from my Bachelorette weekend way back haha. If you meet me in person and become my friend I will drag you to the pool or beach at one  point just count on it :) 

 

Things will get better I promise

                             

Sorry everyone I have been meaning to blog for a few weeks now, but I haven’t been feeling the best between a lot of migraines and also feeling sick with cold/flu like symptoms for a little over a week(don't worry I quarantined). I am better now and I am eager to write and share my thoughts with you. A lot has been going on in the world and in America, and it has been disheartening. I can’t stand to see so much hate and violence, division, chaos, uncertainty, etc. take place. I am a believer in Christ and I know that Jesus has the whole world in his hands, but I am also human and I am not going to pretend like I haven’t been anxious and afraid. In fact, this past week while I was at Lowe’s with my husband just getting a few necessities, there was a man who grew irate in the self checkout line over the “outdated technology;” he then channeled his anger at the Indian woman who was working there and said that the company wasn’t American enough and that he hoped it went under. He then looked at me, and I felt the familiar feeling I have felt two times in the past when I have encountered an angry, racist, person. I stayed calm and we quickly checked out, but for some reason he decided to continue yelling and decided to approach me, getting  very close to me, so my husband got in between us and we left. I never engaged him as I had no reason to and I knew it wouldn't be safe. I just told the woman on the way out I hope she stayed safe. As we got to the car the man was screaming in the parking lot about how he wanted America to be white again and he kicked his own car. 

I live in a city, and I have never seen this behavior in my city to this extent, so openly. I had my first panic attack in months on the way home and couldn’t focus on anything. I just realized in that moment just how bad of a state our country and world is in. How much we need the hope and love of Jesus in this world now than ever. That, plus everything that continues to happen was also a sobering reminder to me that we are in this world for a limited amount of time and things are getting closer to a time where everything is going to change. Things in this broken world can be very sad, vile, disgusting, and devastating at times, but I want to share with you some hope and truth, and assurance that the things will get better no matter how bad they get in the meantime. My favorite Bible verse from Romans below mentions how when Jesus comes back everything will be made right, we will no longer be under the curse of sin which happened way back in the beginning with Adam and Eve. We all will be freed, including our animal friends, which makes me especially happy since I have a special bond with dogs, especially my Milky Way. If you haven't already, please read my blog about each of my dogs and how they have been a blessing and gift to me. Milky Way, Mikki, is my dog soulmate and my service dog for my disabilities. She is amazing, I feel God's love from her every second I am with her. Please read along because I want to give you some peace, joy, and I have a few shout outs to my fav actors I have been interacting with lately too. I want you to take a moment to breathe with me and feel my warm personality through this computer screen. 


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope  that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. Romans 8:19-21 NIV

                                 


First, I want to remind everyone that I have severe generalized anxiety disorder as well as a few other disabilities such as Epilepsy and Chronic Migraine, so it is perfectly okay to feel anxious and fearful when there are scary things going on in the world. God isn’t upset at us when we feel this way, he wants to comfort us. The Bible confirms many instances of mental illness, which my pastor did a series on this past summer. So don’t feel ashamed if you feel afraid or scared. There are some Christians who have been wrong and judgmental in many ways, but that is not appropriate and I am here to tell you that's not how God intended it to be. I love everyone and I know I am not perfect. Being a Christian doesn't make us any less human or flawed either. I want to let you know that we are in this together and how we get through these hard times is by relying on Christ by prayer but also by leaning on our family and friends. It looks like we are going to have some rough times ahead because I suspect these violent people aren’t going to let down so easily, but I will be praying and asking everyone I know to pray and intercede to that Christ’s love wins over the evil forces of this world. Next I want you to know that the good things we love in this world are gifts from God. One day when we die, if we have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we will go to Heaven, but the "current" Heaven is actually temporary. In the end, God is going to restore to Earth to its former glory before sin tainted it. And when he does our permanent dwelling place will be the perfect Earth along with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.


Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth," for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:1-5 NIV


Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 NIV


A devotional I have called "50 Days of Heaven" by Randy Alcorn has helped me understand Heaven and the New Earth so much, and I look forward to sharing more of that devotional in detail with you in blogs to come. Alcorn helps us interpret scripture and how amazing the New Earth will be, and it actually I think will make both believers and non believers reading this more excited because it helps us get a glimpse of how great live to come will be. We won’t just be random spirits flying around doing meaningless things for eternity, a misconception both non believers and believers alike have. I’ll admit I have even wondered how Heaven/ New Earth could be awesome because I thought of this Earth as "bad". But that is the wrong thinking. What made this world bad is SIN not the human experience or things that make the Earth, Earth. So on the New Earth we will be able to enjoy things we do now, just without sin AND that is fantastic. That means no more pain, sorrow, suffering, hatred, etc. We will be able to enjoy hanging out with friends, animals, food, dancing, music. We will be able to enjoy being silly, acting, writing, playing instruments,  taking long hikes with our beloved pets, etc. Why? Because God designed us to like those things. We will still be able to enjoy nature and it’s beauty with our friends and the new friends we will make. That excites me to no end! I am so thrilled to spend eternity with my dogs and my family and friends who accept Christ and I hope that my newer friends I continue to make accept Jesus too because I want to spend eternity with them too. The alternative if we don’t accept Christ is to perish in hell, but God doesn’t want that for us and I don’t want that for any of you either. I adore you and I want the best for you. Think about all of the fun pool days we can have with our pets without a care in the world. Think about our fun chats by the bonfire and my favorite thing is to get to know people and talk your ear off, so I can't wait to meet so many people. I will do it all while praising Jesus and holding my best dogs Mikki and Luke Bryan in my arms. Just look at me here, this was me on my 1 year anniversary vacation with my husband. We went on a cruise to the Bahamas. Imagine vacations in paradise when nothing can go wrong...and on this vacation I got to swim with dolphins. So I can't wait to walk among lions, rhinos, tigers, you name it. I want you with me too. So does God. 

                                           

I have been so blessed to have gotten to know so many people online over the past year in this crazy pandemic. I also never dreamed my blog that I started a few years ago would be my platform and how God would use me to share my journey in life as well as my faith. I am still wondering when I am going to actually get going in my career/ get to using my Master’s degree, but I am thinking of publishing a book/ getting started on one this year. But I have to remember my first goal in this life is to do whatever God tells me to. So who knows what I’ll end up doing. Would you believe when I was in high school I actually auditioned to go to a fine arts high school with the goal of becoming an actor? I decided to instead pursue academics because I love writing and interpersonal communications but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I would have become an actress. And not for the fame but for the fun of it. I enjoy the arts, what can I say! I am thankful that I have made so many friends on Twitter because of TV shows such as the Bold and the Beautiful and Young and Restless. I am thankful that I have gotten to interact with some of my favorite actresses from the shows including Sharon Case, Jacqui Mac Wood, Yael Grobglas, and Annika Noelle. Ladies, I love each of you because you are all unique and talented, but you also are down to earth despite being famous. I admire that about you <3. Jacqui I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and Sharon Case I want to be your best friend haha. Annika I love that you love animals so much, I do too. Jacqui you and I love wolves and dogs, so we could talk forever about being dog moms haha and I would love to hear about what it's like having two babies too, as you're about to have your second. I hope to meet you all one day and just have a good time.


Back to Heaven...Here’s the thing, we never know when our last breath will be so it is important to know where our destiny lies now. If you don’t already have a relationship with Christ I hope and pray you would consider it. Even if you are unsure or don’t know what to do, it’s as simple as asking Jesus into your heart. You can be honest and say you don’t really know if he is real but you want to know Him and you want to believe He is and you want him to be your Savior. He will do the rest I promise you. My husband wasn’t saved when I met him. I never once forced anything on him. My husband came to Christ because he saw Jesus in me and he wanted that for his life too. You see when you accept Christ he starts working in your life now. He starts caring for you now and He starts drawing near to you the second you accept him. In fact if you are reading this He is already calling you to him. He wants a relationship with you. A simple prayer is “ Dear God I am broken and lost, I need you I need Jesus as my savior. Please save me, Amen”. If you believe this in your heart as you pray, you my friend are saved. Welcome to God’s family my friend <3


May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV


The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. Psalm 118:45 NIV


One day soon, there is going to be a day when believers are taken out of this world and only non believers are left. If you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior before then you will not go through it. It is all part of God’s plan in the book of Revelation. There will be trial and tribulation and it will be the hardest time in history for anyone to go through. I don’t want any of you to have to go through it, but if you do, I want you to know that you can still be saved during this time. There will be a lot of deception going on and a lot of pain. But you can make it through. Never take the mark of the beast. Never. We are getting close to this time, I see all of the signs which is why I felt urged to write this blog. This has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with my love for humanity, each and every human I come in contact with both in person and online. I love my friends I’ve known for years, my online friends, and my celebrity friends all the same. I want nothing but good for you. I love you all so much! Don’t worry it’s going to be okay. Hate will never win in the end neither will evil. God loves everyone and so do I. We are in this together. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Precious, full of worth. We walk by faith not sight. This life is but temporary but our next life is eternal and it will be perfect <3 xoxo


For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 NIV