Maybe that longing is for a reason

Maybe……..... there is a reason I still desire a best friend, even in the midst of having several close friends. I know I have talked about this before and how I have considered that I am simply not meant to have that special bond with someone. But maybe I was wrong? Maybe a part of the reason I don’t have a “best friend” is rooted in some things deeper than all of my “bffs” having their own #1 best friend. Maybe one or two of my close friends also doesn’t have a top bestie, but most do. I think a huge reason as to why I don’t have a #1 bestie is because of fear, which unfortunately seems to be my stronghold in life. My mind always likes to go to the worse scenario, even though I am quite the idealist. For example, because of having lost more than one pet young and suddenly, I am afraid that all of my dogs will die tragic deaths. It plays over and over in my mind and it’s hard to push the intrusive thoughts out. I try my best to shower my dogs with as much affection as I can each day just in case it’s my last moment with them. After Robbie’s job had two workplace fires a week apart recently, I worry that I will lose him to fire too. Fear is awful and I wish there was more awareness on how it is hard to get rid of. hmmm….

Ok back on topic, when it comes to friends, I always worry that I am one step away from pushing them all away from me. One step away from being too broken for them. One step away from being easily forgotten. Part of this I know is rooted in some experiences I have had, such as toxic former friendships and betrayed trust. Years of being told I wasn’t good enough, that I was dumb, fat, ugly, etc. So I guess it kind of became natural for me to assume that was what everyone thought of me. Just like my fear of fire and death goes back to an incident that occurred when I was only 2 years old. It’s apparent to me that in order to overcome my fears, I am going to have to constantly give them over to Christ. I thought once or twice would do it, but maybe it needs to be a daily thing for me. It is something I am going to work on and I would love your prayers too if you don’t mind. So it’s obvious my close friends that I have now actually like me because they go out of their way to encourage me, give me gifts, and they are relationships where both parties edify the other, showing love and selflessness. It is wonderful and I am still getting used to the concept. So, I am not afraid of being myself around these friends because they all already know me pretty well, even some of my deepest secrets and struggles, and yet they still like me. Who would have thought? Really cool huh?! As I know it is the same for you, your close friends adore you and all of you.

So where does the fear factor in then? Well it shows itself in making new friendships. I am quite comfortable with the friendships I have now had for several years because they are well rooted and nurtured. But new friendships are terrifying. Remember the person I wanted to get to know better but the feeling wasn’t mutual? Well I feel that a lot. I do experience a lot of rejection from others, even Christians, when I simply say hi to them or try to be friendly. And I mean in places where building friendships should be safe, such as at Church. A month ago I was volunteering as a greeter at my church and I was having a great time until someone refused to hug me or shake my hand. She made an excuse, but proceeded to kindly greet everyone else around me. That hurt, more than I would like to admit, and it reaffirmed my belief that I shouldn’t try and reach out/ make new friendships because I will be wasting my time or just end up hurt. I know this isn’t the way to live, in fear of the what ifs… but I also know all of you experience this fear in some capacity. It is why anxiety, loneliness, and suicide are on the rise in our society. We swap out meaningful relationships for supernatural ones. And perhaps after you reach a certain age, you don’t really need new friends. Who knows? It’s just, I am a person who is always willing to get to know someone new. I want to experience the whole body of the church and everyone’s stories and experiences are precious to me. I value communion.

The friendship of Johnathan and David in the Bible has always stuck out to me. They have such a close, special friendship. A friendship like any of their others, and it is one that glorifies God. They care deeply for each other and want to see the other succeed in their walk with Christ. Maybe, that type of friendship is still possible today? Maybe my longing for a #1 best friend isn’t so silly after all. Maybe, it is what we are meant to have all along? I know my heart is full after talking to and/or spending time with any of my besties, so how much more would be if I had one where we were each others #1? Or maybe my longing is rooted in the need for relationship outside of just family and marriage, and with busy schedules it is so hard to keep up with close friends (and believe me I am guilty of not keeping in touch). But I really think if we are supposed to have friends that sharpen us, edify us, and keep us accountable, than maybe it isn’t such a far reach to want one friend that is your specific go to. I definitely always want to have the close friends I currently have and I am blessed to have them. But I think you get what I mean. Maybe we all are meant to have a special friend that we are committed to and go out of our way to talk to more and check up on more. Maybe this one friend holds us accountable and helps keep us in line and vice versa. Maybe this one friend shares  a special connection with us and together as a duo they help each grow closer to Christ. They help each other have happy marriages and motherhood by being the main shoulder to cry on.

Upon doing some research earlier, it appears that many Christians desire deeper intimacy (and I’m not talking sexual here) in their friendships, but they feel they don’t have the time for it. Or they fear it won’t work. It seems fear seems to harass people other than me, unfortunately. But on the bright side, I think this longing for deeper relationships we have can be a sort of revival. After all, God calls us to care deeply for our spiritual brothers and sisters. Maybe the special friendships we have with them can be what points others to Christ. Both because of how the bond is unbreakable and because the bond causes each person to have support to become the best version of their self they can be as they are sanctified and become more like the image of Christ.

I promise I am not always down on myself, like I have been in some of my recent blog posts. I do like aspects of my personality and I’d like to think I have some spiritual gifts that would benefit other believers and vice versa. I also think I would make a great #1 bestie for someone, and that there is one who would make a great one for me too. I also believe it is good to have more than one close friend, so why not have both?! Maybe my #1 bestie is one of my besties and I don’t even realize it. I am going off of assumption that they each have their own #1 best friend. But there is potential for any of them to become my #1. And even if that never happens, we all will still be close friends because the friends I have now are more valuable than gold and will always be special to me. It’s also possible my #1 bestie is still someone I have yet to meet.

So I am going to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone and take risks. Even if I am scared on the inside, this coming year I want to make it a goal to be open to new relationships. I also want to deepen the current ones I have and to continue to nourish them. Who knows what this 2020 has for any of us? I also want to encourage you to know your worth. Know that you are worthy of having great friends and that you are treasured. Be brave this coming year with me. Be brave and take risks. Get to know people. If we continue to live in fear we miss out on one of the biggest blessings and joys God has for us in this life : relationships. Take care and God Bless. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! See you all in 2020! <3

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.   Proverbs 27:9 NIV

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Proverbs 13:20 NIV

 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 NIV

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete. 1 John 1:3-4 NIV

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NIV

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 NLT