About a month and a half ago, I hurt my middle finger while at work. I could not bend it at all for several days, and it made doing the most mundane tasks difficult. Luckily, it was only a sprain, but it was still badly torn to the point that I had to wear a splint for several weeks. I can remember feeling deeply saddened over the fact that I couldn’t use my left hand much, the day after the incident. I wasn’t just sad about the pain, I was upset at my body for getting hurt. I felt as though this injury was getting in the way of me helping others, and doing my job effectively, so I began to feel worthless. I began having thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, and how awful it was that I was disappointing people by not being able to do things as fast I was able to with a normal finger. That Friday night I didn’t want to do anything but lie down in bed, thinking about how awful this situation was, because it limited my ability to do things for others. It was that night and the days to follow that I began to see that was working on fixing more than a sprained finger; He was working on fixing my people pleasing heart.
About four or five days after my injury, God showed me that the reason I was so upset about my finger was because I was upset about not pleasing those around me, and he was right(He always is). I have always been a people pleaser all of my life, but it didn’t really occur to me how detrimental this can be. You see, God loves it when we help others, but not when we put people pleasing above pleasing God. I have a hard time dealing with upsetting those I care about, but sometimes God may ask me to do something that not everyone agrees with, and I have to be okay with that. I assumed that by pleasing others I was making God happy, but I can look back on my life and see many times where that has led to sin because I enabled bad behaviors, or indulged in a sin just to make someone else happy.
Another aspect with people pleasing that has harmed me and my walk with God at times is how I view myself. I try to live my life very in tune to the Holy Spirit, seeking it for guidance on every decision I make. I am human, so there are a few times where I fail to do this, but for the most part it’s how I live my life as a Christ follower. It seems that when I am seeking God the most and living my life for Him, I have a few people in my life who are extremely critical of me. There are some people in my life who try to make me second guess every decision I make, and they even go as far as calling me things such as “stupid” or “too young”. There are some who say spread untrue slander and rumors about me, and dismiss everything about me. They accuse me of lying about my mental health for attention, or they simply say that I am not qualified to be used by God. I know I shouldn’t let these type of people influence me, but if I’m being honest they have influenced how I’ve thought about myself, and at times have made me take a step back from seeking God’s big plan for my life. I believed the mean things they told me and began to internalize it over the years. I began seeing myself as inferior to others, and began believing that God really couldn’t use a “failure” like me. Some of these individuals are people that I could cut out of my life, such as an emotionally abusive ex, while others are relatives that I cannot get away from.
This past month and a half has had it’s own trials outside of a hurt finger. My husband and I had our car totalled, and I had a family member that has been hanging on to life due to a medical condition. I’ve also had a someone specifically attacking me every chance they get, trying to hurt my feelings and my marriage, even though I have never done anything to them. However, through these trials God has been calling me to cling to him and to give up wanting to please others so much. He has revealed to me through his Spirit that he does have big plans for me, plans to prosper me and for a bright future. (Jeremiah 29:11.)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV).
He has blessed my husband and I with the chance to get our own car together and he continues to pour out blessings. He also has revealed a few spiritual gifts that I weren’t aware that I had. He continually reminds me that His opinion of me alone matters, and through this I am finally beginning to see myself surrender the people pleaser in me. I wish I could say that I am completely immune to the people pleasing trap, but I can say that I am on the right path and that I am one step closer than I was yesterday. I will keep running the race and one day people’s opinions of me will not cause self-harm thoughts. I also know that with God and Jesus on my side, their opinions will not stop his plan to use me for His glory. God has also recently brought some people in my life who edify me and point out the good they see. I’ve had some believing friends not too long ago share that they could see God using the gifts of wisdom and discernment in me. My pastor told a week ago when I got baptized that God revealed to him that I have been gifted with a gentle spirit, and that many will want to attack me for it, but to remain gentle and not stoop to their levels. He assured me that I had a personality that contained the fruits of God’s Spirit, and that I will be blessed. I am thankful God has put people in my life to remind me that I am more than Satan's lies.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV)
I hope that through my experiences with people pleasing you can find hope that God can help you too if you struggle with it. God has more for you than what others think of you, and the only opinion that matters is His. If you struggle with Depression or Anxiety disorder and ever want to talk, I’m here. I have both. God’s goodness and love is what keeps me going. If you’ve never accepted Christ as you personal Savior, you can accept him now as you are. Simply ask him to come into your heart and ask him to forgive you for all of your sins. Then ask him to guide your life and be your personal savior, and he will bring healing in your life too. God bless my friends <3
