Hello everyone I hope all is well. Sorry it has been a minute since I’ve last blogged. A lot has been going on in my life, some good and some not so good. I will touch on more of that in a minute, but first I want to mention that I am very thankful to be in the place I am spiritually and mentally now compared to the place I was in this time last year. Sometimes I wonder how much I have grown, but recently I have been put to the test several times and I can see that I have grown both spiritually in my walk with Christ and overall with my self confidence and mental health, which I owe God the glory. If some of what I have been going through happened a year ago, I am not sure if I could have made it. I am not sure if I would have had the strength to endure. I already lost some friendships last summer just for standing up for what is right and for making sure everyone is loved and treated fairly. But now I have discovered that my chronic health conditions…. the seizures, chronic migraines, kidney pain, myoclonic jerks, panic attacks, depression, anxiety….everything except the PCOS may be symptoms of a bigger disease. A few weeks ago I tested ANA positive, which are antinuclear bodies found in the blood of someone who has an autoimmune disease. Very rarely, it is a false positive. However, chances are the positive result is accurate because I have other symptoms that point to autoimmune disease as well as family members with three different autoimmune conditions. My mother has Rheumatoid Arthritis and Sjogren's, and a cousin on my dad’s side of the family that I never got to meet when she was living, had Lupus. I wouldn’t have even suspected autoimmune disease if it weren’t for me getting Shingles at the end of April and an urgent care doctor urging me to get tested because he was concerned there was something else going on beneath the surface.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 ESV
God works in mysterious ways because while Shingles was quite painful, and made it hard to lift my entire left arm and move my left leg even (and it was on my upper left chest!), this led to me getting help that I didn’t even know I needed. For the last year I have been having burning sensations occasionally that would hurt and sting so badly I would take Benadryl thinking it was an allergic reaction. But as time went on the pain has gotten worse and now I realize it is nerve and muscle pain. It literally feels like I am being shocked over and over again with an electrical outlet when the pain begins and no over the counter regular painkiller can touch it. It makes my muscles move uncontrollably and I feel like I am on fire. In desperation I get an ice pack and peppermint essential oil and slather it on with Aloe Vera or lotion. Otherwise, I can’t do anything until the pain passes. I also get a red rash all over my body especially if I go out in the sun and my skin is inflamed most days. If you press on it even very lightly you can see how inflamed it is. It is hot to the touch. It wasn’t always this bad. Four years ago I would get shocking sensations here and there and didn’t know what it was. My skin would only be red after a shower or bath. Sometimes walking is painful because my hip gets sharp pain. When walking the dogs the other day I had to keep stopping every two minutes or less because my hip bone was hurting so bad. This is new to me because I have always been able to walk. Later that evening the pain grew to the rest of my body where my arms, legs, fingers, neck, everything felt like I ran a marathon. The myoclonic muscle spasms make the pain worse too because it feels like itching mixed with painful fire. I am so thankful I am seeing the rheumatologist in early July so that I can finally get closer to treatment and getting my life back. Some days I have had to not work not even because of migraines but because of the body pain. I want anyone reading this with chronic pain to know you aren’t alone and that I care about you. You are a warrior and don’t let anyone tell you anywise. My regular doctor told me Shingles young doesn’t mean serious illness but when I described my other symptoms she ran tests and that’s when she knew I needed to see a specialist.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
I am going to be honest, I am a bit scared. Before I went to my regular doctor to get tested for autoimmune disease, someone on twitter who happened to notice my tweets about me being sick and all the conditions I have, commented and said she has everything I have and in the end she was diagnosed with Lupus. A good friend of mine who has Sjogren's believes I have Lupus based on everything I have mentioned (which is much more than what I just described above, the pain is one small fraction of it). When I look up autoimmune diseases Lupus is the one that most matches several phenomenons I have. Such as when I have had non epileptic seizures. I just have to be patient right now and trust God with my health and my future and I know I can do that. So I am going to be brave because God is good and because I want to encourage you all who are going through similar things that God is bigger and he works all things out for your good. I know my God is a good God. There have been some moments where I have been very Depressed the last few months, but I have reminded myself of how God kept me alive last Summer and how he has come through each and every time. I had a “friend” tell me that she would k*ll herself if she had Shingles when I told her I had that. Instead of dwelling on that bad advice or cruelty, like I may have a year or two ago, I realized not everyone has compassion and understanding. So I just let it go and continued on. Despite this not so good news, there has been some good things going on in my life because God always blesses me and he never leaves me empty handed. Before I continue on to the good news, I want to share something my pastor Todd said today because it relates perfectly to what I am going through (and you too if you are going through something similar or another trial). We have been going through a series of how God chose unqualified people in the old testament to fulfill His will and how God is always faithful and keeps the promises He made to each individual, including us. Today we focused on Joseph and his unwavering commitment to God. It is easy for us to follow God when life goes our way. But how many of us will continue to follow Jesus when life gets hard, very hard. We need to stay loyal to God because he is good and he is always working everything out for our good. Nothing happens to us by accident and the more we live our live focused on him and surrendered to Him, the more we will realize everything will be okay. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and later imprisoned because of a lie that he raped someone when he didn’t. Yet despite this God still blessed Joseph and all ended well. If God will honor Joseph’s faithfulness, He will honor ours too.
“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7-7 ESV
Onto some happy things to share :) First, I finally got to see my bestie Kristin and her husband Kyle for my 28th birthday this past April! Robbie and I took a road trip along with all four dogs and it was great. It had been two years since I had seen my friends because Covid had hit the last time I was going to see them; Kristin lives in another state but we’ve been bffs since senior year of college when we were roommates. The first day Robbie and I took the dogs to the beach. Mikki and Mae Mae remembered the sand from when they went to the beach three years ago, and it was Coco and Petra’s first time at the beach and seeing the ocean. This time Mikki did not dig as much but Mae Mae was the one to get sand up her nose haha. As for Petra and Coco, they loved walking along the beach as did all six of us. Petra and Coco also enjoyed barking at the seagulls even though mommy told them no. Being at the beach is always so relaxing to me but it’s so much more than that. I can’t explain the sensation I get at the beach but I feel a unique emotion and feeling when I am there. I feel like I am at the happiest place in the world and that there is nowhere else I would rather be, especially when I am there with my loved ones. One of these days we may just move closer to the beach if that is God’s plan of course. If it isn’t, I see many vacations to the beach and even mini vacays because it is just the best place ever. I have always loved swimming all my life and the pool is my second favorite place but the beach is a whole other level because it’s much more than swimming. It is the sound of the seagulls, waves, and children giggling. It is the salty air and the cool breeze going through your hair while the waves simultaneously touch your toes unexpectedly tickling you. It’s the feeling of being free, safe, loved. I definitely see God’s craftsmanship in the ocean and the sand.
The next few days we spent with my friends and their dog Colbi, as well as our dogs. I was surprised that out of my dogs Coco was the one who wanted to be around Colbi and had a crush on him, yes our 8 year old Pomeranian we adopted almost a year ago. It was funny my usually well behaved Mikki would bark if I petted Colbi so I had to make her behave. She settled down after a few corrections but I don’t think I ever saw her be so jealous. It was nice catching up with my friends and enjoying each others presence. As always by the end of the trip, we were sad to go because time always flies when you are having a good time. Kristin is a true ride or die as they say. She always has my back along with Sarah. I have a few good friends but none truer than those two. They would do anything for me and I would do the same for them. After learning some truths about friendships and what really goes into one, I am glad I do have some who also return the love. It is a two way street. Many times I have felt that I needed to please people or earn their favor to be their friend. But that isn’t how healthy friendships are formed. I don’t really know why I have fallen into that pattern at times because I make friends naturally, but I think sometimes I tend to view some people are better than me because of my past with trauma and abuse. But I have learned to stop that. Last year I may have dwelled on the hurt or considered that I was not worthy of friends because this one friend recently decided she no longer wants to be my friend "without an explanation". However I know my worth comes from Christ and not a person, last year I fell into a bit of an old habit of people pleasing. I will not beg anyone who doesn’t want to be my friend to spend time with me. I believe that is not what God would want either. He brings the right people into our lives who love us for us. I know many people I have gotten to know recently who have had issues with one sided friendships or with being hurt. Here is my good news to you. You will find people who love you for you and who value you as much as you value them. Don’t ever degrade yourself for someone who doesn’t respect you. You pray for people like that but it is okay to part ways with people who do not respect you or who lie to you. Also you will continue making friends all of your life, and I also believe some of the friends you make will last a lifetime. So don’t lose hope if you haven't found your besties yet. You may have not met them yet. Or you may have only met a few. As for me, I have met a few already and have met some more recently :)
Like I’ve mentioned before, I meet people in the least expected places. Well my four newest good friends are all from Twitter and all are because of a show we all watch together. We all are the same age range and we have all voice chatted before using Twitter spaces and other means. Yes we spend a great deal of time talking about the shows we enjoy, but we talk about life and other things too. We have gotten to know each other other the last 6 to 8 months and have realized we have a lot in common, as well as some cool differences that I am excited to have in friends. My friend Devona lives a state away and she has two Biracial young toddlers and a white husband and is a great story writer. She has a great sense of humor and she reminds me a lot of my cousin Jada. My friend Tish is from Seychelles, Africa, and is African, French, and Chinese, and is a student currently. She loves swimming like I do and to just have a good time chatting. Both of my girls have given me a lot of support during this crazy journey recently of finding out all these crazy health things. And I show them lots of love back. We can spend hours talking. Then in our group we have Alan and Jay. Alan is from Africa and is a laid back guy who loves the soaps because he was raised around all women and appreciates the genre and Jay is just a goofball. Both are like brothers I always wish I had. We support each other whenever one is struggling and we share in each others successes. And we are always being silly. I can talk to them about Jesus too which is nice. I have gotten to talk to many people on Twitter, but these are the ones I have talked to the most and have gotten to know the most. I just wanted to share how cool it is that you can make friends anywhere and how God will use any situation. I haven’t been able to go as many places as I used to because of Covid and because my job isn’t one that comes into contact with a lot of people. But I am blessed that God has still made a way for me to go out and meet new people virtually, as well as share the gospel too.
No matter what you’re facing, whether it is health problems like me, friendship problems or you just don’t have any good friends (like a few people I have spoken with have mentioned), or whatever the trial may be I want you to know that God has a plan and a purpose for each and every one of us. He is not done with us and when it looks too bad don’t give up because there is always hope. He will bring us to better and we will become stronger in the end and closer to him. Trials and tribulations though tough, are what build character and help us grow in Christ. No trial last forever and soon it will pass. There is always something to look forward to. There is so much life left to live. So much left to explore. Don’t let a few people make you think you’ve met every person and that there aren’t friends for you. Go meet some more. Work toward your goals and dreams, just make sure you put them before the Lord. If you aren’t already a believer all you have to do is ask Jesus to be your Lord and savior right now and ask him to forgive you of your sins. If you do this and mean it in your heart, you have just become a child of Christ and you my friend have a bright future. In a few days my husband and I are going on our 5th wedding anniversary trip and we are excited! I am sore today but instead of focusing on my physical pain, I will think about the fun that lies ahead. God bless you all <3
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." John 16:33 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
I am going to be honest, I am a bit scared. Before I went to my regular doctor to get tested for autoimmune disease, someone on twitter who happened to notice my tweets about me being sick and all the conditions I have, commented and said she has everything I have and in the end she was diagnosed with Lupus. A good friend of mine who has Sjogren's believes I have Lupus based on everything I have mentioned (which is much more than what I just described above, the pain is one small fraction of it). When I look up autoimmune diseases Lupus is the one that most matches several phenomenons I have. Such as when I have had non epileptic seizures. I just have to be patient right now and trust God with my health and my future and I know I can do that. So I am going to be brave because God is good and because I want to encourage you all who are going through similar things that God is bigger and he works all things out for your good. I know my God is a good God. There have been some moments where I have been very Depressed the last few months, but I have reminded myself of how God kept me alive last Summer and how he has come through each and every time. I had a “friend” tell me that she would k*ll herself if she had Shingles when I told her I had that. Instead of dwelling on that bad advice or cruelty, like I may have a year or two ago, I realized not everyone has compassion and understanding. So I just let it go and continued on. Despite this not so good news, there has been some good things going on in my life because God always blesses me and he never leaves me empty handed. Before I continue on to the good news, I want to share something my pastor Todd said today because it relates perfectly to what I am going through (and you too if you are going through something similar or another trial). We have been going through a series of how God chose unqualified people in the old testament to fulfill His will and how God is always faithful and keeps the promises He made to each individual, including us. Today we focused on Joseph and his unwavering commitment to God. It is easy for us to follow God when life goes our way. But how many of us will continue to follow Jesus when life gets hard, very hard. We need to stay loyal to God because he is good and he is always working everything out for our good. Nothing happens to us by accident and the more we live our live focused on him and surrendered to Him, the more we will realize everything will be okay. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and later imprisoned because of a lie that he raped someone when he didn’t. Yet despite this God still blessed Joseph and all ended well. If God will honor Joseph’s faithfulness, He will honor ours too.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7-7 ESV
Onto some happy things to share :) First, I finally got to see my bestie Kristin and her husband Kyle for my 28th birthday this past April! Robbie and I took a road trip along with all four dogs and it was great. It had been two years since I had seen my friends because Covid had hit the last time I was going to see them; Kristin lives in another state but we’ve been bffs since senior year of college when we were roommates. The first day Robbie and I took the dogs to the beach. Mikki and Mae Mae remembered the sand from when they went to the beach three years ago, and it was Coco and Petra’s first time at the beach and seeing the ocean. This time Mikki did not dig as much but Mae Mae was the one to get sand up her nose haha. As for Petra and Coco, they loved walking along the beach as did all six of us. Petra and Coco also enjoyed barking at the seagulls even though mommy told them no. Being at the beach is always so relaxing to me but it’s so much more than that. I can’t explain the sensation I get at the beach but I feel a unique emotion and feeling when I am there. I feel like I am at the happiest place in the world and that there is nowhere else I would rather be, especially when I am there with my loved ones. One of these days we may just move closer to the beach if that is God’s plan of course. If it isn’t, I see many vacations to the beach and even mini vacays because it is just the best place ever. I have always loved swimming all my life and the pool is my second favorite place but the beach is a whole other level because it’s much more than swimming. It is the sound of the seagulls, waves, and children giggling. It is the salty air and the cool breeze going through your hair while the waves simultaneously touch your toes unexpectedly tickling you. It’s the feeling of being free, safe, loved. I definitely see God’s craftsmanship in the ocean and the sand.
The next few days we spent with my friends and their dog Colbi, as well as our dogs. I was surprised that out of my dogs Coco was the one who wanted to be around Colbi and had a crush on him, yes our 8 year old Pomeranian we adopted almost a year ago. It was funny my usually well behaved Mikki would bark if I petted Colbi so I had to make her behave. She settled down after a few corrections but I don’t think I ever saw her be so jealous. It was nice catching up with my friends and enjoying each others presence. As always by the end of the trip, we were sad to go because time always flies when you are having a good time. Kristin is a true ride or die as they say. She always has my back along with Sarah. I have a few good friends but none truer than those two. They would do anything for me and I would do the same for them. After learning some truths about friendships and what really goes into one, I am glad I do have some who also return the love. It is a two way street. Many times I have felt that I needed to please people or earn their favor to be their friend. But that isn’t how healthy friendships are formed. I don’t really know why I have fallen into that pattern at times because I make friends naturally, but I think sometimes I tend to view some people are better than me because of my past with trauma and abuse. But I have learned to stop that. Last year I may have dwelled on the hurt or considered that I was not worthy of friends because this one friend recently decided she no longer wants to be my friend "without an explanation". However I know my worth comes from Christ and not a person, last year I fell into a bit of an old habit of people pleasing. I will not beg anyone who doesn’t want to be my friend to spend time with me. I believe that is not what God would want either. He brings the right people into our lives who love us for us. I know many people I have gotten to know recently who have had issues with one sided friendships or with being hurt. Here is my good news to you. You will find people who love you for you and who value you as much as you value them. Don’t ever degrade yourself for someone who doesn’t respect you. You pray for people like that but it is okay to part ways with people who do not respect you or who lie to you. Also you will continue making friends all of your life, and I also believe some of the friends you make will last a lifetime. So don’t lose hope if you haven't found your besties yet. You may have not met them yet. Or you may have only met a few. As for me, I have met a few already and have met some more recently :)
Like I’ve mentioned before, I meet people in the least expected places. Well my four newest good friends are all from Twitter and all are because of a show we all watch together. We all are the same age range and we have all voice chatted before using Twitter spaces and other means. Yes we spend a great deal of time talking about the shows we enjoy, but we talk about life and other things too. We have gotten to know each other other the last 6 to 8 months and have realized we have a lot in common, as well as some cool differences that I am excited to have in friends. My friend Devona lives a state away and she has two Biracial young toddlers and a white husband and is a great story writer. She has a great sense of humor and she reminds me a lot of my cousin Jada. My friend Tish is from Seychelles, Africa, and is African, French, and Chinese, and is a student currently. She loves swimming like I do and to just have a good time chatting. Both of my girls have given me a lot of support during this crazy journey recently of finding out all these crazy health things. And I show them lots of love back. We can spend hours talking. Then in our group we have Alan and Jay. Alan is from Africa and is a laid back guy who loves the soaps because he was raised around all women and appreciates the genre and Jay is just a goofball. Both are like brothers I always wish I had. We support each other whenever one is struggling and we share in each others successes. And we are always being silly. I can talk to them about Jesus too which is nice. I have gotten to talk to many people on Twitter, but these are the ones I have talked to the most and have gotten to know the most. I just wanted to share how cool it is that you can make friends anywhere and how God will use any situation. I haven’t been able to go as many places as I used to because of Covid and because my job isn’t one that comes into contact with a lot of people. But I am blessed that God has still made a way for me to go out and meet new people virtually, as well as share the gospel too.
No matter what you’re facing, whether it is health problems like me, friendship problems or you just don’t have any good friends (like a few people I have spoken with have mentioned), or whatever the trial may be I want you to know that God has a plan and a purpose for each and every one of us. He is not done with us and when it looks too bad don’t give up because there is always hope. He will bring us to better and we will become stronger in the end and closer to him. Trials and tribulations though tough, are what build character and help us grow in Christ. No trial last forever and soon it will pass. There is always something to look forward to. There is so much life left to live. So much left to explore. Don’t let a few people make you think you’ve met every person and that there aren’t friends for you. Go meet some more. Work toward your goals and dreams, just make sure you put them before the Lord. If you aren’t already a believer all you have to do is ask Jesus to be your Lord and savior right now and ask him to forgive you of your sins. If you do this and mean it in your heart, you have just become a child of Christ and you my friend have a bright future. In a few days my husband and I are going on our 5th wedding anniversary trip and we are excited! I am sore today but instead of focusing on my physical pain, I will think about the fun that lies ahead. God bless you all <3
