Ever since I was just a year or two old, I knew there was a God, and that he had a purpose for me. My mom prayed that I would know Christ since the moment I was conceived and she joyfully sang about Jesus while I kicked about in the womb. Once I was born, she talked to me about Jesus and read me stories from a toddlers bible. My first encounter with God was when I was around a year or two. I was laying on a blanket on the living room floor of my parents townhome with sunlight from the patio shining in next to me. As I laid there with a toy in my hand, I had a vision of all of the planets of the galaxy. Suddenly, my vision shifted to a beautiful place with golden streets and a mesmerizing blue sky. There were animals and people and I saw a glimpse of a man who was in charge of the entire place. He has brown hair and a loving expression on his face. I was too young to grasp what I had saw, but I told my parents that I had saw animals and circle things. Later on as I grew older I realized what I had really saw. I am so thankful that God revealed heaven to me at such a young age. I made the decision to follow Christ several years later when I was about 8 or 9, and ever since God has ordered my steps toward the perfect plan he has for me.
I am nowhere near perfect, but even mistakes made didn’t prevent me from encounters and experiences he had for me to grow closer to him and live the life he had for me. I am filled with joy when I look back at all the times God has protected me, been patient with me, and lovingly blessed me. I have had too many blessings throughout my life to not believe. I wanted to share how the Lord has blessed me today as part of my testimony. I give God all the glory and there are many situations I have come across that cannot be explained by anything or anyone other than God. My hope is that you feel encouraged and that if you haven’t accepted Christ into your heart yet, that you would consider doing it. Jesus loves you for you and where you are at now. Even if you are unsure if you are ready to make that commitment, please read on because I have an amazing story I want to share with the entire world. I love each and every one of you reading this as you are all beautifully and wonderfully made by God.
Growing up I always had God’s protection over other kids and situations that could have harmed me. In middle school I was bullied by most of the girls in my grade, with the worst one being a girl who said that she wanted me dead. Despite the bullying I clinged to Jesus and enjoyed my small circle of true friends and writing stories. None of the girls ever physically hurt me and despite me believing the lies they told me, God eventually revealed to me that none of it was true. While I would feel hurt and alone at night(I was too afraid to tell my parents about the bullying because they threatened my parents too), God would remind me of his presence. I can remember hearing him speak to me a few times and he assured me that he loved me for who I was. I remember asking him about a specific situation my family was going through and him telling me what it would be okay in a few months. When I asked God if I would ever get married since girls would tell me I never would, he told me he had someone special for me. I asked him if my husband could have blue eyes, be patient and loving, cute, funny, and fond of animals like I was. Well, those of you who know my husband can attest that God didn’t let me down. He fulfilled his promises to me just as he will to all other believers. If we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God will bless us. When we turn to him, he will make our paths straight.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Throughout high school I had a lot better of an experience than I did during middle school. I made a few good friends and got along with pretty much everyone. I had several crushes and only one my freshman year liked me back. I was too shy to let him know my feelings when he asked me, so we never dated, and that was okay. I believe that happened that way so that I wouldn’t have gotten into any trouble when my main focus was to learn more, grow up, and be the light of Christ in a dark world. All of my other crushes did not like me back at all, and some were really mean about it. At the time I thought there was something wrong with me, but looking back I am sooo grateful that none of them liked me back because it saved me a lot of heartache. Some of the guys I thought were nice guys ended up dating other girls and beating them, getting them pregnant, or doing hardcore drugs...none of which God had in store for a follower of Christ. I had many people try to pull me away from my faith during those four awkward teenage years, but I asked God to give the strength. Despite this I was blessed with a few good friends who also shared the same morals and values as me. I remain close to these friends today and was given the honor of being a bridesmaid two months ago for one of them.
Toward the end of my high school years God used the spirit of discernment given to me by the Holy Spirit to save my mom’s and I’s lives. We were getting ready to go into CVS on Dublin Granville road to get a few items on sale. It was beginning to grow dark because it was a fall evening/night. Before we got out, my mom began to look through her coupons to see if there were any she wanted to use while we went into the store. Suddenly as she is looking through the coupons, a man walks up to her window. Startled, yet assertive, she told listened through her window rolled up. The man claimed that he had just got out of prison and needed money to help his family. Since it was dark out and he was a bigger man, she told him we didn’t have any, and he quickly disappeared. It was then that I had a uneasy feeling that something was terribly wrong. My mom thought he was gone and asked if we wanted to go in. I told her no and she told me he was gone. The Holy Spirit had revealed to me that he was still lurking around and that if we got out, we would get hurt. So instead of being the go with the flow girl that I usually am, I began freaking out. I screamed “Mom we cannot go inside her. We need to leave NOW.” I told her I refused to get out the car and that she needed to start driving and I began crying. My mom listened because she knew I wouldn’t had been freaking out unless something was up, so she pulled out. As we were driving away, the man jumped out of the bushes where he had been hiding and walked away. God spared us! Had I not listened to him, we may be dead right now. That man had a plan to rob, rape, or even kill us. God’s protection kept us safe.
I’ve been gifted with discernment of spirit for as long as I can remember, but sometimes I chose to ignore it. I really regret that because when I was 15 I was sexually assaulted in a grocery store by a strange older man. I knew something was “off” about him, but I hoped I was overreacting. He asked me what the best cat food was as I picked out some for my mom (we shopped there every Saturday and we always split up to shop quicker). I felt as if he were breathing down my neck. I responded and had planned to keep shopping, but he had other plans. He began berating me because I said no to him questioning whether or not I was Hispanic. He wouldn’t accept no and wanted to know where I lived. He offered to buy my groceries, but I said no and I ran a few aisles away. I thought he was gone when suddenly he was right there. He stuck his hand down my shirt and said he would be seeing me again. I screamed and ran to find my mom and despite attempts to stop him, he was gone. Store manager called the police and reviewed tapes but we never found him. I hate that happened because it has always made me a bit fearful of men I do not know. It makes me more inclined to only want to associate with women to only trust women. It hurt and I felt like a sex object, but I believe even that could be turned around for good. Because I have been healed from that, I can help other women who have also been assaulted. I am able to share the love of Jesus with them and show them how Christ has blessed me despite that. God never wanted me or anyone to go through that but the sad reality is we live in a fallen world and some choose the path of evil. Because of Jesus I have learned I can trust men again. Because of Jesus I have a husband who is very gentle and loving. After that incident I learned to trust when I felt a nudge that something wasn’t right, and since that incident the gift of discernment has saved me from other awful situations and has also allowed me to watch out for fellow brothers and sisters.
My senior year of high school I had no idea what I was going to want to major in college nor did I know God had such a lovely college experience in store for me. My heart originally was set on OSU because my family have always been HUGE buckeye fans and it was close by. My dad was apprehensive of me living away from home and honestly it felt like the most comfortable option. I first heard about Ohio University from my mom’s former supervisor Mark. He as an alumnus of OU and both of his children graduated from there. He thought it would be worth looking at, so I took the first opportunity I got to visit. I was blessed to be able to partake in a special event that was offered to only three students from each Columbus high school. It was a VIP program where we got to tour the university, learn more about the programs we may be interested in and get to know other students who were possible future roommates. I went on the trip with one of my high school besties Vicki, as well as my high school good friend Autumn. It was a ton of fun being able to stay in a hotel and get to see the “cool” college kids walking to their classes. I thought the university was beautiful, but me being the stubborn gal I can be sometimes, I still thought OSU was where I belonged. Well, something you will probably notice occur several times throughout this testimony, and throughout the remainder of my life, is that because of my ambitious and stubborn nature, God has to close all the wrong doors so that I will walk through the right one. I had all the qualifications to get into OSU main campus and yet it was the only college that did not accept me. They didn’t deny me either, but they waitlisted me. It was then that my mom’s boss encouraged me to give OU a go because he said me living on my own would be very good for me, especially since I am the oldest child in my family. Coincidentally(more like God’s Perfect plan unveiling), Vicki had also gotten accept to OU and having someone I knew go away to college with me made me feel that OU was the right move. Oh, and boy was it ever the right move too! Some of the best years of my life were the four years of my undergrad! God moved in so many miraculous ways during each year.
At first Vicki and I were afraid to be roommates because we had heard that if you room with a close friend it can sometimes hurt the friendship. However, God knew we needed to be together so he made it where the only choice was for us to be roommates in a quad in the Convo center with two other girls. I had the option to pick my dorm a few days before Vicki and when I went to pick, there was only my dorm building and one that was known for its scary ghost stories available. I wanted to keep Vicki safe, so I asked her if it was okay to put her in my room and she said that was fine. That decision was one of the best I had ever made! Fall quarter we found out that God had blessed us with two fabulous roomies: Katelyn and Shannon B. Katelyn was a chill, straight A student and Shannon was also chill and a party chica. Shannon and I bonded over both having really curly hair, and our dorm was known for being the most chill in the convo. Every evening we listened to chill music and almost every night was like a sleepover. We would all giggle and share fun stories before drifting away to sleep. Katelyn was the mom of the group and she made sure we always had medicine if needed and that we went to bed at a good time. Shannon was always there to talk if we needed a listening ear.
Honestly, I don’t know how I would have survived the first semester of college without such a great group of roomies. Don’t get me wrong, the classes weren’t super hard. Rather, it was an adjustment being on my own so far from home. God also blessed Vicki and I with a nice group of friends who would eat dinner with us together each night and hangout after dinner. We often had movie nights and dance girl dance parties! It was pretty awesome, aside from a few paranormal encounters. There was a time that a felt something breathing down my neck when I was alone in our room, so I called on the name of Jesus and it fled. There were a few other strange incidents, but the one that sticks out the most was when two of my three roommates were in the room with me. We were all studying for fall final exams, and Shannon’s Apple laptop layed on the center of her bed while she sat at her desk. Suddenly her computer shot across the room and smacked the floor. I felt something there that wasn’t Jesus, so I prayed once more and made sure my friend was okay. Thankfully her computer only had a few scratches. A few weeks later we found out later that there was a group of girls practicing witchcraft down the hall. This experience reminded me that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but is a spiritual battle.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12 NIV
If we have accepted Jesus into our hearts, the spirits cannot touch us, but they will try to influence us. However, if we call on the name of Jesus, they must flee. We can always pray against those spirits and we will be protected by the blood of Jesus.
Unfortunately my friend Vicki couldn’t return for winter quarter, so we had an empty slot in our room. At first, another friend of mine would hangout and use the extra bed until another girl was placed in our room. I was a bit skeptical because she was the same girl cussing someone out on the phone when I was riding back to Athens on gobus a few weeks before, but I decided to give her a chance. At first, she was okay despite the fact that she constantly hammered me for being a Christian. She would constantly belittle me over it, but I ignored her. She was very needy and wanted me to listen to her talk about her boyfriend for hours. I obliged because I hoped maybe we could have a relationship of some sort. A few days turned into a few weeks and I found out that my boyfriend at the time had been cheated, so we broke up. It was hard for a while because no one likes to be cheated on. That roommate ofcourse rubbed it in my face, but I continued to ignore her...until she did the unthinkable. The weekend before Spring break she rearranged the room while we all were gone, and she moved her bed to the spot mine used to be at. She also ripped down all of my posters and threw some of my items in the trash. Needless to say I was heated and for both of our best interest, I moved rooms because I could never trust her again. I forgave her, but sometimes you have to part with people because it’s the best option. I was at my wits end, and I can remember contemplating running away. Thankfully, a few friends talked some sense into me. One of my friends helped me move everything out the room and into a new room. These two roommates seemed promising because one was in the same Bible study as me. I wasn’t expected for what would happen with these roommates, but I am so thankful for it now because it led me to one of my best friends, Sarah! (More on that in a bit)
For spring break I decided to go to Panama City Beach Florida with Cru(Campus Crusade for Christ) on a mission trip. I was excited but oh so nervous because I didn’t know anyone on the trip! At the same time, I was ready to meet new faces. My friend Rachel wanted me to text her the whole time to make sure I was okay, so that helped me feel secure. She carried my bags across campus(before you say WHAT.. she wouldn’t let me carry anything haha. She is a tomboy and wanted to take care of the man duties for me until I found another boyfriend LOL) and helped load them them into the van that took me to the charter bus. I quickly chose a window seat and hoped someone nice would grace my presence. To my delight, a nice guy named Alex sat next to me. I could tell Alex was a Godly man and I felt at ease. For most of the 19 hour ride we talked each other’s ears off. He helped me feel better about my ex because he assured me any man would enjoy a kind woman like me. The more we talked, the more I felt like I had gained a nice brother. I thought he was a bit attractive, but I wasn’t ready for another relationship yet and he was taken. I was happy to have a new friend and it made me start out the trip with a bang! When I look back now I can see that God planned it that way so that I would feel comfortable and so that I could learn that there are plenty of good men out there.
When we arrived to our villas, I was eager to put on my swimsuit and hit up the beach. Saturday was one of our free days, so I decided to get to know everyone better. After swimming in the ocean for a bit and talking with some people from our group, I decided to take a break and relax in the sand. I put my towel next to a nice young lady who was so chill and kind. I instantly knew we’d become good friends, and what do you know? Brandy is one of my best friends now. She didn’t know many people on the trip either, so we both chatted away. After a while, we decided to grab lunch at Cicis pizza, and then chill in the hot tub/ pools for a few hours. That night Alex introduced me to his girlfriend and I met a few of his other friends, including Rebecca and Joe. After making so many new friends, I knew that it was going to be a great week! Little did I know, I would see God move in ways I didn’t even fathom were possible.
The first actual day of going out to share the gospel was on Monday. We started the morning with a huge room full of students from all over the U.S. singing praise and worship songs, followed by a quick sermon. We were then given instructions on where to head to after a quick lunch. Once we arrived to the beach, we broke up into groups and prayed as to who God wanted us to witness too. I was placed in a group a sophomore named Tyler Scidmore and another freshman girl I was very nervous because I had never told a complete stranger about Jesus, but at the same time I was ready to see God work. What I wasn’t expecting, though, was to see God work through me the very first day. After prayer Tyler led the way until he turned to the other girl and I and asked if the Holy Spirit was leading us to anyone. The girl said no, but I looked to my right and saw a girl by herself. The moment I looked at her, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that she needed to hear about Christ.
My heart pounded as we went over, but I was brave and let God do his work. Tyler began the conversation, but a little ways into it the girl said she had a brother with autism and struggled to believe in Jesus because of how much he suffered. It was at that moment that I knew this was a divine appointment, as the girl and I connected and bonded over both having siblings with autism. I can’t remember much else of what was said, as I let God give me the words to say. Yet, what I can tell you is that at the end of the conversation in tears saying she needed to hear what we told her and that she was ready to give her heart to Christ. How can anyone not believe in God’s power when we he used me, a young college girl, and a few other young college kids to lead someone to Christ? I know without a doubt that was God’s doing.
The rest of the trip I saw God work in miraculous ways through everyone. It was this trip that I learned the importance of spending time daily with Jesus and God by reading the Word and praying/ listening to God’s gentle yet strong voice. As I began spending daily time reading God’s Word, my faith grew. I experienced peace like no other and joy that made my heart continually full. I was content. My contentment slowly disappeared throughout the remainder of my college years, but I will explain more on that in a bit. It’s not that God’s peace left me, it’s just that I had something physically challenging that peace. During the trip when we all sang praise in worship songs in that big room I could feel the Holy Spirit very much! I had chills and felt a peace that surpassed anything else. I met a few good friends on the trip and was ready to keep growing in my relationship with Christ when I got back to college...and God still had more blessings to come the second I got back to Athens. My dorm was closed until the following day because it was technically still spring break. So I was allowed to stay in an extra room in the Athletes in Action house, which was another Christian organization. I didn’t know anyone in the house, so I kept to myself until I could return to my dorm. However, one of the girls I met on the trip mentioned me to a few of the ladies in the house, one of them being Sarah! I was staying in the room next to my soon to be best friend and I didn’t even know it yet haha. The craziest part? One of my friends who wasn’t saved yet had a class where she sat next to Sarah and for some reason my other friend mentioned me while she and Sarah were working on a group class assignment. My friend bragged on me haha, so Sarah wanted to meet me. When we met, I knew we would become really good friends. I always know the minute I meet someone if they are going to be a big part of my life!
Sarah was so cool and funny and we had a ton in common. The next two months we hung out almost everyday and I spent the night in that spare room nearly every night. One of my spring roommates hated me and refused to talk to me, while the other brought over guys to spend the night. I had nothing against the other one, it’s just that after being sexually assaulted more than once in my life, I did not trust any males being around me in the same room while I slept. God has always provided a way to get out of bad situations and it was a big blessing to have been led to the AIA house and Sarah. I miss those days dearly! We would have girly sleepovers all the time talking about guys, life, memories, and just girl chat. We did each others nails, did prank calls, watched movies and ate papa john's pizza all the time. We would swipe her into the dining halls sometimes, and she would buy us dinner sometimes. I knew the first few times we hung out that we would become best friends. You see, I always get a special feeling when I know someone is going to be a special part of my life and I definitely felt that when I met Sarah. She was my first college friend that I felt I could trust with anything and was there for me no matter what.
Our friendship developed more throughout the remainder of the years in college. My sophomore year/ her junior year we both had really bad relationships and breakups. She and her high school sweetheart broke up at the beginning of the year and my college ex boyfriend broke up with me the beginning of spring semester. Both breakups were really hard on us. She envisioned a future with her ex and I thought that it was a possibility with mine, until what happened after we broke up. She began dating someone new about a month after my breakup and it was then that we both realized there were some red flags. When I met her new boyfriend, I noticed that he seemed rather controlling and verbally abusive. I also began noticing that the dynamic I had going with my ex wasn’t healthy either. He would play mental games and ignore me for a week or two. If I contacted him first I was “psychotic” but he could contact me whenever he got bored. He kept saying we needed to talk, but would start arguments. One time he talked to me as if I were a pile of dog poo on the ground and went on an anger rage. Afterward he expected me to just act as if nothing happened. That is when I decided I had enough. Sarah would tell me not to text him or she would take my phone. I did the same for her because her boyfriend at the time became highly abusive and I was afraid it would escalate. We both needed strength to break away and were there for each other. We looked out for each other, listened to each other, did fun things to take our mind off of things, and reminded each other of our worth in Christ. Eventually we got strong enough to never look back. We trusted God with our love lives and he didn’t fail us. Now we have Godly husbands that have patched up all of the previous hurt. It almost seems unreal that we ever went through what we did, but I am glad we went through it together. It is one of the things that makes our friendship extra special. We’ve seen each other at both our best and worst, and love each other through it all. Friends who go through a lot together stay friends for life!
Honestly, there is no way I could think that God didn’t put us in each others life for a reason. I don’t know if we would have made it through the abuse without each other. I don’t know how I would have survived my second year of college without such a good friend. It was definitely a blessing from God. God will lead us to the people who we are meant to befriend. Some only last a season, and some last a lifetime. Sarah and I have a lot in common and even though she used to hate dogs, she now has one of her own that she loves haha. I always told her she would grow to love them, and I was RIGHT hahahahaha. Speaking of best friends, my friend Brandy that I met freshman year as another friend who has always cared deeply about me and loved me no matter what. After PCB, Brandy and I would eat at the dining hall with a few other friends we met on the trip. Her calm, chill demeanor has always put me at peace, and she is great with words of affirmation, which is my love language. She knows how to make me feel great and she is such a gentle, kind soul. She would regularly check on me when I was at my worst, and does to this day. I know I can always count on her and that she is yet another friend for life!
A few weeks before my junior year God put it on my heart to apply for a part-time campus job as a way to earn a little bit of extra income and to get some more work experience. I applied for both a librarian assistant position and a lifeguard position. I was denied the lifeguard position because I didn’t have any experience, but I was offered an interview for the library job. I was excited and very nervous. The entire ride from Columbus to Athens with my dad I had butterflies in my stomach. As we got closer to Athens I prayed that I’d do okay for my interview and that helped ease my tummy a bit. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. It had been raining, but the rain stopped as soon as I got out of the car and approached the library. When I met my soon to be supervisor Andrew, I felt at ease. The butterflies disappeared as he asked me each question and I replied to the best of my abilities. One of his last questions was how I handled immediate stress. I gave him the following honest reply: “ As a home health aide I have had to think quick when a client is upset, drops to the ground, and begins to hit their head against the floor. I don’t have time to react emotionally, I just do what is best to keep the client safe.” His eyes grew wide at my response and he put a huge checkmark next to that question on his tablet. He then chuckled and said “If you can handle that, you can handle anything”. I was pretty sure I was going to get the job, but he was hard to read so I continued to play it cool. A week later I celebrated with my mom and a special lunch because I had received the email I was hoping for! I had my first job dealing with patrons and working alongside other coworkers and I couldn’t have been happier. I thought I was just going to have a nice job, but God laughed to himself in heaven with a smile on his face because he had the biggest blessing of my life in store a few weeks later.
My first day of work was the first day of classes. It was fun learning the ropes of the job. At the end of my shift I was shadowing another worker for a bit. As I got a feel for my new job I noticed all of the librarians talking to a nice young man who walked into the library. They all seemed to really like this young man, so I was intrigued and wanted to know more. I thought he was a bit attractive, but I was afraid of getting my hopes up. The young man walked up to me after talking to the librarians and asked what my name was. With a smile and a giggle, I told him my name and shook his hand. There was something special about him that I didn’t see in any other man I had ever encountered. He told me that my name was beautiful and we gazed into each others eyes for a few seconds. I then hurried off because I was ready to hit the swimming pool after a long day. The next few weeks I couldn't help but think about that man...so I prayed for God to lead me to the right man in his timing. Well, little did I know I had already met my future husband.
The second weekend of October I was scheduled to work on a Sunday evening for a few hours. When I looked at the schedule, I saw Robbie’s name. I knew I had to get to know him and now I had the perfect opportunity.
During our shift Robbie began talking to me by sharing how much he loved the strawberry and banana SoBe drink. It then turned into us talking about our interests, and I felt very comfortable, which was rare for me when it came to new guys. I felt as if the Holy Spirit was telling me this guy was a great guy, so I was a bit flirty, dropping a few not so subtle hints all while twirling some of my curls around my finger. By the end of our shift we were helping each other out and were talking about hanging out for him to help me with my Computer Science class. I left work with his phone number in my hand and he texted me that night. Soon we began going on dates and getting to know each other. I quickly learned that unlike my previous partners, Robbie respected my boundaries and dignity. He also showed me that he was really patient when I would get upset at not understanding my homework assignments. I was so frustrated because everything else came easily to me, but computer coding was so so hard. I felt dumb for the first time in my life and I would grow very impatient those many nights that he stayed up with me until 3 am helping me finally understand. We sat in the living room of the AIA house during those homework help sessions. He never once got upset when I yelled about how that didn’t make sense or how I complained and complained about the class. In the end, I passed the class with a C and I owe it all to Robbie. I got an A on my final because it finally made sense! My teacher was amazed. She wanted me to keep going, but I decided computer science was not minor for me. In reality, I don’t even know why I wanted to sign up for that class other than it was part of God’s sovereign plan. Robbie’s major was computer science and he is the most computer savvy person I know. Me taking that class was a way for us to get to know each other slowly. We officially became a couple when he gave me a beautiful pendant necklace as a gift when he asked me to be his girlfriend. <3.
As we got to know each other, I mentioned my faith in Jesus a quite a bit and how God always made everything fall into place in my life. I shared how I knew at a young age that God was the supreme creator of the universe and how we as sinners needed to accept the gift his son gave to us. I learned that Robbie knew about Jesus and believed in him, but did not realize that in order to be saved, one must accept Jesus as their personal Lord and savior. Whenever I mentioned the Lord, he was enthuzed. A few times he told me that he could see how the Lord lavished favor on me and how he wanted that too. At the same time, there was many questions he had, understandably. It can be hard to believe in God when we see so many bad things happen in the world around us. Robbie and I began going to Cru’s weekly 180 meeting and I convinced him to go on the spring break mission trip with me to Panama City Beach Florida. The second night of the trip I noticed a change in Robbie’s demeanor. He said that God had revealed the truth in him and that he was ready to follow Jesus with all of his heart. He seemed the calmest I had ever seen him and he was so excited to praise the Lord and witness to others.
My heart leaped for joy when I saw him belt out the praise and worship songs during the big meetings.
I even was blessed to see God use him to lead another person to Christ just a few days after being saved himself. He witnessed to an atheist, and he was able to understand the atheist's viewpoint because at one point he considered himself an atheist when his dad died at 15. Robbie told them other young man how he turned to everything else in life and was never satisfied. He shared how accepting Christ gave him a joy he had never experienced before and he was a new being. The man was amazed at what he saw and wanted to get to know Jesus too! From the day of his salvation through now, I have seen God at work in Robbie and I’s life. There was a lot of anger and hurt from the past that Robbie previously held onto. Once he was saved, he had hope. He no longer wanted to turn to sinful past habits. He no longer felt bitter toward God. He had found the freedom he was desperately in search of! I never knew that God would use me to help lead my future husband to Christ, but he did. Everyday Robbie is grateful that he found the ultimate Truth. God had all of this planned out before we were even created. He knew that Robbie would become a born again Christian and inherit the kingdom of God. God desires that for each and every one of us. He loves us all more than anything in the universe. He is Lord of all.
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people.
1 Timothy 2: 1-6 NIV
The summer before senior year God put in on my heart to ask my dad if I could have a dog stay at my parents place for a few months with me(those of you who know me already know the tragic story of how my best friend of over 10 years and her sister killed the first dog i adopted a week after bringing her home halfway through my junior year. I also explain the entire story in another blog post if you’d like to read more on it) because I really longed for one of my own. To my surprise, my dad said that was a lovely idea and that he was on board with it. At first I found a puppy on ebay classifieds that was a Dachshund Yorkie mix. However, after realizing it was a scam, God led me to the perfect puppy that I would name Luke Bryan. Luke’s foster mom was a bobcat alumna and was so excited that he would be going to college with me. The moment I saw Luke, I knew he was meant for me. He bit my hands(playfully) while I talked to his foster mom and he also brought me a bone(which i soon learned was his favorite thing). When I signed the adoption forms he followed me to the kitchen and wouldn’t leave my side. Two weeks later after I got back from a mini road trip, I took him home. The first few weeks were stressful, but I knew it would get easier. Soon I was filled with a special joy every moment I spent with him.
At the end of August he was going to come to college with me for my last undergrad year and he was going to live in my first apartment with me. Two weeks before we moved in, my roomie Shannon(different one than the freshman year one) and I received an email on who our two random roommates would be. I emailed them eager to share that I had a puppy and I got an email back saying from one girl saying that she couldn’t stand dogs and was allergic, and how i would need to leave him w my parents or give him up. I already got the okay to have Luke live with me from the apartment manager, so I had the leasing office switch our apartment. The only other apartment they had open was one with a girl named Kristin Reed. I was nervous sending her an email about Luke, but was quickly relieved to find that she loved dogs. You see, God had a plan all along to have me life with Kristin. I had no idea that one of my roommates was going to be one of my best friends. After emailing back and forth, we exchanged numbers and added each other on Facebook. Crazily enough, I found out she lived with my high school freshman year bestie Autumn the year before and that we both knew a girl we both had grown up around named Jenny. It was apparent at that moment that God had this all planned out long before we ever knew each other. It gets even better, keep reading ;).
The first few weeks of senior year were awesome! Kristin and I got to know each other and began hanging out outside of our apartment, and our other random roommate Bri loved Luke. Luke barked loudly the first week that I left him alone in my bedroom, but he eventually relaxed. I would play relaxmydog albums on my ipod touch and he would play with his toys until I came to play with him either in my lunch break or after work. I looked forward to taking walks together with Luke every evening and I felt as if something was complete in me. He was so happy and playful! He loved playing with Robbie. He did great on a roadtrip to our annual family reunion in Kentucky with my mom and I. I always had someone to lick my face and bring me joy after a ton of homework, a busy day at work, and busy extracurriculars. Luke had so much personality. He went insane over the laser and loved chewing bones on top of me haha. He loved going for hikes and walks. He’d play with any toy I gave him and liked to be chased. We shared so many adventures like the time all the power went out at night, or going to the homecoming parade together. Once He woke me up when I faced one of my biggest fears, a building fire. It was at 4 am and I heard his howling before I noticed the smoke alarms going off. All of my roomies chilled in Kyle’s car until the fire was put out. Thankfully it was two floors down and contained to the kitchen. I was never alone because I had Luke. Soon I realized that I needed him more than I ever knew. Writing this has almost got me in tears because it reminds me how much I miss him!
Nearly everyday Kristin and I spent time together. Whether it was getting champagne slushies and dinner at Broneys, playing board games, staying up late talking about life, or grocery shopping together. Kristin is so chill and easy going and I always felt as if I could be myself around her. One day in the fall she mentioned how she wanted a nice guy like my Robbie and I instantly knew who would be perfect for her, my friend Kyle. I arranged two game nights with all four of us and then they clicked. Shortly after they began dating and the best thing is that they got married last summer! It was such an honor that they included me in their vows. How awesome is it that God used me to help two friends find their soulmate which was each other!!! It was such a fun year because God had given me a new best friend, Luke, another great year with Robbie, the chance to be a bible study group event coordinator, fun classes, and another good year working at the library. I also grew close to several of my Bible study girls, two of which are now a best friends of mine. When we all went on the spring break PCB mission trip together, I was the room leader and all of my girls looked up to me. It was a very special privilege and honor. I enjoyed helping other girls grow closer to Christ.
However, despite all the good things going on in my life, there were a few times that I felt very inadequate and as if no one was happy with me. I attended a Bible study for leaders the day before the bible study i helped lead each week. There were a lot of nice girls in the Bible study, but I could also feel that “ I didn’t fit in”. The girls loved hanging out and talking among each other, but many seemed very annoyed by my presence. I wondered if something was wrong with me and if I were a failure. I thought that I had less worth than others I knew because surely if not many other Christians liked me, then God must not have liked me much either. I wondered if Jesus loved me less and if I were just a great big disappointment to him. There was a few times I felt as if I should disappear because I was too much of a burden to everyone. One night I decided to hangout by myself in one of the study rooms at my apartment and I took Luke with me. I read a passage of the Bible and tried hard to fight the feelings I was having. I thought about staying the night in there so that I could give my roommates a break from me and I also thought I would turn my phone off so that I wouldn’t pester any of my friends or my boyfriend. I thought some other bad thoughts, but they were interrupted by Luke licking me and demanding to be petted. After a few hours I decided I would quietly go back to my apartment and then lock myself in my room. Little did I know when I came back I found Kristin and Robbie in the living room with distraught looks on their faces. They ran to hug me and said they were worried that something had happened to me.
I felt awful for making them worry and I promised I wouldn’t do that again. It was also when I came to realization that something wasn’t quite right, but it took another year before I knew what. I also realized that Luke was a huge blessing because he kept me safe when I wasn’t thinking rationally. In the meantime despite being told bad things by some of the girls I knew in Cru, I began clinging to the truth that Jesus did in fact love me as much as anyone else and that he was pleased with my devotion to him and lost souls. Also despite being an outcast, there were two or three girls who did reach out to me with a genuine kindness, especially Kate Manella. Kate always believed in me and she said that she loved that I am open with my experiences and ready to help others. She complimented me on my personality, particularly my ability to be an extrovert while also being a deep intuitive thinker. She didn’t know at the time how much I needed to hear that, how much I needed to know someone cared. It’s so awesome how God always has a plan. The remainder of my year was blessed. God knows everything from beginning to end and I truly believe that he has provided blessings and special gifts throughout my life to help me through life’s ups and downs. Luke was one of those cherished gifts.
On the way home from Athens I sat in a rental car with Luke in my lap and my mom driving. It was packed to the max with all of my belongings from my apartment, so he had to sit on me. Once we arrived to Columbus we had to take a detour because of construction. There was one light were it turned green and my mom waited to turn for some reason. As she began to turn a car came flying going over 70 mph and was going to run the red light. It was coming so fast that all I could do was scream the name of Jesus and my mom braked. I pushed Luke onto the floor and prepared for a terrible impact. Suddenly I felt a force of wind and I looked up. The car had missed us by less than an inch. People were getting out of their cars because they expected us to be hurt. However, we were untouched...a miracle from God happened. He moved our car over to protect us because he still had plans for us! Had we gotten hit, Luke and I would have most likely died on impact and my mom could have too. It gives me chills when I think about it and I know it was God who spared us. What an awesome God we have! So so good to us.
The summer was filled with graduation and anticipation of getting into grad school for organizational communication. Around the fourth of July Robbie took me on a trip to Niagara Falls. I wondered if something special was going to happen during the trip, so I carefully watched him pack his bag (I had stayed at his place the night before because I was currently living with my parents for the summer). I saw him pack clothes, toiletries, swim trunks, snacks, sunglasses, and other necessities, but saw nothing that looked like a special box. I was convinced it was just a trip to celebrate me finishing my bachelors degree. Either way, I was thrilled to go on a special trip to a place I’ve always wanted to see. On the way I played a special CD I had made with some gospel songs and country songs. We really loved Shotgun Rider by Tim Mcgraw and listened to it so many times I lost count haha. As we got closer to the hotel I grew antsy because I was eager to ride the Maid of Mist and see the falls up close. We arrived on July 3rd in the early evening, and still had enough time to grab some pizza and check out the Journey Behind the Falls attraction. By that time it was dusk so we were able to see the falls light up close up. It was mesmerizing, and I felt blissful. It was one of the rare times that I felt in the moment and full of joy without anxiety trying to squash it. I couldn’t believe how beautiful the waterfalls were and marvelled at God’s beautiful masterpiece. I also was thrilled to be sharing such a fun experience with my best friend.
As we watched the falls, I longed for many more fun adventures together because when I am with Robbie, I was filled with a special joy and peace. I feel safe to be me, and I feel like we compliment each other well. I hoped he felt the same. As the sky grew dark Robbie asked one of the attraction employees when the fireworks were, and they said that the waterfall fireworks were the 3rd, and the Canada ones were the fourth. Suddenly Robbie grabbed my hand and we hurried to the perfect spot to watch the fireworks, while also getting a view of the falls. As the fireworks began, he began to share how much he cared about me, and how special I am to him. He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I couldn’t contain my excitement as I replied yes, while tears of joy streamed down my cheeks. People around us began clapping as we hugged, and I kid you not, when we looked up there was a beautiful pink heart firework that went off. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to get married. In that moment we already knew we wanted a summer wedding, so we quickly chose a date and began planning. I was so excited that I was going to call this lovely man who would give me the entire world if he could, my husband. God is so good to me! I don’t know what I did to deserve someone who loved me so much, but he answered my prayers when I prayed for a kind, funny, Godly husband. He answered every part of my prayer, even when it came to my favorite physical features. He gave me a redhead with stunning blue eyes <3. It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 years since that amazing road trip.
God blessed me not only with being engaged that summer, but also acceptance in the graduate program I wanted. Wedding planning was going great as I already had my venue secured, the date picked, and my wedding colors picked by the end of August. My mother in law gave me the knot wedding planner book as a gift and I will be forever grateful because it made planning a lot easier. In between planning the wedding, work, and classes I began to notice that I struggled to get out of bed some days and felt stressed when I tried to relax. It soon turned into constant anxious thoughts throughout the day. When one of my roommates had an accidental grease fire one weekend (which I wasn’t there for), I couldn’t stop worrying about fire. I was so scared Luke would die while I wasn’t at the apartment and that a fire would happen again. It consumed my thoughts constantly. On top of that, I had moments were my chest went numb, I felt as if something terrible was going to happen, and I couldn’t breathe. I had no idea what was wrong. One day my husband finally convinced me to talk to a doctor. I was so afraid to do it because if it was I thought it was, I knew that I would become an outcast.
You see, so many Christians believe that anxiety, depression, etc. are not real. They think it results from not trusting God enough. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest when I spoke to the special doctor about what was going on. I was sure she was going to tell me that I was insane and wasting her time. I almost decided I’d rather suffer silently than risk my reputation, but I bravely talked to the woman. I told her how Luke helped me so much and she mentioned that I should get a service dog to help with me. She told me that I had severe generalized anxiety disorder. I felt relieved that I wasn’t the only one who suffered from this, but I also felt terrified. How could I tell my friends, my family, other Christians I knew that I was damaged goods? How could I amount to anything if I had a condition that was considered a disability because per ADA definition my anxiety affected one or more major life activities such as: caring for oneself, performing manual tasks, seeing, hearing, eating, sleeping, walking, standing, lifting, bending, speaking, breathing, learning, reading, concentrating, thinking, communicating, and working. Of this list, I have highlighted the ones that impact me. Each day is different and some days are way better than others, but everyday even today I still have at least one of these affected. Thankfully for much shorter periods of time and less frequently. It isn’t easy sharing such a personal part of my life, but I believe that God wants to use me to encourage others who deal with similar things. He wants everyone to know that he is still God and will help us through whatever struggles we have.
My husband fully supported me all of the way as I bravely confided in my close friends and family, my roommates, and a small ladies Bible study group. To my astonishment, my friends said they still loved me and that my anxiety doesn't define me. My mom was understanding, my dad said I could be healed of it and began praying daily for that. I also made the wild decision to owner train Luke to be my service dog and he did amazingly well. He got to the point were he was fully task trained and public trained. Together we went to classes, the library, work, the mall, some restaurants. He helped me regain my independence because when anxiety was taking over, I would have panic attacks going places by myself. Luke was always ready to assist me until the moment he passed away a few months ago. I had to retire him as a service dog this past fall because we found out he had a terminal illness. The crazy thing is he hid it for so long just to keep me healthy. I am forever grateful for him and miss him everyday. It took a long time to get where I am at today. I still struggle with anxiety everyday, but I have found a combination of treatments that help. I also found out I have more than anxiety, including an endocrine disease, and a disorder. I will tell more on that later. God helped me finish my first year of grad school by providing help and using Luke to be a lifesaver. I remember one night praying and I heard his still small voice tell me that Luke would be the perfect service dog for me. God didn’t lie, as he never does. Luke was so intune with me that he eventually began migraine alerting 15 mins before I got migraines that nearly caused me to faint.
Several months passed and soon our special day had arrived. Our wedding day was the best day of our life. It was perfect in every way, despite a new outlet mall opening near my venue, which caused a delay. I thought for sure I would be anxious the day of and didn’t want to have any panic attacks, yet I think that was one of the few days I had nearly no anxiety. It felt surreal, seeing the DJ set up and looking at my wedding cake. My bridesmaids and I stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn at polaris the night before and wore the pajamas I got them as part of their bridesmaid gifts. We swam and played cards against humanity, and my sister in law joined in too. The day of the wedding we got ready together at the venue and I felt so blessed to be surrounded my best friends. Each of them have made my life better and brighter. My bridesmaids were Sarah, Brandy, Brittany, Kristin, and my sister in law Jaime. Sarah, as you know from above, has been there for me thick and thin. She is always honest and upfront, which I appreciate. She also is hilarious. She did my makeup for me on my wedding day and she did a stunning job <3. Kristin is my friend who is always ready to kick some @%& for me and is always a great listening ear. She and I love to kick back and enjoy a drink and some games with our hubbies.
Brandy is the chillest, easy going person I’ve ever met. She has a special gentleness about her and she will always check in to make sure I’m doing ok. I’ve never seen her mad or even annoyed at anyone. Brandy too is a great listener and she is has always made me feel safe and at ease. We both love to giggle a lot and try our best to make everyone smile. Brittany Taylor is a sweet girl I met from the Bible study I helped lead senior year of undergrad at Ohio U. Brittany is also a gentle easy going soul with just the right amount of sass too haha. She loves Jesus with all of her heart and loves her close friends too. Brittany knows how to love me perfectly as she says the kindest things about me when I think I am worthless. She knows my language of love is words of affirmation and she is always encouraging when I need it. I have a few friends from high school that are also best friends of mine and they also are amazing. I couldn’t be more blessed with the great, loyal, friends I’ve been gifted with. Though I had only met Jaime the day before our wedding, I knew upon meeting her that she was the sister I had always wanted. Jaime is beautiful, confident, radiant, a role model for me. I am excited to get to call her my sister now! Katie, Destiny, and Vikki were also at my wedding and are some of my high school besties. Each of them too have made my life richer, fuller. Without them, I don’t know how I would have survived high school. Just my friends alone are a testimony of God’s love and grace. He answered my prayer when I wanted friends who would love me for me and stick with me for life and he answered it abundantly. Some friends have come and gone, some have hurt me badly..but these friends are the gems everyone wishes they had.
The wedding ceremony was amazing. It was truly a dream come true, getting to gaze into the love of my life’s eyes and know that God placed us together. I was blissful the entire time and during the first dance I couldn’t help but smile and giggle. Robbie is my soulmate, he is literally the perfect person for me, my other half. I learned to pray as a little girl for my future Godly husband and God answered that prayer. He answered every part of it and more. I wanted a man that loved Jesus and was gentle. I wanted someone who would love me for all of me and someone who was funny. I wanted someone who valued education and someone who I could have deep conversations with. I wanted someone with blue eyes and red hair, because I just love that look. I wanted someone who loved animals like I did. Robbie is all of that and more. He understands me well because he has depression, and I have anxiety and depression. When one of us is feeling down, the other is able to lift us up. It has been a journey these past two years of marriage, but I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else for the ride.
Our honeymoon at Disney World felt like a dream; walking around with bride and groom Disney ears and being told congrats every two seconds. It was also great to get to know each other in a special way and to learn life together as one flesh. Walking into our first apartment together was blissful. It was one heck of a beat up apartment, but we made it ours. Our landlord Angie was so sweet and also knew the Lord, so I would enjoy conversations with her. We also had some really nice neighbors and Luke made friends with a few dogs, with Turner being his favorite. Everything was perfect, except one thing. A month or so before we got married the library had made cuts to jobs and Robbie’s was one of the ones to go because he was the last one hired on as a full-time librarian assistant(different from the other job we both shared). For two months or so it was really hard. I had to balance working two different part-time jobs because jobs were hard to find in Athens. I had to completely trust God even when it was really hard to do. At first I was upset. I thought maybe God was punishing us for something. I also had a few weeks when I could barely get out of bed and I didn’t know why. All of my friends were at their hometowns for the summer, so that was a complete change too. One night before bed I suddenly saw black zig zags everywhere I looked. I was terrified. Robbie researched it and we found out it was an aura. Within a half an hour I had the worst headache of my life. That was the start of my chronic migraines. Some of them would last 5 days straight. I had to be ripped off of the pill i was taking because it increased stroke chances for migraine patients and my family history of stroke...yeah not a good risk to take. Oh it hurt so bad not taking those pills. I didn’t know what was going on, but eventually we would find the answer to that. Despite all of that that, God held onto us. In September he blessed my husband with a job at Jimmy Johns to make ends meet and getting back into school was a nice change of pace. Even when we were struggling at first, we felt a joy that was hard to explain. That joy and peace was Jesus reminding us that he had a perfect plan and to trust in him. God never left us and he had big plans to come. We never had any issues paying bills and there was always food on the table. God keeps his promise that he will provide for his children.
The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry, but he thwarts the craving of the wicked. Proverbs 10:3 NIV
The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Psalm 34:10 NIV
Fast forward a few months I had the heartbreaking news that my dad couldn’t get off of the couch. Robbie drove me to Columbus with Luke before having to work a night shift at Jimmy Johns. The next day he had a stroke at the ER. It was his second one as he had one when I was around 12 years old. The doctors could not stabilize his blood pressure for a week fews weeks and he almost died more than once. My mom watched him lose consciousness and almost die. I don’t know how she did it. My dad would need therapy for a few months and my mom stayed home from work for two months. It was apparent that we needed to move to Columbus so that I could watch my sister full time so that my mom could eventually get back to work. It looked impossible because finding subletters that late in the semester was nearly impossible. Yet we prayed and God was faithful. We found a subletter and was moved out and into a new townhome(brand new) in Columbus within the next two weeks. You can’t tell me that wasn’t God working! There were other people in my complex looking for subletters for months and yet we found one so fast! It was hard telling my library family goodbye, but they all wished us well. Robbie was able to transfer to a Columbus Jimmy Johns location. My dad began to heal and in a few months he was back at home. God was on the move again!
A few weeks before Christmas we welcomed a sweet white Pomeranian we named Leia into our home and she was such a joy! Our first Christmas together was a lot of fun and Robbie gave me another diamond ring that matched the other two. All three fit together to make a special ring! We stayed at a hotel when we visited my mother in law and both dogs did well. A few months later spring had arrived, but it greeted us with awful news. Robbie was in car accident where his car was totaled. We didn’t know what we were going to do. All we could do was cling unto the Lord and that is when he began to show that when we are weak he is strong. He provided a way for us to buy our first car together, a nice Nissan Rogue. He also helped us with a few other obstacles. I was going to hangout with an old friend with the dogs when a vision came to my mind of Luke and I being crushed and killed in a car accident. I thought it was just anxiety so I prayed about it. However, it kept coming up and I didn’t feel anxious at all. I knew then it was God warning me about something. I told my friend, but she didn’t believe it would be true. Sure enough the day we were supposed to hangout she got in a really bad car accident where her entire passenger side was crushed. The driver side was mostly fine. She was okay thankfully, but she had a collapsed lung. I was mesmerized. Had I not listened to him, I would be dead right now. Let that sink in for a second… this was just the beginning of ways God would reveal himself to me. My friend completely healed too, by the way.
Come June, we were about to celebrate our first anniversary. A week before our anniversary cruise we got the awesome news that Robbie got an IT job he had applied for. A year later God had finally answered our prayer!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Hallelujah! Praise be to God! That news made our first cruise that much more awesome. Our cruise took us to the Bahamas and it was so amazing seeing the clear water and white sand. Having 24/7 entertainment and 24/7 free food was so cool! I got to experience my dream of swimming with dolphins and can finally say i’ve been to another country. The next few months we got neighbors on both sides of us and they both had puppies. It was so much fun getting to know them and seeing Luke play with their pups. Many blessings continued to come our way last year between late spring and the summer. During a fast that my entire church partook in, I heard God speak scripture to me and he revealed that he had more than one spiritual gift he had given me. He told me he would provide our needs and that he had big plans for my husband and I. He also gave me insight and wisdom as to why he allowed the car accident to happen and why he waited to give Robbie his ideal job. He spoke to me by bringing scripture to my mind and by calling me his beloved child. Even when I saw myself as less than, the least gifted human being alive, He reassured me that he loved me and cherished me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
It was so cool because I had never experienced God speaking to me several times daily before that point. It happened a few weeks after Robbie and I got baptized to declare our faith to the entire church.
One of the biggest blessings was meeting another best friend of mine and older sister in Christ. I am so excited to tell you the story of how God led me to my dear friend Angela! I met Angela through a women’s Christian blogging group on Facebook, which had over 10,000 members. There was a woman in the group who was saying that she didn’t believe the Bible was the word of God and that she didn’t believe that Jesus had the same power as God. I knew what she was saying wasn’t biblical, so I gently tried to explain to her why that was wrong. Angela helped back me up by proving scripture for each thing that I said. Eventually we realized it was a lost cause as this woman began saying outrageous things about Jesus. The next day Angela posted one of her blogs in another Christian blogging group we were a part of and this man was being really mean. I couldn’t help but tell him to back off because I could feel that Angela was a lovely woman of Christ and didn’t deserve that treatment. I messaged her a bit later to ask if she was okay and then that’s when we began to get to know each other. She was surprised that I was only in my early 20s because she said I had a lot of wisdom. Those words felt amazing, as I am used to being criticized by people. I knew I had the gift of discernment, but it never crossed my mind that me… a young crazy dog girl… would ever be wise. I enjoyed our short chat and hoped we would get another chance to talk again soon. The day before Mother’s Day, I wished her a happy mother’s day and asked if she was celebrating with her mom. She said no and explained how she hadn’t talked to her mother in years because her mom was abusive. She also mentioned the word narcissist, and how her mother was one. As she explained what a narc was, I instantly realized that I had more than one of those in my life(not my mom, BTW. My mom is the furthest thing from a narc :) ). I felt compelled to learn more…. And as I learned more I soon came to the realization that I needed to make some major changes in my life so that the narcissists in it no longer had control.
A few weeks later we talked on the phone together and shared our experiences with narcissism and also got to know each other better. Throughout that entire phone call I felt very loved and I also felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. We talked each other’s ears off and didn’t get off the phone until close to midnight. When we said our goodbyes, she said “love you” and I couldn’t remember the last time someone told me that, aside from my parents and my husband. That phone call was the first of many and the start of a beautiful friendship. Angela was there for me when my anxiety and depression got really hard and when I was afraid to cut some people out of my life that were toxic. She prayed over me and my husband that God would protect us from anyone seeking to harm us and that we would grow closer to each other and to God. She has never made me feel ashamed for any past mistakes or mental health issues. In fact, the more I’ve gotten to know her, the more I see that she and I have a ton in common. She has dealt with the same mental health things I face, we both have chronic migraines too. It is as if she were truly meant to be my older sister, the one I had always longed for. Angela is so wise and so loving and such a great mother to her twin sons and her young daughter. She is very encouraging, inspiring, and fun. I wish I could talk to her every single day! But I know we each have responsibilities, so I cherish the time we have together. It has been such a blessing to have a mentor to help me through different situations.
This past June I was blessed with the opportunity to meet her face to face the day before my hubby and I’s second anniversary! I was so excited and nervous as we got closer to Virginia on our road trip. When she said that her husband had made the dinner reservations I got butterflies in my tummy...the ones you get when you know something awesome is about to happen but you don’t know how to contain it. When we got to the hotel I eagerly awaited their arrival. When they knocked on the door I carefully opened it and gave her a huge hug! I then showed her daughter Mikki and MaeMae and her daughter Abby was thrilled. Abby loves doggies like me, so I was happy to see her smile. After playing with the dogs some we headed to the restaurant called “Not Your Average Joes.” Walking in we smelt delicious pizza and steak. The restaurant was very allergy friendly, which was nice too. We shared a lot of mouth watering appetizers and talked about everything under the sun. I felt very blissful and at peace. I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence again throughout the dinner. Robbie enjoyed talking with everyone too. They were all such loving Godly people. It’s not often that you find a family that is very close knit and also has a relationship with Jesus. This family was very special indeed. It was amazing getting to see my friend face to face and enjoy a dinner with her family. They paid for our dinner as an anniversary gift and we were grateful. We laughed together, talked each other’s ears off, and enjoyed fellowship together. I was sad when we had to go, but I was also grateful for the wonderful friend and sister I had gained. I cannot wait to see them again sometime soon hopefully <3.
It wasn’t chance that I met Angela. Out of 10,000 people in a group, we could have easily never crossed paths. Had God not had a divine appointment, we would have never met. My life would probably still be under the abuse and influence of a few narcs and I would still long for an older sister. I never dreamed I’d meet such a great friend on the internet, but I did. God knew what he was doing and he has been so good to me. My friend Angela is proof that God has a plan for every aspect of our lives and when we yield to his will, he will bless us. As a matter of fact, He loves to give his children blessings.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 NIV
In the early fall I had a strong desire to try having a second dog again. At first I thought I was just obsessing with wanting another dog because of the big animal lover I am and wasn’t sure if it was something we should act on. I prayed that if it wasn’t the will of God, that he would remove this crazy hunger, must have desire, for another dog. I prayed it for over a month and the more I prayed, the more I knew we needed another dog. My husband prayed about this too and we both felt God wanted us to welcome another dog into our home. I had grown allergic to Odin, our second cat, and he had began marking again, so we knew he would have to be rehomed. Us finding a second dog was a lesson for me when it comes to patience. I wanted to get one as soon as possible and felt almost desperate to find the perfect dog. Robbie told me that patience is important for all decisions, yet he said he would be okay with whatever dog I wanted as long as it was a good natured one and got along with Luke. I almost made a mistake and ended up with a dog that would have caused us major problems, but thankfully God prevented my ambitious, driven self from jumping into something too fast. I finally surrendered and gave it to God and he showed up, in his perfect timing.
The first weekend of October we adopted Mae Mae, our black and tan long haired chihuahua during the Mingle with the Mutts adoption event at the Franklin County Adoption Event. On the way home Robbie and I knew she was perfect for us when she began to do her unique happy pant. She looked like a tiny version of Luke the way she is built and Luke liked her from the start. She was already house broken, so that was a breeze. She was very quiet, very laid back, and a bit timid of Luke at first. I laugh now because she soon would be rough housing with Luke as they grew inseparable best friends. Fast forward a few weeks we move into a cheaper apartment because rent was going to be nearly $1400 at the previous townhome. Everything seemed to be falling into place, at last. However, we had no idea of the two big storms heading our way. The more I look back on things the more I see that God made me have an unquenchable yearning, thirst for another dog because had we not gotten another dog, I don’t know how I would have handled the heartbreaking news regarding my uncle and my furboy Luke.
The end of fall was insanely hard. I was in so much physical pain and my mental health was at an all time low. I had my first suspicions that something was seriously wrong with Luke when he would sometimes act fearful of eating and I noted his pale-ish gums. I can remember crying and Robbie coming in the room, concerned because I am not one to cry often. I told him that I was scared Luke would die because he had some major red flags of kidney disease that were missed by the veterinarian. Robbie assured me that he was probably fine, but that suspicion never left me. I knew it had to be, but I hoped and prayed I was wrong. November came around and we found out I had something that I also suspected I had had, but kind of hoped it wasn’t true: PCOS (Poly Ovarian Cystic Syndrome/ Disease). Suddenly things made sense. The painful periods that I had always had, as well as some physical issues that came up eventually, and the strange(and heartbreaking) thing that happened three months into our marriage, all were linked to this disease. I was relieved to know I wasn’t crazy because a few people thought I was making things up for attention( which isn’t me at all. I HATE having attention drawn to me). At the same time, I was a bit sad because it confirmed what happened over a year before and because it meant I was at risk for Diabetes and heart disease. I also had a giant cyst that they thought they were going to have to remove my ovary to fix. Then a few weeks later I find out the day after thanksgiving would be the last day I saw my uncle Steve mostly healthy.
He was proud of all Robbie and I had accomplished so far in our marriage and we had such a great conversation that day, despite it being at the hospital. He said he would help me learn how to drive and he doted on me for being smart. He said Robbie and I were such a great couple and he couldn’t be happier. He wanted to get us a house warming gift for our new apartment and he wanted our family to do our old tradition of pizza at Tommy’s and the Columbus Zoo lights after. I had no idea he was about to die. I knew he had heart disease and I just knew he was such a fighter. Writing this is making me sad some because I miss him so much. We lost him two weeks later. The day after his funeral Luke grew severely ill. Somehow in just a few days he lost three pounds and wouldn’t eat. He peed himself more than once and cried out in pain. I was so nervous at the vet, I was trying my best not to have a panic attack. When the vet came back in he had tears in his eyes. My dog that was just about to turn four was dying of kidney disease. I couldn’t handle it. I bawled for days. I had lost my supposed to be first dog to cruel abuse and now I would be losing Luke. He was my service dog and he made sure I got up on days and times where I felt like I couldn’t take another step. He was there for me when I was finishing college and getting ready to be married. He was there for us both during some trials that happened right after marriage. I lost him in April and not a day goes by that I don’t long for him, in fact both him and my uncle.
For some, they may think how could God allow me to go through so much, or allow others to go through even worse things than I had experienced. However, I know that God works everything out for the good for those who love him. God did not leave my side during those hard months. Jesus held my hand and picked me up when I thought dying would be better than living another day in my reality.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV
The truth I cling onto is that any suffering we experience in this life dulls in comparison to the blessings that come during our eternal life with Jesus.
However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him-- 1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV
We all have to deal with the curse of sin since we as humans chose sin. Unfortunately the world will be remain broken until Jesus returns. As a result we all will be touched by the brokenness and hurt in some way. God didn’t desire this for us and he sent his son Jesus to fix what had been broken. All it takes is asking Jesus to be our Lord and Savior and asking forgives of our sins. After that God will do the rest and he will come through. He also always has blessings at the end of the storm for those who trust in him. Jesus did not leave me stranded in the storm. He brought me through those hard months and he brought some blessings even in the midst of them. He did not leave me without a service dog who was intune with me the way Luke was. He sent my Pomeranian puppy Milky Way who is healthy, sweet, and perfect for service dog work. He even went as far as providing me another pet dog, a sweet red long haired dachshund with one brown and one blue eye, about a month ago. She is protective of me just like Luke was and she stays by my side during migraines like he did. God is so good! I’ll never know why I had to lose my uncle or Luke, but I rest assured we will be reunited. My desire is for anyone reading this to consider accepting Christ into your heart if you haven’t already. I promise, it is worth it. I promise your life will be better. My husband was an atheist when I met him and now he is born again in Christ. God desires all to be saved and he loves us unconditionally. He is perfect and without sin which is why we go to hell without accepting the gift Jesus gave to us. Jesus died so that we could be forgiven. He paid the cost for those who believe. Friends reading this, know I love you so much! I pray you give your heart to Jesus. I promise you, it will be the best decision you’ve ever made.
A few months after we lost Luke we felt called to begin looking for a home of our own. I don’t know what made us decide that now is the perfect time for our own home other than God put it on our hearts. It has been a long time coming with this home process. At first I couldn’t find a lender who would work with our student loans. Then we found a lender who had a son that was a fellow OU bobcat and he wanted to do whatever he could to help fellow bobcats out. He thought he had the perfect solution to our loan situation, only to have the underwriter deny it. It seemed as though we weren’t going to get a home and I prepared to deal with the rent increase. A prior lender said we wouldn’t be able to get a home of our own for at least 10 years...so I thought that perhaps our desire to have a home was just us wanting something that God didn’t have for us. I was ready to give up, but my realtor kept encouraging me. I cried a lot because of the stress and I am not a crier, so it was a bit of a doozy.
Day and night I desperately searched for a home that would fit our tight budget...to avail. It was then that I finally surrendered the house hunting process over to God and let him take the reigns. I will admit that I have the tendency to go after what I want because I am ambitious and goal oriented. I believe that if I don’t act, I will miss a great opportunity...and while God does want us to be ambitious, he wants us to trust his will and timing. God took me to a breaking point where all I could do was humble myself and trust him. So my husband and I began praying every night and Robbie was given the opportunity to work overtime because several co-workers quit. His overtime boosted us to the right range for a home or condo we wanted. Our realtor was so patient with us the whole time and she helped us find the perfect place. Something else fell through with the bobcat lender so she sent us to another lender she works with and he has been able to work with us. Now we are finally about to close on our first home next week. I really believe it will be because God is sovereign and he keeps every promise. He keeps telling me to trust him and when I do he works in BIG ways. We had lost out many places to cash offers and I learned that we almost lost again to a cash buyer. However, she told our story and the seller wanted us to get the home. It is in a great location, has everything we want, and is a great price. It saves us money over renting and it is ours. It’s been a long time coming but God had the perfect plan, we just had to trust him.
Throughout this entire process God has also opened my eyes to the fact that my mission field is everywhere I go and that he has people he has placed in my path who need the love of Jesus and to learn about him. I feel honored that God has trusted me to touch the lives of a few special people and I believe that they will have bright futures knowing how much He loves them. God also works in mysterious ways! So the bobcat lender we were originally going to go through recommended our realtor to us because he said she was really good at what she did and he thought our personalities would mesh. If we would have went through another lender from the start, we never would have met Leigh. Leigh is such a special, strong, beautiful, confident woman. She knows what she wants and she works hard to make sure her clients have the best home hunting experience. She has told me that the moment she met me she felt my warm personality, but what she didn’t know was that I felt that she was a special person the moment I met her. I have the uncanny ability to know whether or not someone is going to be a special part of my life the moment I meet them. I felt this way the first day we met our realtor and she has made house hunting fun. I never dreamed I would gain a good friend while finding our dream home, yet here we are :). It’s just, there is a connection there, like one I have found in each of my best friends. I really hope we keep in touch after closing and that we become good friends.
Also, during this time of house hunting I got a new neighbor next to me named Karen. Karen is such a beautiful, gentle soul. I love how much she loves everyone and how excited she is to play with my dogs. She helps me walk the dogs several times a week and each time we have gotten to know each other more! I feel like she is the aunt I’ve always longed for. Even when we move into our new home, we will stay in touch as she says she would love to watch the dogs whenever I need it and she would love to visit them :)
One other thing I forgot to mention is that we got another dog and named her Marina/Mimi. Mimi is a long haired red dachshund with one brown eye and one blue eye. She is very mellow and loving, and she is my shadow just like Mikki is. She will lay by my side when I am having a migraine and she is very protective of me if a stranger gets near us at night. She is so gentle with her little sisters and she is the cuddle buddy I’ve missed (Mikki likes to be held but not so much cuddle). She is such a blessing to us and I love each of the my three fur girls a ton!
That’s my testimony for now. I can’t wait to see what God has for Robbie and I throughout the next few months and years. I hope that he has more missions for me and that I can be a blessing to everyone I encounter. This world needs the love of Jesus and I am willing and happy to a vessel. I hope that my testimony has revealed Jesus’ love for us humans and encourages you to consider giving your life to Christ if you haven’t already. You don’t have to do anything to change yourself, if you feel unworthy. All it takes it recognizing that you are a sinner(as we all are apart from Christ) and that you want Jesus to be you savior. Once you ask Jesus into your heart, you will be blessed. You will find purpose, something that EVERY human desperately seeks. You will realize your worth! God will heal you. You will be amazed at what an amazing God we serve is and best of all… You will have salvation that cannot be lost. You will get to spend eternity with God, Jesus, and other saints. Heaven is perfect and forever, this life is only temporary. I love everyone reading this and I look forward to gaining more brothers and sisters in Christ <3.
