Letting go, without looking back

I decided to write another blog post in between my mini series because there is a lot on my mind and I feel there are some things that need to be said, especially to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I know this is a very stressful time for all of us, and we all have different things that make this time challenging. Some are stuck in abusive situations (which I pray and hope they find a way out of). Others are stuck at home with their families with a lot of bored children. Some are on the frontlines in the hospitals risking their lives and watching people die. Some have medical conditions that make them high risk(like myself). Some don’t have jobs right now and are struggling to get unemployment. Some have essential jobs (I do and am thankful), but it also is scary just waiting to see if we come in contact with someone ill. This pandemic is hurting all of us in multiple ways, and I don’t really like to try and think about who has it worse, because its not a competition. It hurts my heart everyday knowing the weight that is on everyone's shoulders. I want this to be over with as soon as possible so that everyone can be healthy and full of joy again. I am a bit afraid of what will happen to me (or some of my loved ones) if they get the virus. However, I am beginning to be even more afraid of how some people are reacting/ planning on doing as a result.


Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4 NIV

I have seen on Facebook, and have been told by some friends and family, many things that absolutely shock me, and leave me devastated. Many people are saying that they don’t care who dies from the virus because the economy is more important. Some leaders have said that our grandparents should sacrifice their lives so that the economy can stay open. Some keep pointing out that it only kills the old and those with chronic conditions(that includes me, my sister, my mom, my older sister, some friends, some fellow church members, my pastor, etc.), which may seem like no issue to someone who is young and healthy. But when I hear this, I hear you saying that your life matters MORE. That our lives are the sum of what we can offer to society and that if we aren’t as capable, or as young as others, we should just be discarded. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the economy to sink. I don’t like that some people are struggling financially because of this. I don’t want to dismiss the position this pandemic has put them in, because their struggles matter too and their lives matter too. But I don’t know of anywhere in the Bible that says our worth comes from how much we can do for society. I also don’t understand the notion that we have make it a competition saying that because of the precautions in place, society cares more about those who get the infection and die, than those who struggle financially right now. Why are we doing this?

The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31 NIV


We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. 1 John 4:19-21 NIV

It gets worse. People are pointing the finger at those of us who want to respect authority and do our best to love others by preventing the spread. I have already been mocked by more than one person, who are Christians mind you, saying that I am a fool for wanting to listen to authority and for wanting to take precautions since I am more at risk. And I have had people say that if someone who is more susceptible to risks gets the virus and dies, that it was God’s will that they died and that we should have never taken any precautions at all because whoever God wants to die will die. I see some problems with this logic because if that is the case, why did God design doctors at all? Why do we do anything at all to protect ourselves? I mean if someone runs in front of a car and dies, then it wasn’t God’s will that they died. Rather, they died from their own actions. Sure God does allow us to die and he knows who will die and from what before we were ever created. But don’t for a second think that God is happy when someone dies, especially when it is an unsaved soul. God allows death to happen because of sin in this world, not because he enjoys it. He gave us free will. God’s heart breaks whenever anyone passes because he never wanted death to ever be a part of the equation. Death exists because of sin and sin is the result of what humans did. God gives us leaders and he puts them in power, because they are there to protect us and do what is best for us. Don’t call me a fool for respecting leaders like God calls me to do. You are the fool for not adhering to his Word and choosing what you want to believe is true and what isn’t true. I am sick of the hypocrisy. I have been for a while now and this is just the icing on the cake.

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. Romans 13: 1-2 NIV

For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live! Ezekiel 18:32 NIV

God is never happy when we die. He is saddened by death. It was never his plan for us, but he died so that we could have a hope. Let’s not forget where we have come from. We all were once sinners.
Romans 13 is pretty clear that when we rebel against our leaders, we will be reprimanded by God. Think about that for a bit.


Some are clinging to conspiracy theories more than they cling to Jesus and his truth too, and that is just a shame. I am sick of people claiming Jesus belongs to a certain political party, or that all of this is due to ulterior motives. Or worse, that it is all a hoax. Tell that to the people who are watching so many people die right now. It’s not a hoax, and quite frankly I am not concerned about either political party right now. I don’t care. It is man made and fallible, I don’t put my trust in such institutions. I put my trust in Jesus and God. For so many who say they trust Jesus will provide all of their needs, I don’t see much action following their words. If you believe Jesus is your Lord and Savior, then you know Jesus will provide for you. This life will have trials, and none of us are immune. Why are you surprised that we are in a testing time? Do you not read the Word of God? We are called to lean on Jesus, and trust in Him. Our hope doesn’t come from jobs, politics, etc. Not to say those things are bad, but when they become an idol, they are. So let’s quit putting our trust in things other than God, and let's quit living in fear. I am not going to lie, I see some people saying they are about to get violent because of this. I am concerned about things like more violent crimes, more robberies, and people turning against their loved ones. I am concerned that people like myself who want to love others and obey the law will eventually be targeted by disgruntled people. However, I am working on changing my outlook from fear of what happens if I or my loved ones die from this virus, or what happens around me, to knowing God is in control and he hears my prayers and cries. I will do whatever I need to do to protect others, especially my loved ones. I will also do that along with fighting the battle on my knees, giving it to Christ.

So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:21 NIV

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:31 NIV

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31 NIV
The biggest problem with all of this is that because of the focus on ourselves instead of the bigger picture, and the reason God put us here in the first place, we are not witnessing to the lost and we are not loving them the way God wants us to. When we don’t live out our Christian lives the way Christ called us too, it is the unbelievers that suffer. They are the ones who may never want to accept Christ because all they see is hypocrisy. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can try my best to put things in perspective because I care about you and those who don’t know Jesus. I can’t keep quiet on something when there is SO MUCH at stake. There are SOULS at stake here. We are the example and if we don’t show the love of JESUS to EVERYONE, then many will DIE unsaved because they never heard the truth and never experienced the love that Jesus gives. I will say that I am done dealing with the toxicity I have been seeing lately, and with that. I am letting go, without looking back. I am moving forward in my relationship with Christ and whoever wants to do the same I will see you there. Whoever wants to stay behind, I wish you the best and will continue to pray for you.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NIV

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4 NIV


I am a people pleaser and I have been battling with it on and off my entire life. I have wanted to hurt myself before because I have upset people by not making them happy, or sharing the same interests and opinions as them. I have wanted to hide away and cease to exist because I wasn’t good enough for people. I have wished I were dead because I thought the world would be happier without me, or at least the people who never seem to be happy with me. I could never understand why no matter how hard I tried, people still hated me. But as I have grown I have learned that I am not called to please man, but to please God. And if I am disliked by many for doing what I was called to do, then I am doing something right because Christ was perfect, didn’t harm a soul, yet was persecuted by many. This is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I am unapologetically being all that God made me to be. I am going to be my authentic self and you can choose to stay in touch or move on. I am done with trying to fit into extra religious dogma that is not in the Bible.I am done trying to fit a mold I was never made to fit. I am done trying to take on everyone's load. I am done trying to be people’s savior, when I can never be that because I am not Jesus himself. Now, I am surrendering that need for approval to God and letting him take care of people. I can love others, I can pray for them, and I can help(when God calls me to and not because I have this unsatiated desire to make sure no one ever feels any pain). I can’t fix everyone's problems and I realize finally, I need to let that go. I wasn’t called to fix the entire world. Jesus is the answer for that. I hope and pray that you be blessed and that you take a minute to think about where your heart is right now. Remember we aren’t called to be comfortable. We are called to live our lives for Jesus and to be used however he wants us to. It is hard because we all struggle with our flesh, but Jesus’ plan is the best for us. He won’t let us down. If you don’t already know Christ, I pray that you consider asking him into your heart to be your Lord and Savior right now.  To my brothers and sisters, this is our time to let Jesus shine and let the whole world see why we believe what we believe. Don't let this opportunity go to waste! Let's pray for the lost and that many will be saved during these trying times. God bless and take care <3

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12 NIV