Am I really loved?

It’s a warm rainy spring day. You wake up to the sound of birds chirping and your cat (or dogs) cuddling next to you and your husband or wife laying next to you. They tell you they love you and how much they mean to you and you smile and tell them you love them too. The work day is a bit stressful and you deal with a few mean people, some who talk down to you and belittle you. At the end of the day you text your best friends and ask them how they are doing. You text a bit and then the conversation ends with them reminding you how much you mean to them. You laugh and shake your head because despite what they tell you, deep down you don’t believe them. Does this sound like you? If so, keep reading. And let me let you in on a secret. The person I described above is a lot like me. It wasn’t until recently that I even considered that I may be getting in the way of letting others love me, including Jesus. I read an article written by Charles Stanley, a revered pastor I listened to with my dad growing up, today on how sometimes we don’t allow God’s love in. I thought no way I can’t be like this because I know Jesus loves me, but the more I read, the more I realized I do in fact stumble with this a lot; not just with letting God love me, but letting anyone else close to me love me too. It’s as if I put a shield up and refuse to believe that anyone loves me. I know I am not alone in this and it can make you feel isolated, so my hope is today I can help you start a journey to accepting love.

Why do I struggle with believing that others really love me? Well it’s a complex issue in my case and I am sure it is the same with you. Part of it is the spirit of rejection I have mentioned in a previous blog. No matter how much I pray against it, it seems to follow me everywhere I go. I experience a lot of people not liking me, people thinking I am strange, people thinking I am a burden. For example, random strangers will say things about how they don’t like my hair or they will tell me to stay away from them even when I wasn’t planning on bothering them. It shows up in friendships that ended up not being real, where I was really just befriended as a means for the other person to gossip behind my back and bring me down. It has manifested in “friends” telling me that every single decision I make is wrong. That nothing I do is right and that I need to give up on my dreams. People who tell me that I am wrong for liking the season I like (Summer), liking the breed of dogs I like, for liking the type of music I like. It shows up when a doctor won’t even let me see them for something abnormal with my physical health and they get frustrated with me on the phone. It shows up when I am a greeter on Sunday morning at church and someone hugs everyone but me...making up an excuse that they don’t hug people at all, even though I just watched them hug several people. It has shown up when I wanted to be a Bible study leader because I had a heart for the freshman college students, but I was told I wasn’t good enough to be one, despite my peers being told told they would make great leaders. It has shown up in an ex who stalked me and wanted me dead. And it shows up with me being a reject in society since I have chronic illnesses. The spirit of rejection convinces me a lot of times that I am worthless, unwanted, and I often begin to take it to heart, and assume that if many people feel that way about me, then all must. I am sure some of you have felt the same and I am so so sorry because it is not a fun experience. The thing is, despite the rejection you face, it doesn’t define you. It may feel like it does, but I promise it doesn’t. You are not what others think of you. God does see you differently.

Another thing that personally holds me back is shame and guilt. I am ashamed that I have epilepsy and chronic migraines because it means I am less than others (at least that is how I see myself). If I struggle with a sin, I must be an awful Christian and thus I feel ashamed and must hide away. I sometimes feel shame for just existing. I feel like I should be doing more with my life and I feel shame when I don’t measure up. Whenever I do mess up, even after I ask for forgiveness, I find myself still feeling guilt. And because of that, I want to punish myself. So I remind myself that I am a mess and then I begin to think does God really even love me at all? I mean how could he love me? I’m just a mess up who never gets it right and I burden everyone I come into contact with, so surely I burden God too. So then I want to avoid everyone that I am a burden too, and sometimes I think God is happier if I avoid him too, because surely he has more important creations to spend his time with. I know for a fact I am not the only one who struggles with this because I have spoke with many who have felt this way, which is why I like to be an open book even though it puts me in a really vulnerable place. Oh and let me tell you these thoughts we have, they are lies. They are the lies from Satan himself and they are a way to steal our joy, which comes from God’s love (And the love of others in our lives).

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV

The devil wants to harm us and bring us down. He is evil and his goal is to either bring people to hell with him, or for the believer, make their life as miserable as possible. If he can get us to believe lies, then we may miss some of the great things God has planned for us. Anything we struggle with, we don’t struggle with alone. You are not alone and what you feel is valid. We live in a broken world due to sin and sadly as a result we will struggle with our worth. Many believers will hide their struggles because they want to appear like they have it all together. The problem with this is it leads us to believe there is something wrong with us and that we are to suffer alone in silence. I strive to stop that, as I believe the best way to beat the adversary is together in unity. If you ever are struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out to me or someone else you trust. We are meant to help each other out and we need to each other.

So how do we combat the struggle of not believing we are loved? Well first we pray and we ask God to help us understand and feel how he really thinks of us. We also spend time in the Bible, reading verses about God’s truth so that we can replace the false, negative thoughts with truth. We also confide in someone we trust and ask them to pray for us to be a listening ear. It is a journey and it may take years to eventually overcome this struggle. But we have to start somewhere and today is the day. Ask God to reveal how he really sees you and lean on not your own understanding, but what his Word says about you. I know I am far from being to the end of my journey, but I am thankful I am closer to where I need to be than I was yesterday. We need to begin allowing God and others to love us. Instead of pushing them away, we need to tell ourselves that what they say is true. That we are worthy of love because Jesus loved us so much came into this world to die for our sins. If we accept his free gift, we can rest assured that everything he promises the believer will come true. God doesn’t lie. If we learn to accept love than we can experience the joy and peace he desires for us, and we can let him take the reigns in our life. We can live in freedom knowing that he will take care of us. When we allow love in we can enjoy relationships the way God intended and we can live life to the fullest. I pray that if you haven’t already that you would accept Jesus into your heart as your Lord and Savior, and that you ask God to help you see yourself as he sees you. You are so loved. God bless you my friend and Happy Valentine’s day. God is the ultimate valentine <3.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them . There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:16,18 NIV

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NIV

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15 NIV

Wonderfully Made

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https://traveldogloverangel.blogspot.com/  Enjoy!!!

This week was a rough one, one of the hardest I’ve had in a long time. I had a migraine for nearly five days straight, some rough seizures, and my PCOS hormone imbalances are causing everything to flare up. I am thankful for flexible jobs because I don’t know what I would do without them, honestly. Three days in a row at home sick because I couldn’t be out of bed longer than a few mins. It has gotten pretty boring, but despite the pain and grief, I thank God for each new day because there are blessings in my life even when trials arise. My dogs keep me from being alone, and their 24/7 affection feels like Jesus is giving me a hug himself. My Mikki is so on top of her alerts that she makes sure I am safe if another seizure is about to come. And my husband, parents, and friends have been truly supportive. Having chronic disabilities and illnesses makes me sometimes question was it worth even going to college. Will I ever get to use my Master’s degree for what I intended to? Will I ever get better? Will my life always be dictated by being chronically sick? Will everyone I adore eventually give up on me? Sometimes my outlook is bleak, but believe it or not there is still some good that has come out of dealing with my chronic illnesses, and other unique aspects of me. I want to share those today as well as encourage you that each of you has something special about you that is needed in this world, and that will bless God. So wherever you are in life, whether it’s struggling with sickness, excelling at your career, a new mother, struggling with poverty, etc. you have something special that only you can add to this world given to you by God <3.


One of the good things that actually comes from having seizures is that sometimes I am the most creative after them. I am not sure if it is because of the surge of electricity going through my brain, or part of a complex partial seizure, but sometimes I get some of the best ideas after. I often get ideas on good topics to blog about, new games to play with the dogs, creative date ideas, the desire to do art, etc. I have always been a creative person, but the occasional spark in creativity is a benefit if there is any to be had from epilepsy. Sometimes a person I haven’t talked to in a while pops into my mind and I pray for them because I believe God let them come into my mind for a reason. Other times it is after a seizure that I have a different angle to a problem that seemed impossible to solve. Sometimes I get euphoria instead of deep sorrow after seizures and that feeling of relief and joy is much desired. Don’t get me wrong, seizures are terrible, but it is nice to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


Another way having a chronic illness still has its blessings is that I have more time to think about what God wants me to share with you all, and it allows me to give hope to a group of people who feel isolated and alone. A lot of people with conditions like me are isolated from family, friends, and even the Church. Oh yes, I am sometimes afraid to tell other Christians that I have chronic illnesses because they have assumed it is my fault and blamed me for them. They have told me that I have them because I don’t have enough faith in Jesus or because of sin in my life I haven’t let go of. Sin I am not even aware of. They don’t understand that when they pray over me and I still have epilepsy and chronic migraines, it is not because God didn’t hear him or that he can’t heal it. God can choose who he heals and who he allows to go through something and regardless of whether I am healed or not I will follow him because he is a good God. Pain and illness in the world is a result of sin and one day it will be fixed. So no matter what, I won’t be sick forever. Even if I am sick until I pass on to eternity, I know in Heaven I will be sick no more. And I want to share my hope with anyone and everyone, especially those who feel hopeless. Because, Jesus desires all turn to him and be saved. Jesus loves all. God so loved the entire world that he gave his son for us. Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. If we ask Jesus into our heart, we have hope for now and forevermore.


For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 NIV


Aside from chronic illnesses, my brain is wired differently than others. I can hear sounds wayy louder than the average person, I can smell things as good as a dog, and I am sensitive to every external stimuli. While this can be overwhelming sometimes and lead to anxiety and extreme sensory overload, it has its benefits too. I have prevented a house fire a few years ago because I smelt burning on the small Christmas tree we had before anyone else did. No one smelt it, they almost thought I was crazy, until they saw the scorched leaves. It also helped me warn my parents that their hot water tank was going out a few weeks before it actually went out. I could smell the burning from the running sink water all the way across the room. I can feel music and see it. Some songs are so much more than just songs to me. It goes beyond smell and hearing too. I can feel how people feel toward me, regardless of what they say. I can feel if someone hates me, or is someone genuinely cares. When I am around someone who actually cares about me, I can deeply feel their love. It’s hard to explain, but it is an overwhelming sensation that for a split second I almost feel like I am going to either faint or float out of my body. Then I feel a sense of peace that stays with me a few days after. Likewise, if someone is angry I unfortunately absorb it and feel stressed. If someone is sad I feel their sorrow as if it were my own. Sometimes it leads me to want to do whatever I can to take it away, even if it means harming myself for their benefit. So in a way, this has also hurt me at times when I haven’t had good boundaries and some have taken advantage of me. But, I have learned the value of boundaries and that has helped a ton.

I feel deep empathy and love for those I care about, deeper than I can describe. I just feel things deeply. I was always called highly sensitive, but I actually have a condition that explains it. It is not a mental illness or a chronic illness, just a way my brain is uniquely wired. I was diagnosed a few years ago and my entire life finally made sense to me. Because I can feel so deeply I am able to develop deep relationships. I also desire to get to know people on a deeper level and strive to be a blessing in their life. When God puts someone in my life that needs me, I will do anything to make sure they know they are valued and loved. Which leads me back to the main topic this post was supposed to be about. God gives each of us talents and gifts, as well as spiritual gifts given by the Holy Spirit once we are saved. So he gives natural talents and supernatural gifts. For some, natural talents may be the ability to sing beautifully, or play a sport nearly flawlessly. For others it may be the talent of playing an instrument, leading, being good at mathematics, engineering, acting, etc. For some the talents are very obvious from the outside looking in. For other ones, it takes getting to know a person a little bit better. However, just because your talent may not be as obvious as Idina Menzel aka Elsa’s voice, it doesn’t mean it isn’t special and needed. God made you for a purpose and for this current lifetime. He knew what he planned for you long before you existed. Being a strong mother is a talent that not everyone has, and is very precious and needed for your children. Writing, creativity, desiring to serve others above yourself, these are talents that are valuable. The person who can drive a bus is just as important as a pastor. The person who teaches young children is important. The person who can handle the general public and the stress that comes with it, is important and of utmost value. We all have things about us that make us unique beyond our talents too. Our likes and dislikes, our laugh, our hair, our hobbies, they all make you “you” and you are cared about so deeply, by God and others who are around you. I promise you, you mean more to others than what you even know.

Along with natural talents, for those who accept Christ, we are given Spiritual gifts by the Holy Spirit which are meant to edify our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I will eventually dedicate a post more in depth regarding things, but for now I wanted to touch on them because they add to what makes us unique and wonderful.


There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines. 1 Corinthians 12: 4-11 NIV

Some of us are given the gift of wisdom, in which God provides wisdom into a situation or circumstance that is above what we would know on our own. Others, like myself, are given the spiritual gift of discernment, which is the ability to discern whether something is of God, secular, or demonic. Some can lay hands on the sick and God will heal the person that they laid hands on. Each spiritual gift is just as important as the next and they are part of what makes each of us unique too. Again there is a lot more to touch on here, but that will have to be a post within itself.

How we may assume God is going to use us and our life may be completely different than what he actually ends up doing. Our paths are all going to look different because he has a different will for each of us. However, we all will unfortunately be affected by this broken world and by sin and we all fall short of his Glory. The good news is that by asking Jesus to be our savior and cleanse us, we no longer are destined to hell. We no longer have to live life in a constant state of uncertainty because we will have God guiding us and he only desires good for us. Knowing that God is in control of our destiny and has good for us allows us to have peace. It also allows us to be content with whatever path God has for us and to trust that the struggles won’t be forever. Even if some last our entire earthly lifetime, there will be a day when they are no more once Jesus returns and restores the earth. Evil will be gone and only joy will exist! What a day! We don’t have to wait around sad until that day comes. Instead we can enjoy how God has uniquely made us and worship him every day, giving thanks that he created you just the way you are. You are wonderfully made by him. All of you are precious. You may not look like everyone else, you may experience things others don't, you may not fit what society calls "normal" but what you may think is not amazing about you may just be one of her best assets. Don’t forget your worth, ever.

To see all of my blog posts check out this link here: https://traveldogloverangel.blogspot.com/ Enjoy!!!


For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14 NIV