My journey as one of God's chosen ones : Wishing I could stop the train part 1 (reminiscing)

**I’ve decided to make this blog post separated into three different posts :) I hope you enjoy and it helps you during this crazy time in the history of mankind. **

HS besties getting together the summer after I got married

The last few days I’ve been enjoying one of my favorite John Mayer songs “Stop this Train”. This song resonated with me a lot my senior year of high school because while I was excited for the new chapter in my life, I also was afraid of the unknown and what lay ahead. I wasn’t ready to plunge into adulthood, so I wanted to enjoy my last moments as a child as much as I could. I was so afraid that I would never see my high school best friends again, and was worried that I may never make other best friends. Funny that this song would once again resonate with me, but for a completely different reason. In retrospect, moving on from being a child to an adult was a lot easier, and more fun than I ever imagined. My time at Ohio University was one of the best experiences of my life so far. I learned so much about how life worked, how to be independent, met some more great friends, and also met my husband. The peace and joy I felt during my time in Athens, Ohio was remarkable. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so free in my life. The stars seemed brighter, the air fresher, everyone was so kind to each other. The beauty of those rolling hills, especially during fall semester... ahh... Increasing my understanding of the world around me, as well as perfecting my craft, there is nothing like it. I am glad that I wasn’t able to stop the train. But now, right now, this song resonates with me in a new way, because I wish more than ever I could stop the train of events going on. Every day this pandemic continues on is another day of chaos, uncertainty, and unfortunately death. It is definitely beginning to take its toll on me.

One thing that has been helping me cope is to reflect on some of my favorite memories through several stages in my life. For instance, some days I listen to music that reminds me of being a silly high school girl that was so obsessed with finding the love of my life, not even realizing I was way too young for that. Reminiscing Saturdays at Easton or Polaris mall with my girls talking about life, window shopping, and eating Five Guys or Sbarros at the food court. All of my hotel birthday parties where we partied at the pool and then had pizza and ice cream after. Some birthdays we went to the mall too; although my absolute favorite party was the year my crush surprised me and showed up :). All of the lunches chillin in the courtyard talking to everyone, playing with chalk, walking around holding hands with Shannon, and doing whatever I could to make everyone laugh. The fun dances, sleepovers, etc. Just being young without a care in the world! Having a best guyfriend who helped me begin to see my worth and quit worrying about the losers I had crushes on. Everyone thought we were dating, but we were just friends (he had a gf lol). He made the best gym partner because I honestly hated gym class because of my sport induced asthma, but he encouraged me. Every day. Every day he told me I was a beautiful, amazing girl who could do anything I put my mind to. I will never forget him.

I love to think back on my college days too, which I loved even more than my high school days. Going away to college was such a big step for someone like me, who used to be really shy. But I was blessed to have one of my besties Vikki be one of my roommates freshman year at the Convo. We had two other roommates and they were awesome. It was like living with three awesome sisters. We all were so calm and chill. We got along well, and we all have unique personalities with one thing in common : we all were easy going. Shannon was the party girl, but she respected that we weren’t always up to partying, so she would party elsewhere. Katelynn was the mom and the one who loved doing homework. When any of us got sick, she would do whatever she could to keep us healthy. Back before I was ever diagnosed with anxiety disorder and epilepsy, I definitely had some weird phenomenons happen to me. Sometimes I would get really scared and feel weird. I would blank out a bit. She played calming music for us and Shannon (a different one from high school btw) would tell me a story to take my mind off of whatever was going on. And ofcourse Vikki was always down for anything (like she still is). We had dinner together every night with our other friends like Ali and then we would have dance parties. Ali and I were inseparable. When we weren't in class or doing homework, we were hanging out. We went to Bible study together, ate dinner together all the time, she came to meet my family one weekend and I showed her the cool malls in Columbus. We stayed up late talking about life during fall retreat. Later in the year I met my bestie Sarah and would stay over the AIA house all of the time before I actually lived there because I got a set of roommates that spring quarter that did not like me (and Vikki couldn’t return for winter or spring quarter). I met Sarah because I got to spend the night at the AIA house after the end of the spring break mission trip I went on to Panama City Beach Florida. That mission trip changed my life for the better because it really taught me the importance of spending time daily with Jesus, and getting into the word. Plus I met one of my best friends Brandy on the trip, and I saw God work in miraculous ways.

The rest of spring quarter we had late movie nights almost every night sharing Papa Johns pizza and doing each others nails. One of my favorite nights was the night we decided to be like kids again catching lightning bugs on college green. Or the day we went to the craft festival on south green, painted some flower pots, and then road in the back of Sarah’s ex’s pickup truck over to a bonfire at some Christian leaders home. It was fun sitting back with Rachel and Joe, hanging on for dear life while we road up and down some hills, the late spring air blowing through our hair haha. Honestly I can’t choose a favorite memory of my first year at OU because it simply was amazing. Sophomore year started good but was challenging for both Sarah and I because as you know from other blog posts, we had bad breakups and realized we both had been in abusive relationships. But we persevered because God is good, and look at where we are now. Junior year flew by, and it was the first year I worked at Alden Library. At the end of my first shift, I said hello to my now husband, but I didn’t know we would date until a few weeks later. He helped me pass that stupid computer science class I decided to take (I don’t know why I did, other than it was part of God’s plan for me to get to know my future hubby) because his major was computer science. My senior year I got my first dog Luke Bryan and met another one of my best friends, Kristin, who happened to be one of two apartment roommates I didn’t know prior to moving in. We instantly clicked and just would talk for hours after work and classes, while playing with Luke. Oh and I introduced her to her now husband. I planned a few special game nights to get them to see they were perfect for each other and it worked ;) woo. Legend has it to this day we still get together once or twice a year for a few days of board game playing lol.

I balanced a lot my senior year, from work to classes, to my relationship, and Bible study/ event organizing for it, but it was my other favorite year. I met some more awesome friends (like Brittany and Melinda), and it was then I realized Journalism wasn’t exactly the career path I wanted, but a step in the right direction. We had many dinner dates at Bdubs and my friends know what I order by heart now. We had great times just hanging out. We had a great time once again on the mission trip. It was fun watching Luke grow. Every Night I loved to walk him around the hill I lived on, taking in the breathtaking view of the stars above. Toward the end of the year I joined Kappa Phi, a Christian sorority group and made some more memories. Graduating was amazing but bittersweet because that meant not seeing all of my friends all of the time. But you know, years later we all keep in touch and make time to visit, so everything all works out in the end.

Grad school flew by. I spent the first year of it planning my wedding. Oh the bachelorette weekend trip was so much fun. Of course the highlight of it was going to the waterpark with my girlies haha(if anyone knows me, they know how much I love waterparks and swimming). June 24th 2016 was the best day of my life. Everything was perfect. The sun was out, all of the blue and purple flowers and seashell decor looked perfect. I was surrounded by everyone who mattered the most. My bridesmaids, friends, and family all helped Robbie and I feel extra special. Everything was just perfect. We went to Disney World for our honeymoon :) <3 and stayed at an awesome resort. We learned slowly how to be a married couple and before long it was like we were married our whole lives. We have been married almost 4 years now and boy it’s been nothing short of amazing. We have shared countless memories together, as well as some very hard times. Job loss, my dad having his second stroke, deaths, losing Luke to kidney disease, losing another dog a year later because she had an underlying condition when I bought her a few months after Luke’s passing. Finding out about chronic illnesses I never knew or thought I would had. But you know, it made us stronger and now we feel we can take on anything. We know we are so blessed to be where we are now in life, with a home and a few fur babies, so everyday together is a day we cherish. Especially right now. Every moment together is a blessing because we never know when we will take our last breath. While some are getting sick of their spouses or such, we are just fine and content.

It’s times like we are in now that make me realize how precious the small things are. How precious any time spent with family and friends is. How great it is to be able to go out to restaurants, stores, travel, work, etc. I don’t want to ever take for granted these things again. While it will be a while before I get to experience those again, I know one day this will all be a memory and things will get back to normal. What helps me cope, and what I think will help all of you cope, is to remember all the good memories you’ve had in life. Reminisce on some of your favorite memories. Have fun thinking about how you’ve grown as a person over the years, and how much fun you’ve had at each stage of life. Also think about some of the hardest things you’ve gone through in life, and how you have overcome those challenges. If God could pull you through that, he can get you through this. God is good and he has the whole world in his hands. Stay strong friends. I will have parts two and three soon. In the meantime, here is some scripture to encourage you and remind you of God’s promise that anything we go through in this current life is temporary. If we believe Jesus is our Lord and Savior, our future is bright. We will have eternity with Him worshiping Him and enjoying the earth restored to perfection, like it was meant to be before man sinned. Happy Good Friday everyone! May we remember today as the day Jesus died on the cross for us to be able to have salvation and a relationship with God. Glory be to Jesus!

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

Here are some high school pics, followed by some college pics, and a pic of hubby and I <3